she played a good game folks

That Sally, a fighter 'til the end. All I can say is her character has shone through throughout the show (and will surely continue while she's on the jury), and hello, how rawkin' was she during the challenges? pretty damn rawkin'. Spring is making me a little nostalgic, and maybe a little cheesy, but I sure do miss that Sally Poppins, she's a good woman.

On this good friday I will be drinking booze, and hopefully lots of it. I'll be traversing to the fine city of Mankato, MN to party with my 'ol high school buddy Dan, and maybe, just maybe the guy I crushed on for like five years will be there. Then I will proceed to spend an exciting weekend in Owatonna, culminating in a meal prepared by my father and stepmother that will surely consist of ham to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior.

I see london, I see france

I've got some bad hair going on, hair that hasn't been cut since Christmas, but that will be rectified one week from today. I was sitting outside at the local shop last night talking on the phone to FP, and this guy gestured to me that my underwear was showing, which I really didn't appreciate to be honest. Perhaps my undies on view makes me appear to be sluttish, tasteless, trashy, unkempt or what have you, but I truly was not concerned about it and was irritated that he felt the need to gesture to me while I was clearly on the phone. Then I felt self conscious, but then again I always feel self conscious.

nature or nurture

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Just been reading up on my personality type, which you can read about here or here if you care to. No wonder I'm weird and often frustrated about my life and myself. In trying to find some direction, I've been doing career/personality tests. I had this book laying around that my former analyst recommended to me and I finally took the tests and was well, dissapointed. I scored highest in business and clerical, and lowest in mechanics, which I used to always score well in, but then I thought about it and realized that out of the five tests I took 3 while drunk which may have skewed my results. Anyways I have never thought of myself as business oriented, and it said I could do boring jobs like being an accountant. So I still lack clarity but am forging on.

Gilmore Girls was also a dissapointment, it did not yield the results that I had hoped for. Rory went to Jess's reading in Philly, a kiss was shared, then she proclaimed her love for Logan even though she doesn't trust him, Jess was clearly saddened and hurt. I'm entirely at a loss as to how one could resist Jess's charms, he's attractive, apart of an artist community, creative, sarcastic, straightforward, if only he was an actual person and in love with me...

I'm feeling as though I may get frustrated with this task of finding an apartment with Betsy. She is on a tighter budget than I am and while I'm all about being more thrifty with rent, however, I also can afford a decent place that isn't unreasonable. She also wants certain amenities, like a yard and more space, so to find a place like that in her range we would probably have to move to a less desireable location, whereas, again, I could afford a decent place in our current neighborhood which I am quite fond of. Yesterday we looked at a place that the woman was certain we would like. It had no living room, it was 2 bedrooms (1 quite small) a bathroom and a fairly large kitchen that she said we could put our sofa and TV and such in. Betsy was interested, I wasn't into it, I foresee issues.

the shame

I've decided to try not to feel guilty anymore, it's really just too much of a burden.

Good show last night, though I nearly fell asleep during transition between the opening band (The Elected) and Metric, and my feet hurt really bad, and I didn't want to move for fear of losing my spot (one disadvantage of being alone) so I didn't smoke or use the potty the entire 4 hours I was there, it was still worth it. Of course I had to observe my lack of coolness in comparison to all the hipsters, or rather my lack of ability perhaps to put together a convincing image.




Note how fit and sexy the lead singer's legs are, and the when the band came back for the encore the lead guitarist was smoking, smoking! inside! I wasn't sure if he just was unaware of the ban or disregarded the ban with a fuck you smoking ban attitude, in any case, he was hot.

It's getting to be apartment hunting time again. Sounds like Betsy has now decided to stick around so we are finding a place together, though we have some discrepancy on location and how much we are willing to pay so we'll see what we can agree upon.

warm as balls (it's about time)

It is a glorious 70 degrees outside, which I sorta got to enjoy while waiting for my car to get serviced (oil change). I took a stroll to Jimmy Johns for a yummy sandwich, had a smoke, pondered life, now I'm back at work getting sleepy. There were some rapid fans of Bob Seger at Jimmy Johns, I don't remember which song was playing but one employee knew every single word and sang them out loud.

My friends are lame per usual, as I will be attending a show (Metric) tonight at first ave. and it appears I will be attending by my lonesome. Co-worker Rachel agreed to go but now may back out because she is too tired. Good grief. I guess if I had more than three friends, I would possibly have more potential concert going companions, but alas, I do not.

resist the temptation

I was unable to watch Survivor last night due to an excursion to Chaska to see Cassies's school and see her student's art and musical talent. I'm trying to resist the temptation to look online and see if Sally was voted off or not, I asked Jenni but she refused to tell me. It makes me nervous, but no, I refuse to look.

Tonight brings the long overdue return of a Six Feet Under night with Cassie and Sarah, loooong overdue. Low key weekend is what I'm hoping for.

alert the fashion police

Work is kicking my rear today, and the hated nurse kept hovering near me, I pretended to be intensly into my work and ignored her, but I was incredibly annoyed. She hovered for like 5 minutes, just hovered, didn't say anything, didn't ask anything, just stood there, waiting.

I made a decision (I think), to try to go to the Art Institutes Int'l this summer instead of Le Cordon Bleu. I'm a little sad, I really liked the admission rep at Le cordon Bleu, but I guess that is part of her job, to be likeable. Unless I decide to do something else entirely, like become an accountant, or a truck driver.

Jess will be back on Gilmore Girls next week, though in my Gilmore Girl obsessed state I looked for spoilers for upcoming episodes and have dimished hope of Jess and Rory actually getting together. Besides, Jess is in another WB show (or the actor who plays Jess), which I may have to start watching because Jess is so attractive, but I'm guessing this is a bad sign that he would be on the next season of Gilmore Girls. I still have hope however.

Speaking of hope, I finally finished A Fine Balance on Sunday, the book I had chosen for our book club, highly recommend (try to ignore/hide the Oprah book club stamp), but be prepared to be left with a feeling of despair once you are finished.

I'm wearing black and navy blue today (denim), but Betsy assured me it was okay, so I'm trying to not feel lame.

such a brave little toaster

lewd pirate cake
Originally uploaded by snielson.

I really need to get me a decent digital camera...but look at my pirate cake I made, isn't it impressive, it says "happy b-day, you put the shiver in me timber" (I stole that off the 'net, I'm not quite witty enough to come up with that on my own). Anyways, I think all involved had a good time friday night, there was dancing, mural drawing, a cake variety, and other misc. debauchery (no, that does not include me getting action). I also wouldn't shut up about my love for the animated feature "The Brave Little Toaster"

I had a uncomfortable/lovely time with my family yesterday. Though my brother and I are well into adulthood, neither of us have a car that would be trustworthy to drive the 3ish hours it took to get to my Grandpa's birthday party, well my bro doesn't have a license much less a car. Anyways, us three kids, myself, brother and step-brother scrunched into the back of the Suburu. Not only did the Suburu smell like sheep had been stored in it, but I, being of the smallest stature, got the most uncomfortable seating arrangement. We headed off to the casino in Granite Falls to celebrate. While waiting for the man of the hour to show, I lost a total of $6 gambling, $5 of which were given to me by my step-mother though so I didn't take too much of a hit to my pocket. Whatever happened to your run of the mill slot machine?, I was too confused to properly gamble. Eventually Grandpa and Crystal showed, I was anxious to meet this woman who had stolen my Grandpa's heart, and well, it is a bit strange. As we ate in the casino cafe, I pondered exactly what this 47 year old woman was doing with my 90 year old grandfather, I came up with hell if I know. She is pleasant though, and takes good care of him. She did express her dissapointment at being the only black person in Ivanhoe, the small farming community where my Grandpa was born and has lived his entire life. So, I don't get it, but oh well, live and let live.

Gross, I just overheard a nurse talking about the stuff you can pick up from the tubing when you get a colonoscopy, ick.

Anyways, I spent a bit of time at my ma's house after dropping my bro off. We're sitting around chatting, and then my bro yells out Joel so and so is on the scanner, and my mom goes running off to find out what kind of trouble this Joel is in. Doug, familiar with cop codes determined it had something to do with drunkeness, and stealing gas. "Who is this Joel guy" I inquired of my mother, "Oh, an old boyfriend of mine" was her reply. She then goes on to tell me about how he was a "cooner", apparently an expert in petty theft and often homeless, though he did get my mother to appreciate the blues. Of course this lead to the subject of my single state, my mom not understanding why I don't have an S.O. since I'm a nice girl, not a "floosey", which then led to the discussion of the advantages of being asexual with my brother.

My brother by the way, seems to be clean and getting his shit together. He's meditating in the sauna, gone entirely organic, and is planning on moving to Seattle. He still believes in James Frey, but whatever, I just hope he stays on track.

