a breath of fresh air

That is what I like to think of myself as, a breath of fresh air.


It has been confirmed by the blogosphere...all the eligible men are taken, so there is no point. I actually gave a go at fulfilling one of my goals and giving a young man the f*** me eyes this past weekend. He wasn't quite a stranger as I've met him a couple times before which made it easier, and more laughable since I frankly can't take myself seriously when attempting to be seductive. Also I was with my young friend (the one who bagged the only attractive single dude on NYE), who I used to not feel, shall I say for fear of sounding conceited, threatened by per se when it came to picking up dudes, but have since learned that she is an expert at it since she mananges to pick up dudes wherever she goes whereas...I am and do not. Yeah, I know it's part of the whole mating game, and I thought maybe I could handle the potential rejection since the only loss would be the little bit of self-esteem that remains, but I'm not sure if I can even risk that. I hit my prime a couple years ago where I felt cute, charming, witty, smart, thin...I was going places! I could attract cute dudes who actually read quality literature!, but failure has pushed me past that prime and I now I feel silly (and fat and also old). I also have like to hold out hope that some handsome, young-ish, intelligent, incredibly witty lad will be charmed by my awkwardness and will think me cute enough to be attentive and it'll be one of those rare times that I feel at ease (though probably with the aid of alcohol) and I'll feel semi-confident which will result in a decent conversation during which I portray myself as being somewhat funny and maybe even a little smart and there will be no need for f*** me eyes because the sparks will be a-flyin' and our inability to stop gazing at each other lustfully will be in full force and the flirting will all be quite natural.

Yeah, right. Or god forbid it happens and then at some point down the road, out of nowhere I'm dropped like a hot potato, devastated with a newfound sense of feeling destined to be alone.

Anyways, I can barely remember being 25, hell, I can barely remember 27, although I felt a pang of nostalgia over a memory of living in the (not literally) frat house. I have a serious nostalgia problem that I don't think can be fixed, and everything is transient so I'm essentially screwed. Therapy would possibly help except I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not cut out for therapy.

underwhelmed

I'm re-watching old episodes of Felicity again, I had forgotten how embarrassing Felicity is during her freshman year, and I find Ben to be more attractive, when in the past I've always thought Noel was more attractive. I think this is telling, and not in a good way...Ben is the popular dude who can get any girl, is more insensitive than Noel (although Noel certainly has his moments), and a overall screw-up. This concerns me since as I get older and more mature I should be finding Noel to be increasingly more attractive. Perhaps it should also concern me that I'm guaging my personal growth on a TV show.

In other exciting news I got a flash drive for Christmas and am pleased to report that I was able to back up my music and my photos onto it.

Whoo, I know that really must have almost made you pass out with excitement.

I feel also that I maybe was a little harsh on my 'ol pa in my last post...he's a decent dude, I just think to say that he inspires adoration in any of his children's hearts is quite a stretch of the imagination. Adoration is a pretty strong word.

So yeah, Felicity and flash drives are about the extent of excitement that I can handle these days. Christmas with the family was standard, me feeling generally awkward while my paranoia feeds and tells me that my family thinks I'm weird, which drives me to mostly sit by myself and play sudoku the entire time that I'm there. As far as my baked goods, my cookies went over well, but the eggnog cupcakes that I slaved over were barely touched. These cupcakes consisted of an eggnog flavored cake, which was filled with eggnog pastry cream, frosted with bourbon cream cheese frosting and decorated with a frosting poinsetta. I understand if you don't like eggnog, but my family likes eggnog yet barely a cupcake was eaten. I give up. NYE was spent in Chicago mostly with people I don't now a solid 6-7 years younger than myself and mostly coupled, and of course the friend I was with bagged the only attractive single dude there. I'm starting to feel lame and ugly and general malaise. In any case, the rest of my time in the windy city was nice, seeing friends and eating greek food and such. Sally and myself went on the great hotdog hunt of 2009. Surprisingly enough when I arrived home I had quite an appreciation for Minneapolis, mostly the ease of parking and getting from point a to point b, and I just kinda like it.

Hopefully, if I get a hefty tax refund, I will be in the market for a new beater. I really scored a lemon with this most recent car purchase. I guess it runs and stuff, but the list the mechanic gave me of stuff that needs fixing at my most recent oil change is pretty overwhelming, and I think I can do better. I was too trusting, thinking the dude who sold me my car was a nice old dad type who wouldn't screw me over...I was wrong. Hopefully I can get a couple hundred bucks for my car and invest that into a decent beater costing me an overall $300-500.

Looking forward to spring, only 3 or 4 months now.