I'm a loser, and I'm not what I appear to be

Oh ye of little faith, you would be correct in assuming that I have yet to finish my painting, and foresee not it's completion by tomorrow a.m. in time to get it framed and submitted. I'm lame, yes...but I've been so busy, and this week I've been especially busy. Seriously I've had something going on every night, and I do like to try to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night. So that's my excuse. I have always loved that Beatles song, I may not have lost a great love, but I do feel like a loser sometimes. Where's my St. John's Wort. I did however, look hot yesterday.

I'd work on it tonight, but Betsy is having her little birthday shindig tonight and I'm expected to join in the festivities, and I'm going to try to fashion a pirate cake. I'm blessed by Betsy, she and I relate well, we have a lot in common.

Sally rawked last night per usual!, way to go Sal

weighing my options, or how I can't make a decision

what does a pirate and a pimp have in common?....when they both say YO HO!

I was looking for dirty pirate jokes online and that's about the dirtiest I could find since other sites are blocked or this one...

so this pirate walks into a bar...and he's got a steering wheel
down his pants. the bartender says: hey, you've got a steering wheel down your pants. he says: arr, it's drivin' me nuts!

or these pirate pick up lines....

"Is there an 'X' on the seat of your pants? Because it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!"

"Me skull and crossbones arn't the only thing I plan on raisin' tonight."

"You're just the tasty wench I've been keeping me eye out for!"

Anyways, it's Betsy's birthday on Sat. and she wants to have a pirate themed get together. I'll take this opportunity to remind my vast readership that my birthday is May 4th, just a little over a month away! I want to give ample warning so ya'll can save up for the luxurious gifts you plan on bestowing on me. Email me for my address for all you out of towners.

So, I visited the arts institute int'l school yesterday to check out their baking and pastry program (apparently I'm pretty hooked on the idea of being a pastry chef). It is considerably cheaper, a shorter program (certificate vs. associates) starts the same time (July 10th), closer to where I live (unless I were to move to St. Paul), more flexible scheduling... However, the facilities aren't as nice, and the internship possiblities are far more limited than the other school, the other school I could potentially go abroad, which was quite a draw, but is it worth it to put myself in more debt?? Probably not. Not to mention my mother's agreement will truly be the deciding factor.

I guess I'm going to my grandpa's 90th birthday party this Sunday, which requires a 3 hour (awkward) trip in the car with my Pa and stepmother. I do finally get to meet my G-pa's young wifey (she's like 50 or something), but I had originally planned on relaxing on Sunday, guess that is no longer an option, but G-pa is getting old, it would be good to see him.

I'm not a genius really

I haven't read all of Salinger's Nine Stories.

I'm trying not to feel like a loser since I haven't finished my painting that I wanted to submit to that church art show. I wanted to finish it last night in order to get it framed by Sat. when it needs to be submitted, though I could get a ready made frame and try to cut my own mat (which I haven't done since college). But hell, at least I started it, even if I don't get it ready in time to submit it, and it got me thinking about ideas, maybe not genius ideas, but hopefully something that might resonate with another person.

It's so nice to feel understood.

you must wait for genius

I was going to write something mindblowing and insightful, but well, work was busy, and now I need to leave to try to burn off my fat, but maybe tomorrow, if you're lucky.

no rest for the weary

I feel tired, I mean between looking at naked women, working, cleaning, going to Jenny P.'s (now Jenny L.) wedding reception to drunkenly dance with a plastic octopus, working on acheiving some sort of goal, and of course church and the post church beer, I haven't had a lot of relaxation, yet I feel as though I accomplished very little of what I wanted to get done, which I then have to get done during the week and etc., etc. Some people seem to be able to do so much with their time, I don't get it. And adulthood stinks, I wish I could be fat and lazy like I was when I was a kid, well, I'm still sorta lazy, and a bit fatter than I'd like.

I had a good idea this weekend, but I can't share it because it is so good it will surely be stolen.

Maybe I should try St. John's Wort.

If I want to go to culinary school this summer, I have to ask my mother to co-sign a loan for me, and I'll certainly get my head bitten off because my mother thinks I'm irresponsible with money which I am. I can't even decide what the hell I want to do anyways.

Co-worker Angela is now saying "right on" at any opportune or innopportune moment, which is starting to irritate me.

My tummy hurts.

Apparently today is rant on my blog day. I'm probably just depressed about George and Lucy.

empty nest

Where there was once a smelly litter box, there is now only bare tile, and an empty space in my heart. No longer will I be return from work to be greeted by George's annoying meow, or Lucy's distant gaze. Watching television will be a little colder without the weight of George, earnestly purring. Occasional visits will be my sole opportunity to poke fun at George, calling him fattie, or dopey. Only remnants of cat hair remain to remind me of what once was, a home filled with the pitter patter of little paws.

However, there is also no more fear of discovering cat pee and ruined items, the unpleasant task of changing the litter box has been discarded, and I'll surely sleep better at night. But I'll still miss my little friends.

not bad

So, I survived my full on strip club experience, the whole event was rather intrigueing I would say. Betsy and I pretty much judged and evaluated the other patrons and the strippers themselves the entire time. The place itself was a "gentlemen's club" so I don't know if it was supposed to be more classy than your run of the mill strip joint, but it had nice decor, lots of fake trees and things. I concluded that I could cross stripper off my list of possible career choices, if not for my modesty in regards to being nude, then for my lack of physical fitness...more specifically lack of arm strength. I NEVER, not once, even managed to climb up one notch on that hanging rope that we had to climb to the top and ring the bell in gym class, and I demonstrated to my friends just a couple weeks ago on Survivor night how I can't even do a push up, it truly is pathetic. So unless I take steroids I probably won't be making it up that pole. One stripper in particular had (can I say) some mad pole skills, she at one point went to the top, then slid down the pole on pretty much her armpit it was amazing. The music was the most disturbing, cheesy metal mostly with a bit of top 40 hip-hop thrown in which was a relief. Betsy and I, in our judgement of the men there, stereotyped them as either frat boy (with their incredibly annoying girlfriends) or IT geeks who probably rarely get a glimpse of an actual naked woman and can't wait to tell their friends about their weekly excursion during their LAN party the next day, or perhaps over a rousing game of D+D. Though in a tangent discussion Betsy and I figured geeks probably are getting laid more than we are, because hot people attract hot people, and geeks attract other geeks, then there are all those in the middle, like us, who feel like we can never find a decent guy to date. Anywho, we also got riled up over the fact that they can molest other female patrons, touch them, kiss them, pull up their shirt and fondle them, the only reason we figured for that was to turn on the male patrons since men aren't allowed to touch them and the stripper can't like, take their wiener out of their pants, though please correct me if I'm wrong. I suppose in the end it's all about the money. I did find myself wondering what the strippers thought of their profession, that was probably the most curious part.

All in all not a horrible experience, Betsy and I had considered bailing for lack of enthusiasm over witnessing the degradation of women, but then we drank some whiskey and felt more up to the task. I probably wouldn't plan an additional future outing, but I'm glad I got the experience under my belt. Actually after the first half hour or so it got kinda boring, even for Betsy's friends who are bisexual.

Ahh, my former crush is playing Arrested Development, how nostalgic, and the guy sitting next to me keeps reading aloud to himself.

lets get real

My car returns to the streets, bumperless, but driveable. Though I have to worry myself with my lack of license plate until I reattach it, but I parked in the ramp today, passed 2 cops this morning w/o getting pulled over and have off-street parking at home, so probably no need to worry really, unless I can't figure out how to get it back on.

There was a shooting near my house and my co-workers were talking about it. I mentioned that Betsy and I often walk in our neighborhood often alone and at night. I got the "well, you better be more careful then". Yeah, I'm admittedly naive and flippant about crime safety, yep I make myself an easy target by being female and walking at night alone. I don't know, I just don't get worked up over it and so I'll probably be mugged or murdered someday, Betsy too, she doesn't have a car and walks everywhere, in the "bad" areas even. Something like when do you allow fear to override your lifestyle, not that it isn't good to be cautious and aware of your surroundings, but I really just don't worry about it.

Anyways, going to the club (strip) tonight. Can't say I'm real excited, but I said I'd go and so I'll go since I almost never back out of things even if I don't want to go.

right on

Co-worker Angela seems to recently adopted the phrase "right on" which strikes me as somewhat amusing. I suppose because I associate that phrase with arty hipster types, of which she is not. angela though, remains much a mystery to me. I love her, I appreciate her always being willing to lend me a helping hand, but she is a horse of a different color.

So I have to work here until Jan. 1st, 2007, well, I don't have to, but it would definitely be worth my while to stick it out. I just recently learned of a pension account that I can cash out when I'm "vested", I'll be "vested" Jan. 1st and can cash out this pension, scoring me at least $2500 if not more. I had no idea this money existed for me until yesterday, free money that my company just put into an account for me. Okay, it probably is normal for companies to set up pension accounts, but it was news to me. This means I can pay off debt, clean up my credit a bit, leaving my 401k intact as savings. Or I could blow it on a car, an iPod and a laptop, hmmmmm, choices.

I finally watched Hustle and Flow last night. I've probably had that netflix DVD laying around for a good month and a half. You see, pretty much any DVD that has graced my eyeballs has been of Gilmore Girls, seasons 3+4, and I still have season 1 to watch. Since my body refuses to stay awake past 9 p.m. while watching anything on TV (except apparently the first LOTR),it takes me a while to get through a movie, or an episode. Anyways, the movie was suprisingly heart-warming and also inspirational.

My landlord is crazy, he told Betsy that he would like us to stay month to month as long as we want if we want to. Weird. He has recruited his friend to pull my car out of the ice tonight though so whatever.

ah hell

Oh man, I'm excited...Jess returns! Yes, in the scenes for the new episodes of Gilmore Girls starting 2 weeks from yesterday Jess seems to play a very integral part, including some sort of kissing scene. I knew it, I knew he would come back.

I could potentially live another 60 years or more, well, of course unless I get killed by the bird flu or some other pandemic or don't quit smoking (though my g-ma smoked heavily at least 60 years, died in her 80's), anyways, that is a long time, 2 more of my lifetimes thus far. Perhaps I shouldn't feel so old and stuck, perhaps I should lighten up on myself.

Anywho, wish I had a smarmy scandalous tale to share but I don't really.

stuck

My car is still stuck, for over a week now. The front tire is stuck in muddy ice that refuses to be broken or melted since it isn't directly penetrated by the sun. Maybe a metaphor for my life, feeling stuck by debt. Ah hell, I shouldn't be so negative, I don't mean to be.

I signed up to go to the strip club friday with the roomie and her friend who is trying to get a group of ladies together to become more worldly, us girls having never been to the strip club. Ok, I lied, I went once to a seedy topless joint because I lost a bet.

I was pleased to discover that the Goonies DVD that I recently acquired has the music video of that Cyndi Lauper song in the movie.

in my life

I think I have mental fatigue, trying to figure out if I can do something with my life. However, I was talking to Betsy this morning, and I'm glad I'm not in her shoes. Practically her entire family is made up of engineers, so her parents want her to be an engineer, which I don't think suits Betsy in the slightest. Unfortunately for her they are very controlling and put enormous amounts of pressure on her to go back to school and move closer to them and be successful (monetarily), like they make her write up 5 year plans for their review, good grief. So I guess I'm glad that my parents don't meddle, that they don't lord money over me in a controlling manner.

Anyways, I'm trying to explore my options, which there seems to be a lot, but everything requires money and that is discouraging. I'm supposed to start culinary school in July, but I don't think I'll be eligible to take out enough loans to cover it. I'm trying to write essays for scholarships, but they seem cheesy, and I feel so average. Bah. So yeah, figuring my life out is consuming my thoughts (in case you hadn't noticed).

return of our dear friend

That Olivia, she's such a trickster, she came home to surprise us friday night. Well, her mom spilled the beans to me, but everyone else got surprised on our night out for Jenni's bday/st. patty's day, such a wonderful surprise, all of us together again.

Also, our dear friend Spring is returning, the temps are warm, the snow is melting, and perhaps my little car will be freed soon.

PTL (confirmed)

Betsy showed me this last night. If you are cooler than me which you probably are, you've probably seen it already, but it's pretty darn funny (and a nice followup to MS flava's latest comment).

Dear Betsy is officially leaving for Montana this summer at the end of May, I'm gonna miss that girl. She was offering some ideas on what I should do with my life, since I apparently remain clueless and unable to make a decision. Because I sent her a funny and well written email, she's convinced that I should pursue some sort of writing career, or social work since I'm a good listener and get along well with most people, or something artsy. My problem is that I lack confidence, am relatively lazy, and need (additional) therapy.

Lucy survived her surgery and is on the healing path, getting her rest. She's so cute, she looks all crabby and tired. She and George are getting along fine, I thought he would freak out, he's curious but keeps his distance. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, Lucy thanks you too.

Happy Birthday Jenni!! I am wearing a button that says kiss me, I'm Irish (though I'm not), for our festivities later this evening, and a good night it will be, guaranteed.

my apologies

to MS flava for incorrectly identifying him as a dandy, he made a convincing case otherwise.

So I met with financial aid today, looks questionable at this point whether I can go to school. Apparently if you have your bachelors degree, you can't get any grants, so I'd have to pay with loans or scholarships and I don't know if I can get a loan due to my credit rating at this point, and I hesitate to put myself further in debt. I don't know, I'm going to work on it in the next few months.

I'm off to go pick up the cat.

this goes out to....

for MS flava, I found this definition when I googled beau:

dandy: a man who is much concerned with his dress and appearance

if that doesn't describe MS flava I don't know what does.

new fave

For any who spurn milk drinking (for health reasons or otherwise) and are searching for a milk alternative other than soy, might I suggest Almond Breeze vanilla flavored almond milk, very tasty, the chocolate variety is good too. I drink milk a-plenty, but sometimes I like to switch it up, especially with items on sale at the co-op.

PTL (hopefully)

I have a prayer request for Lucy if you think of it, that she will get through her surgery safely and have quick recovery. The vet is so old though I think she could probably spay Lucy in her sleep, she had to be pushing 70, has a private practice in her home, so I don't think it could be said that she lacks experience.

Survivor tonight, apparently a special episode airing on a different night this week. The survivor herself is rumored to make an in person appearance along with beau and "best friend" MS flava (to clear the air regarding sexual orientation).

Inspired by MS flava's post regarding television, I will comment on one of my current faves, Gilmore Girls. I hear that there may be only one season left of the Girl's crazy antics, and I want to officially put out there my hope that Rory and Jess end up together. Jess is hot, he totally has that bad boy, yet sensitive side that shows with the right person (Rory of course) which is oh so alluring. He's creative (wrote a book) and smart (reads a ton), he has the life experience and street smarts to balance out Rory's naivete. Although Logan and Rory seem good together on a practical levlel, Jess challenges Rory in a way that Logan never will, and certainly he's grown more mature in the time that he and Rory have spent apart. So there you go, my bid for Jess, and evidence of my sad life constantly watching Gilmore Girls.

times are a-changin

Blasted snow needs to melt and free my car, I got places to go, suburban places that'll take at least 2-3 times as long to get to by bus. I guess it's my fault for even attempting to drive it yesterday.

I enrolled in the culinary arts school, thursday I meet with financial aid which will really determine if I can actually go or not. I'm nervous, I guess looking upon my life I'm don't exactly jump at opportunities for change or take much risk or like to make decisions, and this isn't quite what I envisioned myself doing. I envisioned doing Americorp for a year then going back to school. But I need a change, like now, and this would definitely be a change.

So anyways, just processing I guess. Tomorrow is the big day for Lucy, and I anticipate their being some weirdness between her and George.

It's ba-aack

You gotta love March in MN, so predictably unpredictable. It's a winter wonderland today, worse snow than any we've had thus far this winter, it only took me about 1 1/2 hours to get to work today (better than most my co-workers who didn't even attempt to show), and I don't think my car is going anywhere til there is some melting, but I appreciate the valient efforts of my landlord, another tenant, and some guy off the street who tried to help. That's it, once I'm a famous cake decorator I'm moving to L.A. to decorate cakes for celebrities.

what is going on here

I walked in on George and Lucy having an ahem, intimate moment, which was A. funny and B. confusing as I didn't think George had those urgings anymore after the snip snip. I remembered when my dad would ask me on my summer breaks to go out and observe which cows were in heat so that they could be bred. A job I admittedly slacked on for I think obvious reasons, but probably the only time the subject of sex was broached between my dad and myself. Praise God Almighty, I am taking Lucy in this week to get fixed, sweet relief is in my (and her) grasp.

I was quite impressed by Stereolab, I wasn't sure how they'd sound live but they pretty much sound the same as their recordings, and the lead singer is fabulous. Cassie and I poked a bit of fun at the opening band, I drank too much, we met some guy who asked us to go to the Uptown since he was on "the list", turns out he wasn't. Some pretentious buddy of his was there, and I felt the need to share that I thought he was a pretentious bastard. Then we blew that pop stand in favor of feasting on roller dogs and they were mighty tasty.

I may get to set eyes upon dear friend Olvia within a couple weeks, I can't wait.

changes and tradition

She keeps on surviving folks, way to go Sally!! It's just all so very exciting.

Had the day off yesterday, the weather was fabulous, Cassie and I ventured to the revamped moose and sadies to try out their breakfast, which was very good. It is bittersweet going back there, it's like an entirely new place. We all spent so much time there and have so many memories...ah well, we have to roll the changes I guess, that and the demise of Nicki's, I sure miss that Lester. After M+S we headed to the Walker to take in some free Thursday art, turns out it is no longer free Thursday until after 5 p.m., how lame is that? So after watching a couple funny short video's in the lobby we went to the Art Institute to check out Ruth Duckworth's exhibit. A guided tour was just starting when we got there so we joined in, complete with a couple who were trying to be pretentious artists but weren't succeeding very well. The exhibit was very good though, she seems like a really neat lady. Then I had my meeting with the admissions rep at the Culinary arts school. Depending on how financial aid works out, I think I may enroll, by next summer I could be a pastry chef. There is a lot to work out though, I don't know if I can get any more student loans since my credit is shot to hell, so we'll see, but I'm actually pretty excited, I think it is something I would enjoy and be good at.

First Ave. tonight with Cassie to see Stereolab, should be a good time, perhaps a tasty rollerdog will be in order after the show as is tradition.

goddesses unite

While listening to the radio this morning, I realized the host of the show was way cooler than me, fine except for the fact that she's a junior in High School.

Today is International Women's Day, all my fellow goddesses out there should pat themselves on the back for being a woman, and for overcoming (and continuing to overcome) years of oppression.

I can do that

I was looking at this list of the least popular jobs that msn provided. 2 of which I had considered going to school for, to be a nurse or librarian. Having worked in a medical office for 4 1/2 years now surrounded by nurses, the thought has crossed my mind to actually be a nurse instead of their peon that gets paid far less, but I kinda nixed that idea when I thought about having to stick people with needles and other queasy stuff like that. I could see myself being a librarian, I have no idea what kind of knowledge one needs to obtain to be a librarian other than the dewey decimal system and knowing how to readily find information, but I would have to get that library science degree under my belt. The others were machinist (no), truck driver (no, it would be scary if I were driving a truck) and pharmacist. Now pharmacist I think I could do as well, if I didn't have to be in school for so long, but you do make a helluva lot of money.
Or I could try to get into grad school for painting.

I'm not Roger Ebert I guess, but I am kinda funny

I caught the tail end of the Oscars last night after the church love feast. The only contenders for best picture I've seen so far were Brokeback Mountain and Crash. Brokeback was clearly the better film, Crash is alright, but lacks the subtlety to make it a challenging film. I suppose it was the safe choice however, it isn't as though the Academy goes for the best film, and since Crash has the whole racial issue aspect going on it seems like it at least should be more thought provoking than it is. Roger Ebert loved it though. All I know is that Jake Gyllenhaal is a beautiful man.

I was so witty today, I delivered a couple excellent innappropriate one liners during lunchtime, one having to do with nipples, the other with swingers.

a little slice, perhaps with peanut butter

I had originally planned on being in CA this week, Oakland and San Francisco to be more specific, instead Cassie and I decided we were lacking the appropriate amount of funding to support such a vacation and are here in MN, where it is springlike, yet snowing.

Here is what I'm currently doing....
-I'm sitting at work "intaking" patients and verifying their insurance, well, actually right now I'm blogging
-listening to Maxwell (he's sexy)
-loving peanut butter
-thinking about stuff since my job is pretty mindless
-about to get a cup of coffee

There you go, a tiny slice of the life of S'Dizzle, now for that coffee

slippery foot, slippery fish

I survived yoga, it was hot, I was tired, but I ate a banana and only got slightly dizzy and maybe a tiny bit nauseated, and I sweated more profusely than I ever have in my life. I feel it went well considering that I haven't done yoga for a while, nor am I all that flexible, and I have a gimp arm. As far as a deeper spirituality? I think I was just happy to be able to lay and stare at the ceiling without much thought, I've been keeping myself busy, and I am definitely introverted and need my alone time to just sit and ponder, which I haven't had enough of lately. Co-worker Holly was telling me about her ash wed. service and the visiting pastor who came, he has this 30 day challenge where you pray every morning and all you ask is "surprise me God". Yeah, sounds a little cheesy I know, but his book seemed to get good reviews. Do you think Christian book stores, authors, musicians, etc. donate a lot of their money to good causes or just get well off?, I'm pretty sure it's the former with a bit of the latter to feel less guilty. I've wondered that before because often they'll promote themselves and go for the hard sell as much as anybody secular, or maybe they just really have faith that they are revealing God's truth. But anyways...

Way to go Sal! made it another week, I'm smelling those pancakes. I missed the first 15 minutes of the show, but I heard there was some fish dropping, I'm sure they were extremely slippery though.

nirvana

I agreed to do bikram yoga at 6 a.m. tomorrow, I'm a little nervous that I might pass out from a combo of tiredness/non-functionality and doing yoga in a 105 degree room, but perhaps I'll attain a level of spiritual awareness and flexibility that I've not yet achieved thus far in my life. I guess I'm supposed to take sea salt and potassium so as to not get dizzy and nauseous, I'll eat a banana. In confirming that I have indeed put on a few pounds in the past few months, I'm trying to re-establish a workout routine after pretty much being sedentary for about 2 years. I tried to cardio box the other day and was saddened by the disappearance of muscle that I once had, the 60 year old woman was kicking my ass.

Looking forward to tonights Survivor, it's starting to get tense.

flute and drum

Cassie and I keep talking about starting up a band, I'll play the flute, she'll play the drum, and we'll possibly have a baritone played by Carissa. Sure, I haven't touched a flute since 9th grade, but I'm sure it'll be like riding a bicycle. I think I could master the guitar as well, though with a bit more difficulty due to my gimp arm. However there is always the option of playing it left handed ala Paul McCartney or playing it vertically, which would of course be my signature style that I'll become famous for. As to our "sound" we've been gravitating towards some sort of fusion, and of course Jethro Tull will be a major influence.

I was made fun of for being a penis looker/pervert last night. I'm sorry, but when someone fiddles with their zipper I don't think it is entirely unnatural for the eye to follow the movement that is taking place. Now don't get excited, this was not a precursor to me getting any action, Cassie and I were simply enjoying a smoke outside prior to heading home from the bar and were joined by a couple of humorous and attractive guys, one of which apparently had a problem with their zipper falling down. So yeah, I look at guy's crotches, if that makes me a perv then so be it.

Well, I'm taking a tour of a culinary arts school next week, yep, I may enroll in the baking and pastry program.

walk on me please

I guess I'm a doormat, I was complaining to Betsy about work and how I'm too nice, and she agreed, telling me she thinks I get taken advantage of all the time. I need to learn how to say no, and to evaluate my needs instead of everyone elses, it all sounds so Dr. Phil.

I need a skill, a career path, but what should I do?? I have this book that I take a bunch of tests and it is supposed to tell me what I'd be good at, I suppose I could crack that open and at see what it says.

frustration

Lucy got a clean bill of health at the vet, turns out she just needs to get fixed. I'll spare the details of what I learned about female cats and reproduction, but in a nutshell, she's going to be in heat more frequently until she gets some, and she's marking in order to attract a mate. Poor sexually frustrated Lucy. It is definitely a bargain to adopt a pet, spaying is expensive.

Quasi celebrity pal Beth was in town over the weekend, with her quasi celebrity sisters and quasi blog-celebrity beau employed Tim (formerly unemployed Tim), whom I had the privelage to see friday night. I thought I had it in me to be functioning at the second bar, but instead I was quite slap happy, babbling nonsense while trying not to fall asleep on the table, that would have been embarassing. Fortunately it brought out a rare form of humor that is only experienced when I'm in such a state. My weird ex-neighbor dropped by the other evening to hang out, we've never hung out before, nor have I even talked to her much in the short time we've known each other, but she seems to consider me to be one of her good friends. I wish I liked her more because she seems lonely but honestly it is so awkward being around her that I try to avoid it if possible.

House of Mercy put on a great show last night for their monthly live at the Turf Club, Betsy and her friends joined me and she observed that I go to a hip church, and I'd have to agree. I must say though that the HOM band isn't quite the same without Pete and Abby.

would you?

In the words of Jeff Probst, Sally totally "dominated" that challenge last night, she was zipping around on that balance beam like a cat in heat who has just spied a potential mate (sorry, Lucy's horny howls are still disrupting my slumber). That was quite the tribal counsel though, we were pretty confident that it would be Ruth Marie, but still, it was a bit nervewracking. We were pondering the question how much money it would take for us to consider it worth it to be on Survivor, minimum was 10 grand. My wonderful co-worker Angela (whom I dearly love despite our differences) claims she wouldn't be on it even if she won the million, it wouldn't be worth it for her to starve and not sleep, this doesn't surprise me since she barely even leaves her apartment. Anyways, one week closer to those pancakes.

I myself was on TV last night, the local news came to our staff meeting yesterday because co-worker Stef's brother was in Iraq and our office sent his unit several care packages, so he came to our meeting to do a little show and tell about his time spent there. I had mixed feelings, being that I'm not thrilled about the war, yet seeing and hearing about these young men that are there and so dedicated to the effort, interesting to hear about it from a first hand source. In any case, I'm amongst the crowd of nurses and you could see me if held a magnifying glass up to the screen.

I accidentally washed Betsy's phone in wash machine while trying to be helpful, see, Lucy has this peeing issue and if you leave an article of clothing lying around, she will pee on it, like she did Betsy's vest. After discovering what had occurred, I promptly put it in the wash without checking the pockets, like the moron that I can often be. She's so great though, she was completely cool about it, what a good roommate I have. I'm taking Lucy to the vet tomorrow so hopefully her bladder issues will be remedied.

quirky

He's a quirky one, that landlord of ours. Betsy's friend Sinda takes Tango lessons from our Dan (the landlord), so she knows him better than Betsy or I and was giving Betsy tips on how best to deal with him. Unfortunately he shuts down when he feels attacked, so we had to go the "stroke his ego" route, so instead of telling him off our first plan was to be nice. Sinda also emphasized the fact that he has a brain comparable to the size of a Dinosaur's. I was to the point where I was okay with the prospect of moving, but Betsy wants to finish out the school year at her job with the Y so she was planning on staying through May, then likely moving back to California after that, so it would be incredibly inconvenient for her to move twice in 2 months. So our proposal was that we would be allowed to stay until the end of May, after which the girls could take our apartment. We included the girls in our discussion and they are discussing it and will get back to us by tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure they'll go for it. They aren't as snooty as I made them out to be, and Betsy and I figured Dan just promised them the room thinking I would be leaving and then when I wasn't decided it would be better to screw us over since they are signing a new lease and we aren't (and he's a pervert and they are cuter than we are), but they seemed 90% okay with the idea and said it wasn't their intention to kick us out. I still have to move end of May but I'll deal with that later. Betsy and I agreed we will miss each other, she suggested I move to San Francisco with her.

Haha, I also found out that Dan thinks I'm a lesbian, because I'm "cute enough" to get a guy to date me, so why do I not have a significant other? Clearly it's because I'm attracted to women and I don't even know it yet. That is what he told Betsy when he dragged her on some excursion to deliver a subpeona for him (also weird), she wasn't supposed to tell me but she was tipsy. Actually, I think most of the guys at the coffee shop think I'm a lesbian too, because I'm often alone, or with a gal pal, but really I'm just a loner.

I got a decent night sleep, Lucy is still horny but I noticed that she was mostly perched on top of the chair looking out the window to call out to her lover, so I closed the curtains and that seemed to help. The only one she can try to hook up with in the apartment is George, and he's a dud in the sack.

Bummer, Common is going to be at first ave. tonight, sadly I cannot afford to go. Why couldn't he come next week after I've gotten my tax refund, because the world is against me, that's why.

haha sucka's

Not only did I get the overdraft fees reversed that I was supposed to, she also reversed the 2 that I would have gotten, I love you bank lady!! Ah, for once I see the fruits of my labors, not to mention in some miniscule way screwing the bank, instead of being the screwee that I often am.

well, that sucks

In miscalculating how much money I had in my checking account, I just have discovered that I've overdrawn my account...a lot, I'm pretty sure that talking to a banker will get me absolutely nowhere, but heck, I'll give it my best shot. I also love how they always cash the highest amounts first and act like it is for your benefit when really it's so they can fuck you more. Eureka! I may get somewhere, turns out my savings account that I specifically set up for overdraft protection somehow did not get linked, she's "looking into it" right now. Hot Dog, I got fees reversed, yipee!, my heart can now return to it's previously lowered rate. I don't know MS flava, the way I handle money, as well as the likeliness that I won't be marrying any sugar daddies, it may be in my best interest to keep my 401k around and gaining interest.

In all my ranting yesterday I forgot to mention that it was Olivia's birthday, Happy Birthday Olivia! AND I just received news that my friend and Partylite compadre Erica just gave birth to a baby girl.

Betsy and I are meeting with our landlord tonight, even if we are unsuccessful in the end, I want him to know that we felt like we were treated unfairly especially since we are really good tenants.

I'm tired, Lucy (the cat) has been keeping me awake due to her being horny and expressing it vocally in the wee hours of the night. You really should get her fixed Olivia.

brief update/rant variety

So, apparently if our landlord gives us one month notice, he can kick us out since we are on a month to month lease. He's still a dick, he even said that we are better tenants than those girls, but they are signing a year lease, so they get the room. I just think of all the things Olivia and I let slide and could've reported him for and it pisses me off, Betsy has helped him a lot as well, even if only to listen to him talk nonsense. What irks me the most is that he keeps making shit up about what was said or agreed upon, according to him Betsy and I said things that we never said, and he keeps changing his story. I wish we could stay legally just to stick it to him, but I'm afraid if we are going to try to stay we have to negotiate. Betsy was planning on possibly moving out end of May anyways I guess so we are going to see if that is feasible.

Thing is I still want to move out east, though since I was told how stupid it would be for me to cash out my retirement that means I have at least a few more months before my credit card debt is clear, and I should attempt to clean up my credit, and also save. So as much as I don't want to be locked into another lease here, it would probably be to my benefit to just stick around and get more financially stable.

I have to get a new rim for my tire, and the cat peed on my bed yesterday. Alright, that is enough ranting for today.

update: landlord idiocy continues

I just talked to my landlord to hopefully gain clarification, but am only more confused. Of course his and Betsy's stories don't match up, he claims she told him she'd be out end of March. Betsy says she specifically asked him in January (after she was told she can stay) if he wanted her to move out and he said no, whereas he tells me that the girls always wanted the room, so then why the hell didn't he ask Betsy to leave when she offered. He's going to try to talk to Betsy tonight so maybe things will be worked out then. I feel like Betsy is getting a raw deal, and I tried to defend our case but I wasn't there when they were talking terms so I can't say that I know such and such was said, only Betsy can do that. And yes, I should comb over my lease to see if I have any leverage there.

getting the boot

Down the hall from Betsy and I live 2 trim and cute gals, they share the studio apartment. They seem to do laundry nonstop (probably from changing their cute little hipster outfits 3-4x/day), come off a bit snobby (at least one does), and now have bitched to the point that Betsy may be getting the boot, and me along with her. Their beef is nothing personal against Betsy, especially since I don't think either of us has said more than 5 words to them in the past few months. My landlord told me in passing yesterday, "I'm going to be needing Betsy's room end of March". See, apparently our landlord promised them Betsy's room to be available for April. Betsy's room is by itself across the hall from the rest of our apartment which is why they can take the room and essentially tack it on to their apartment. After I processed this information, I got a little pissed, and in talking to Betsy (also pissed) we concluded there has been some discrepancy in verbal agreements between our dear landlord and his tenants. Discrepancy's and other fun facts are as follows:

a.) When Betsy first moved in, she and landlord agreed that she would only stay until the end of January because the other girls wanted the room. Betsy said that they were offered the room 2 times and refused each time, after which landlord told her to stay as long as she wanted and she said she wanted to stay until the summer.

b.) I told landlord that I had applied for a job and might possibly move in March. Never did I say it was a set in stone deal, apparently he took it as such and went with it.

c.) I figure since the girls refused the room twice, they are now exempt from having choice on if/when they get the room.

d.) They were the ones that decided to share an overpriced studio apartment.

e.) The reason the bitching started is b/c landlord asked for extra money for the higher heating costs (we all knew of the added cost), I overheard the part of the bitching where she was saying that they were promised Betsy's room. Neither Betsy or I bitched about the extra heating cost, nor do we constantly do laundry using hot water (likely the reason for the incredibly high heating bill), we are clearly much better tenants....with an idiot landlord.

f.) I like Betsy and even though she is disgustingly messy, she's become not only a roomate but a friend.

g.) It is a pain in the ass to move, and I would like to avoid it if possible, but I might just on principle since our landlord is clearly moronic.

So Betsy is going to have a little talk with our landlord, unfortunately I don't know if we have any legal ground to stand on but we might, pretty much everything has been verbal, not written down. It is really irritating because he is stupid, as in he doesn't listen, nor does he communicate well. Our problem is we don't bitch enough, so we get the shaft, we need to get our bitch on.

In the presence of greatness

Excitement in store for this evening, my quasi-celebrity reality TV pal will be gracing us with her presence, along with her boy-toy MS Flava. I'm itching to get off work and enjoy some jovial times watching Survivor and spending QT with these fine people (along with my other fabulous friends, but they aren't as exciting since they live here).

the end is near, and someone(s) loves me afterall

In a very un-Charlie Brown like moment, I came home to a valentine in my mailbox from not one, but 3 very attractive and creative men vying for my attention; Kanye West, Jamie Foxx and Common. Apparently they all have the hots for me.

As much as I'd like to live in the fantasy that these men, though they have never met me, are famous and certainly have attractive women fawning over them all the time, I suspect that one of my funny gal pals put it together (main suspects being Fuj or Betsy, Fuj denies it though so I'm pretty sure it was Betsy). In any case they were f-ing hilarious and totally made my day. The rest of the evening was anti-climatic and involved me going to the gym and discovering how out of shape I am, watching the valentine Charlie Brown special, Gilmore Girls and the movie "Love Jones" as previously planned. There was a brief moment where Cassie and I almost decided to go out, but we each opted for our jammies and our respective televisions.

Something else that is swell is that I'm can see the light at the end of the tunnel, i.e. my credit card debt will be paid off in fewer than 10 months, if I didn't decide to quit my job, cash out my retirement and use that to finish them off, which I may still do, though my financial advisor advised against that course of action. I suppose in theory I should save for the future, but that is all in theory.

crisis averted

Breathing a sigh of relief at thwarting potentially really bad things happening to my checking account, surely rendering me homeless, thankfully, I will remain with home for at least the time being.

Oh yes, tomorrow is Valentine's day. I have a sultry date with my television, who will display a fresh episode of Gilmore Girls for me, after that we may get the DVD player involved and watch old episodes of Gilmore Girls, or maybe even a movie, the remote and I will get all snuggly and drink tea.

Cassie and I finished another movie off in our movie rampage, yesterday we ticked the Narnia movie off our list, then played a resounding game of skeeball (Big Buck Hunter having already been occupied). Even though I'm no longer a Christian I did enjoy the movie, I just tried to ignore the Biblical overtones.

crows feet

I was in that "I'm getting old" mood last night again, thinking about how in about 3 months I'll be 27, 3 years beyond that and I'll hit 30. I mean seriously, I'll soon be in my "late 20's", well, I better not think too hard, I'll get depressed, as I often do when I think too hard.

That said I'm in a better mood, my finances are in a dire state, not that that's new, I finally got my car back after I got swindled by Autopia. Having the ladies over tonight for book club, that may sound lame for a friday night, but we'll have a rip roaring good time, and hopefully indulge in a bit o live music performed by Truth before he goes on tour.

what happened to that global warming

No, it isn't Subzero, and we've only had one real cold snap early this winter, but temps have fallen to more of a normal range(single digits warming up to mid 20's), and I didn't wear my hat this morning, it was chilly.

I've been in a bad mood since Tuesday, feeling some stress, thinking about starving and repressed people in the world so I can keep things in perspective. On a good note I think the mouse left, I can hold on to that.

if it's not one thing, it's another

Finally reunited with the latest Fiona album, I forgot to bring it to work today in my haste to catch the bus, it is a recent addition to my collection so we are in the honey moon phase in which I want to listen to it on repeat. Angsty, just what I need.

My taxes are confusing me this year due to stupid Partylite. I did not make a significant amount of income from it at all, so do I even need to include it? I have no idea, any accountants out there that want to offer free tax advice?

Well, I did a little sketching last night here at the local shop, trying to, dare I say it, solidify an idea for a painting. Yes, I have a goal people, I should just keep my mouth shut so I don't get held up to it. This is why I always hesitate to share my goals, for fear that somewhere down the line someone will be like, "hey, weren't you going to start that llama and camel farm in the rocky mountains by August of '05", and then I have to be like "uh yeah, it just didn't work out", when really I was just lazy and afraid of change. Anyways, there is this very not a big deal annual art show at a local church that if I get motivated I could submit a painting to, so that is my goal.

Finally saw Brokeback Mountain over the weekend (as well as Purple Rain which was the midnight movie). Quite enjoyed it, brought some thoughts to the surface about lack of ability to share emotion, Ennis reminded me a bit of my father, his difficulty in sharing emotion (not his being gay, though who really knows I guess my dad could be in the closet), and my dad has always wanted to be some cowboy/rancher type out west. Maybe its because I'm never up with current events, but I'm also surprised that there hasn't been more controversy surrounding the film from religious folk, though like I say, maybe I just haven't been paying attention.

we meet

Mouse infestation is confirmed, I saw Lucy run excitedly, Betsy was brave and moved the object to reveal the vermin, it ran through my room and appears to be residing there as I type this. The cats are poised for attack, perhaps they will be victorious. Ick ick ick, that is so disgusting. I will name the mouse Mopie, I figure it will be around for awhile so we may as well get on more friendly terms.

happy/sad

Dearest Olivia is staying in Vienna, this is happy, yet sad b/c I was looking forward to possible reunification. Someday though, someday.

I'm happy because Sally did not get kicked off survivor on the first show, her tribe did very well, and I was amused at her lack of concern for the dead turtle. I've got hope for them pancakes.

Yet I'm sad because I just learned the the only bar I've been to in Boston closed or is closing soon, The Littlest Bar, where I spent 2 of the only 3 hours that I've ever spent in Boston last winter. A tiny place with good people. I had a dog on my lap, met a man who picked up Jesus posing as a hitchhiker, and was well taken care of, don't think I paid for nary a pint, but left with a sufficient buzz to face the bitter cold. It was a pub I know my friends would love and had hoped that on the roadtrip that we will actually take someday, we could've stopped there. Ah well.

Sad that my car is dead, but happy that Kevin is going to fix it for me.

I've got good pals, that makes me happy.

your 'sota fans

Sally's gonna be smokin' hot on the premier of Survivor tonight, ya'll should check out our beloved friend and cheer her on. Here's to you Sally (picture imaginary toast), may your game be on, your schemes be clever, and your luck be good.

I also just received 3 season of Gilmore Girls on loan from my beloved co-worker, don't be too shocked if you see me away from the TV folks, I'm sure it's only temporary.

whatchu lookin' at?

dirty kitchen
Originally uploaded by snielson.

There is possibility of vermin in our apartment. I have not yet seen any vermin, but the cats stare steadily under the fridge or stove or up at the pantry, just sitting...watching...I peered underneath, trying to shine a flashlight so to see if I could spy some beady little eyes or a hairless tail, but I couldn't see all the way to the back.

The possibility of vermin does not surprise me...take note of the grossness that is our kitchen (and yes, that is our kitchen it is that small). Recycling will pile up for days, floor is consistently unswept, dishes may be washed but you'd be lucky to find a wiped down surface. Betsy is good about washing the dishes, but other than that any cleaning is usually done by me, and it isn't any secret that I'm not very tidy. Critters can feast in our home for days, maybe it will cozy up in my bed with me. Ahhh, I just recalled the time when Olivia and I had a mouse and it peed on her bed. Oh, and the time the bat fell on my wrist, and when I kicked the mouse accidentally when I lived with my brother and that other guy. Can there be a new little creature to run screaming from and be completely disgusted by, a new vermin to share our humble home with? Lets hope not.

uh, who stole my cheese?

Granted, I stole the cheese in the first place, BUT only b/c the fridge was being cleaned out and had thrown the cheese (string cheese, perfect for snacking) in the garbage b/c it was maybe a week beyond it's sell by date, obviously still acceptable to be eaten in my book. So I plucked the cheese from the garbage (it was wrapped in plastic, so not as disgusting as it sounds). Now, the cheese is gone, who took it? If it was the original owner, fine, even though if it wasn't for me that cheese would be rotting away in some trash heap.

My eye hurts (another stroke coming on?), my car died again, and now this...the cheese I stole has been stolen.

I went to hear Camille Paglia do a book reading a.k.a. ranting about whatever she felt like last night. It was quite the entertainment, and now I want to be a genius, or at least actively learn more, or at least read more (poetry amongst other things).
However, this event did require me to miss the State of the Union Address, and since I'm not much into politics, I don't think (according to the rapper I saw at First Ave. on Sat.), therefore stunting the growth of my potentially genius brain. Oh well.

come together

So I gave some money to the guy that goes door to door asking for donations for the environmentalist organization he's apart of a few months ago. Now, every month or so I get an email regarding current issues and something practical we can do to help out. Today's email was about global warming, so I spent a bit of time reading up on global warming, and now I'm paranoid about global warming. I'm thinking I should accomplish any major life goals in the next few months, travel, land a husband, pop out at least one kid, buy a house. I better get a move on, or start rallying my community to be more environmentally aware.

Most of the time when I see a guy wearing makeup, I think boy, that guy looks really hot with that black eyeliner. I'd like to see more guys wearing makeup.

I wonder

I was reading an article in Bethel's monthly? publication for alums regarding sexuality and homosexuality over at Jenni's. After finishing the articles, I told Jenni that I don't think I'm a Christian. Let's see, I haven't cracked open my Bible in months, when I do I rarely try to "get into the word", reading into verses what I want them to say rather than what they actually say. I sin, and most of the time if I haven't done any major damage to myself or someone else, I continue to do so because well, it's fun. I mean, I was reading this article, profs talking about the scriptures that say that homosexual acts (not being a homosexual in and of itself) are sinful, and through grace a person with homosexual tendencies can either remain celibate, or entirely change their orientation. The question was posed on when someone should be separated from the Christian community based on their unwillingness to change. Who the hell decides that? First of all only an obvious "sin", such as being gay, having an addiction, an affair, looking at porn, having premarital sex, etc. (all of which can be hidden, so you never even know the people you are in community with) what about the other shit that people take part in every day, judgement, materialism, gluttony, laziness, it's been my experience that these issues are not as severe.

Apparently I have no faith, I don't always feel strong against temptation, like I can be faced with temptation to sin and I'll pray and Jesus will give me a way out simple as that. Not to mention that the sins I'd be most judged for are the least of my worries. I'm most satisfied when I look back and see the ways that I've grown into myself, things that are hard sometimes, like being open and achieving intimacy in relationships, being honest with people in a way that is sincere and caring, being honest with myself, seeking passion, living in the moment, accepting people however they are. I feel heavy when I think about all these things, keeping a checklist of my rights and wrongs, did I pray, did I read my Bible, I was materialistic, I ate too much, I smoked, I drank too much, I fooled around with some random guy, I was rude to a coworker, or I talked about her behind her back, I don't volunteer or try to better my community, etc. I mean it's a ridiculous amount of things that I do on a daily basis in which I fall short, some I want to change, some I don't care to right now, when do I get separated according to Paul?, should've been done a long time ago, am I supposed to be beating myself up everyday for my lack of will and faith?

let's be honest

I take back any feelings of sympathy I had for James Frey, he lied about far too much to in any way justify it, at least I checked his book out from the library rather than paying hard earned cash for it, money being an obvious motivation.

Cassie kicked me in the ass last night, in a good way. Instead of beating around the bush and falling back on MN nice technique, I am challenging myself to be straight with someone as well, to learn to be forward, yet tactful.

isn't that sweet

50 Cent and Mobb Deep got tatoos to show their loyatlty to each other, but what if they have beef down the line, then they have tatoos to painfully remind them of what once was.

I was chatting with my coffee shop buddy last night, who is a musician, and he seems to think that I could have a good voice based on my speaking voice, perhaps I really do have untapped vocal talent. I have always wanted to be a rocker chick, but Cassie fits that role so much better since she's bad-ass and drums, I'm too shy and naive.

The weather is so springlike today, looking forward to the day when it is safely spring, and we can sit outside and drink beer with the sun beating down on us, grill and drink beer, read in the sun and drink beer, etc. etc.

Does anyone else feel bad for James Frey? How humiliating must that be to be called out like that on a national level, and I loved his book. Of course now the book doesn't pack the same punch. I wonder if he was sitting with Oprah that first time and thinking, "oh shit, I could potentially be in deep here." It took some balls to go back on her show though. Hmm, I don't know what to think about it, in one sense I feel like I've been duped and part of me feels bad for the guy for having such a high and low in a short period of time. It could potentially push him into using again, I know I'd sure like a stiff drink or ten after something like that.

in my pocket?

When I had to have my car towed, almost 3 weeks ago, I wrote a check. This check has not yet been cashed, I have hope that they lost it and it's just money in my pocket. Watch me spend it and then they cash it months later and I lose hundreds in overdraft fees, and I'll be forced to either be homeless and panhandle or move in with my mother.

I'm afraid I've gotten hooked on the reality show "beauty and the geek" which is on tonight after another favorite, "one tree hill". Both fine examples of high quality television of which I'm not ashamed to indulge. I almost made it to work on time today (8:12!), so I can leave with ample time to do my other work, pick up cat litter, and head home for an exhilirating evening of TV.

follow your heart

Choir wasn't as fun as I had hoped, I don't like the song and I was by far the youngest person there, there may have been a couple people in their 30's but most are geriatric, so my fantasy of meeting a sexy choir boy will not come to fruition. I'll try and stick it out though, at the very least there are treats every week.

I'm really trying to work on being on time to work, but I'm still about 20 minutes late each morning. I'm so rude to people here, as in I'm irritable, and I don't try to hide it. So now I'm trying to be nice to this lady on the phone when before I was clearly annoyed because I have to explain things five times, but she continues to be kind towards me so I'm trying to adjust my attitude. Why do I get more irritated with someone when they ask me to do something for them nicely, I don't know really, but it really grates on me when someone comes over all sugar sweet, I think I find it condescending.

Hmm, look at me consistently writing about how irritated I get with my job, yet do I do anything about, no. I'm so lame sometimes.

I wanna be sedated

Tonight is my first night of choir. Those of you that have heard me sing may be wondering why I would subject a choir to my vocal err...talents. Well, I actually have decent pitch and and can blend well in a choir, it's when I sing by myself that there is a problem, though I have sang a couple of duets in my day with my old friend Julia such as the Star Spangled Banner during HS sporting events. Anyways, I've always enjoyed choir so I'm excited to have a casual weekly time of singing sacred choral music.

I just read today that scientists are working on making cultured meat. They take cells from an animal, "culture" them, and can enhance the meat with various nutrients, saving the animals from poor and inhumane farming conditions, as well as making the meat healthier, AND helping to relieve starvation. Interesting.

I'm not a loser after all

I had 3 friends at the party (one that I regret inviting), five if you count the 2 guests Rachel brought as my friends by default. Betsy on the other hand had approx. 25 friends and acquaintances that showed, it was very crowded in our tiny place, but quite fun, I did not however, get laid.

I will now proceed to laze about, or maybe clean.

crabby and short

Unfortunately I haven't been trained in the fine details of nursing, and yet I'm expected to know proper names of medications. Oh how I hate when Sandy is not here and I have to do her shit, she's one of those types that goes above and beyond, so the nurses are spoiled, then when I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I get my head bitten off, or the general impression is that I'm dumb. So today I've been crabby and short.

Betsy and I are having a little shindig tomorrow, I have no friends that will be attending, this may make me look like a loser. Not that we even have space for a large party.

well, I guess some people have fulfilling jobs

Betsy and I were chatting the other day, she was lamenting about going further into debt and not having a fulfilling job. I almost scoffed, thinking who in their post liberal arts college 20's has a fulfilling job?, especially those of us with degrees in the arts (hers in Literature). So her parents want her to move home and go back to school, tell her that she's wasting her time, blah, blah. I feel bad for her, her mother is an engineer. Frankly I think she has a fulfilling job(s), she works with kids, she tutors, she just got a job at a bookstore, all those sound like desireable jobs to me, though they don't pay all that well. Then again I have a penchant for mediocrity, so just about anything other than what I'm doing sounds fine to me. Or I could compare myself to peers that actually do impressive things with themselves and get really depressed. I prefer to slog through my days and drink my cares away.

being flexible

Well, I was going to go to IKEA and hunt for something that will eliminate cat pee smell (not at IKEA, at the vet), but now I have happy hour plans. Perhaps some wine will release some of my anxiety. I wonder if I have any vinegar at home, hmmmm.

Lata sucka's

Oh bother

Feeling a bit eeyoreish today, a bit stressed about things. I've got holiday lumpiness that I discovered through some ill-fitting clothing that wasn't previously ill-fitting. Things are more up in the air then I like, which means I have to make choices, which makes me feel uncomfortable. My car's fan is broken which means minimal heat, but at least the weather is mild enough. I could bitch and moan more, but this is enough for now.

best of

Per request I'll share a little anecdote from my youth, let's go all the way back to kidnergarten. Imagine me at 5 years old; chubby, shy, disheveled, my only friends thus far having been farm animals...but, I could draw a really good bird. I may have made a friend or two on the bus, another girl with the same name as me, and Sonya, who I approached and asked to be my friend (she agreed), but alas we were not in the same class. Anyways, as the year went on my social skills didn't exactly improve, I vaguely remember once instance when I played with a boy named Anthony, but beyond that I was alone. At the end of the year our Teacher gave everyone a prize to highlight something that we were good at, and of course she had to give one to everybody. Yes, I got the prize "Best able to play by myself", I was praised for my incredible ability to busy myself despite a lack of friends.

stroke?

I feel like I just had a minor stroke, as in I feel nauseous, have a headache, couldn't see well for a short time, and my right hand and arm went numb. I've since regained eyesight and feeling in my fingers, and I just took some non-aspirin and waiting to see if that helps. I'm thinking I will leave early and go lay down.

On top of that I'm listening to VH1 radio, I love the 90's, and bringing back those memories of adolescence and High School. I was by no means popular, but I don't despise my high school experience. I may have been nerdy, but I wasn't ridiculed, I was too much of a wallflower to be ridiculed, I moreso went unnoticed. I definitely would go to the next reunion, I'm sure many are married with children, I know many didn't leave Owatonna, including most of my good friends from back then, to each their own I guess.

It is really difficult to find long, brown boot laces.

life as we know it

Cassie and I are into the third season of "Six Feet Under", Claire is in art school, so there are some ideas thrown around in the show regarding well, art. Cassie and I enjoy this since we are of course both highly talented artists, well, she's talented, and I like to think that I am too. Anyways, in one episode, Claire is in class and her prof. is babbling about something along the lines of how most artists latch on to a previous or famous artist's ideas or technique and it's because they are embarrassed to show what is really inside them, essentially embarrassed of themselves. That was the jist I got from it anyways. It's a pretty common theme amongst artists, the whole having your own ideas, being original, finding your voice or whatever. I haven't made a painting in at least 2 years. I know that I'm definitely embarrassed by myself and my ideas as I'm sure has been gathered by anyone who reads this blog. I try to think of a theme, and my mind is blank, it all seems so derived. Or, as in the espisode we watched last night...everything has been done already, so it's just putting your own spin on a redundant idea? and what if that feels forced? what if I'm really good at and really like painting children and puppies, but in order to be a real artist I have to be saying something with my work, a child and puppy has to offer some commentary, something thought provoking rather than just a pretty thing to hang on the wall, though plenty of "artists" are in it only to make pretty things (uh, like Kinkade perhaps?) Where I'm going with this, I really have no idea, but I've been thinking about my embarrassment, and if/how I might share it, how that might affect things, I mean personally and all. Just thinking is all.

I'm feeling restless, and tired of my excuses.

dozing

Had computer training today, of course 2/3 of it didn't pertain to me and I couldn't even get online, I just had to sit there and try to stay awake. I played a bit of Ms. Pac Man on my phone.

I just realized that I am wearing brown shoes and a black shirt.

finally again

I woke up bleary eyed this morn at 7:10, and realized that I had been sleeping through my alarm. I dragged myself out of bed, flicked on the early show, cozied up on the sofa and leapt eyes upon my dear friend Sally. It appears as though she will be on the next season of Survivor:Exile Island! I'm sure your thinking "wow, you know 2 people on reality TV, you must be pretty cool" Yes, yes I am pretty cool.

I finally got my New Year's pics on here.

The weather has been extremely mild the past few weeks, and it's sunny out today.

Fuj and I

Fuj and I
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Todd riverdancing

Todd riverdancing
Originally uploaded by snielson.

I had no idea that Todd had moves like this

I'm the winner

I'm the winner
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Look, I won best blog of 2005!! I'd like to thank my mom and dad...my fantabulous friends...and my Lord and Savior, JC

me and Sal

me and Sal
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Reunited with Sal... and it feels so good

I just hope she remembers the little people

Portrait of Fuj and I

Portrait of Fuj and I
Originally uploaded by snielson.

MS flava and Sally

MS flava and Sally
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Flava being his half gay self with a baloon tied to his wrist, and Sally, soon to be featured in next season's Survivor

toast

toast
Originally uploaded by snielson.

A New Years toast

Me and Jenni

Me and Jenni
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Look, my hair fades into the background...looks kinda creepy

Sarah and me with the tree

Christmas photo
Originally uploaded by snielson.

I think this can be our Christmas card for next year

focused

focused
Originally uploaded by snielson.

working on my Pilates technique

In the city streets

In the city streets
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Fujalicious and myself, bashing around the streets of Chicago

brunch

brunch
Originally uploaded by snielson.

NYE brunch, Jenni, Beth, me and Sally

most recent near death experience

My adventure filled weekend proceeded thusly...
Friday night I get home from work, read a bit, then hop in my car to go to Cassie's as we had plans to hit up a couple art openings. I'm driving along on the freeway and my car loses battery power, this poses a problem because there is no shoulder and I didn't make it to the exit ramp. So I'm stalled in a lane of traffic, it's dark, I have my flashers on but cars are coming at me fast, several near accidents, and one actual accident (not serious) occurs, it was a bit unnerving though the police came to my aid pretty quickly. I felt bad being the cause of all that trouble. Anywho, I get my car towed to the shop, Cassie picks me up and we are on our way. We go to meet up with Jenni at her place since the first gallery is in her building, the show is over but we head down to see if there is still anyone milling around, nope, but the door was unlocked so we sneaked around and looked at the art. We chill at Jenni's for a bit before heading to our next destination in Northeast. The next show was still going strong by the time we get there at 11, I was warmly greeted by the gallery owner with a hug, I felt special. Another gallery down the street was open too, so we checked that out, made pals with the owner, his brother and his buddy. We all ponder over to the bar down the street which had been fairly recently bought out and refubished from a total dive (and I'm talking real dive, not a trendy dive like the Dragon), to a pretty hip place. We enjoyed the company of our new artsy friends, marvelled at the change in atmosphere of the bar (we had all gone once while it was in its divish state trying to find a Nikki's replacement), and danced to some Stones (beast of burden, in your honor Olivia).

Yesterday was bridal shower and bachelorette pary extravaganza for my oldest and dearest friend Jenny P., who though she had been in an irritable state with me the previous evening (due to my car issues), was in a better mood when she picked me up. I saw a bunch of folk I haven't seen in years at the shower, and actually won a prize. Jenny and I differ in taste and lifestyle, which is why we aren't as close as we once were, she prefers the subarbs and cheesy country music, I stick to the city and good music. So her idea of fun for the evening was to go to a bar in a southern 'burb, dress up in prom dresses and dance to a cover band. Honestly I thought I wasn't exactly looking forward to it and figured I'd probably end up sitting alone in the corner, chain smoking. I was dog tired, but I got a little dressed up in my old prom dress (not really formal, just a simple black number), tights and my sexy boots. I caught my second wind and actually had a decent time, we brought Peter Pecker, the blow up doll with an erect penis along, so that in and of itself made the evening entertaining and worthwhile. And I was totally productive this morning and did some thorough cleansing of the apartment.

For tomorrow...pics from New Years, I'm too lazy right now to deal with them.

some miscellaneous photos

Animals, a baby, friends, my mother...a slice of my world to share with y'all (and I have nothing of interest to write about), more coming soon!

Public Service Announcement
Originally uploaded by snielson.

A logical and sound warning against public fornication

chillin' at the Pig
Originally uploaded by snielson.

(from L to R) Cassie, Jenni, Alex, Ann, Todd, and myself in my fiestaware sweater enjoying some post church fellowship

Clara and mom
Originally uploaded by snielson.

My mom was not shy to express her opinion on Clara's looks, and how she is a better looking baby than any of her other grandchildren. This led to a dicussion about the cuteness of her own children, how Romaine wasn't too cute, Mark was pretty (he's her favorite), then I asked, "What about me mom?", her reply was something to the effect of "uhhh, yeah sure, you were cute" in a not so convincing tone.

me and George
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Why does he resist my love? Its always gotta be on his terms

Clara
Originally uploaded by snielson.

someone's got their eye on you
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Lucy, pondering how to thwart lecherous Snuffy's unwelcome advances

boozehound George
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Looks like George is about to fall off the wagon yet again, he can't resist the siren song of Leine's Honeyweiss

home
Originally uploaded by snielson.

The 'ol farm, where I grew up

Holly and I in our nasty office
Originally uploaded by snielson.

Holly and myself trying to maintain a positive attitude in our vermin infested office

satisfactory

I must have had a good start to my day because as I was driving to work I thought to myself, "Self, things are pretty satisfactory, you're going places!" Then I chuckled because, well, whether I'm actually "going places" is yet to be determined, nor is it top priority for me to go places. I got to work only 26 minutes late, so though I'm not improving at least I'm not regressing in my lateness. Baby steps.

owie

I slipped and biffed on the porch stairs, got the hard, sharp concrete stair in the back, that one felt good. I could have died, broken my back, or had some other severe injury, I should sue my landlord for having unsafe conditions, the stairs were very icy.

By sunday I'm going to have my room in decent shape and the apartment spotless for Betsy's return. That's my goal anyways.

That's about all the excitement I have right now.

a new year, a new deductible

Possible and popular New Years Resolutions that I could choose to give a go at.

1. Excercise regularly: Unfortunately my health insurance (from a healthcare facility) doesn't participate in the reimbursment program at the gym. When I inquired as to why, the reponse was that it cost too much money. This almost makes me want to get obese and acquire heart disease and diabetes just to show them how much it could cost otherwise. In any case I am pondering joining a real gym, not the thing they call a gym here at the hospital.

2. Quit smoking: A couple friends claim that they are going to quit smoking. Having seen first hand the lack of self control we all have, especially when we all get together and have a few drinks, I won't hold my breath. I myself haven't made this resolution, in fact I'll step outside for a smoke as soon as I'm done writing this, but, it will be the first of the day (8 p.m.ish).

3. Stop being mean to George: I don't severely abuse the cat, but I often tell him to shut up, and I may toss him a few feet, but he's a cat, he lands on his feet. Clearly it is ineffective since he continues to be annoying.

4. Exude creativity: I've got paper, paints, an easel, pencils, charcoal, ink, other miscellaneous odds and ends, I can at least lay down some paint and see what shows up.

5. Organize my space: My room has been in a state of dissarray since I switched rooms, I need to stop putting it off (but I've really been busy, honest).

6. Become self-aware and experience enlightenment: By the year 2007, I plan to know myself completely and be entirely spiritually in tune.

I had a fantastic New Year's in Chicago, wonderful and gracious hosts, plenty of hearty laughter, good music, food, booze, and fellowship. My only complaint was the time spent there was too short. Pictures of debauchery coming soon.