Thursday, February 18, 2010

can this day go any slower

The time is dragging by...usually by this time in the afternoon zips by seeing as how I feel as though I need to buckle down so that it looks like I've accomplished something, but this afternoon is creeping along at snail pace. I suppose not filling my time with searching out JET interview tips is leaving me at a loss for work distractions. Speaking of my interview, I feel slightly more confident about it than last year. I wouldn't say I nailed it, but I don't feel like I bombed it either. Who knows, watch me not even make it on the alternate list this year. I have no idea how many applicants they've had, or how many they are accepting. Like last year, I'm assuming the competition is still pretty tight due to the economy, and current JETs are probably sticking it out longer. I should probably figure out a plan B though in case the news isn't good. My co-worker was trying to convince me this morning to go to dental hygienist school with her. I've thought about it before, I mean, you make good money (like 2x as much as I do now), I could pay off my debt, then ease into the life of art and leisure that I desire. Hmmm, I may have to research this more.

The weather here has been quite lovely and mild the past few weeks, feeling as though spring may actually be around the corner. Of course I'm sure in a week or so March will dump a crapload of snow on us as per usual, but at least the temps are bearable. I spent v-day crashing in on my newlywed bud's (Sally and Michael) love-fest in Chicago, so that I could interview the following day. I was too preoccupied with my impending interview to think about how I'm destined to be alone for this and every future Valentine's day.

I'm losing the battle with my bulge I feel. As I continue to gravitate toward the form of the quintessential chubby girl, I've been half-heartedly attempting a go at weight watchers after seeing my roommate successfully lose over 10 lbs that she didn't need to on the program. Unfortunately one night of indulgence can pretty much use up all your flex, and things that I've been eating that I thought were pretty healthy eat up my "points" faster than one would think, so I can't say I've been doing too diligent about it. Oh, and the booze, my almost nightly couple beers or couple glasses of wine take up a quarter of my allowed points! Throw in a weekend in Chicago and the annual fondue party and I pretty much am a porker. I finally got myself a kettlebell, and have been attending some kettlebell classes as well. Good lord, if I never do a turkish sit-up again it will be too soon. The left side of my body is significantly weaker than my right. So my portliness, along with my recent bout of adult acne has got me feeling none too sexy.

Well, I had a decent session with my shrink last week. We talked about my interview and how I could try to convey more confidence, then had some awkward silence, then I brought up some other stuff that sparked decent interactions.

Other than that work still pretty much sucks. I feel like my co-worker is always talking smack about me and I feel loads of resentment towards her. I've decided she despises me because her husband flrits with me at work events. Well, he flirts with a lot of people, but I'm young and unmarried so it probably grabs her attention more when he flirts with me. I've been overall mostly successful at quitting smoking, averaging about one cig a week, that pretty much disgusts me as soon as I start smoking it, but I feel bad not finishing it since then I've wasted a cigarette.

Friday, February 05, 2010


It's that time of year again. In a little over a week from now I will once again suffer through my JET interview. One would think that since I've been through it once, I would feel more prepared, but I don't. I can only hope that I can be a bit more relaxed and confident seeming, at least I have a better idea of what they might ask me, I think anyways.

I started seeing a shrink again. I don't understand what it is about shrinks that make me cry, but they get me every time. When I talk about the same issues with my pals who I'm more comfortable with I don't -usually- get weepy. Anywho, I've only seen her a couple times thus far, and once again, I feel like I'm just not cut out for therapy. I have such a difficult time opening up. This particular shrink claims she's less cognitive-behavioral (which I don't really care for), and that she will get to the "core" of my issues and who I am, which sounded fine by me. I must be pretty daft though, because during our last session she kept asking me where I think my negative self-talk comes from, so I say likely from my negative and not especially supportive family and growing up experience. This answer is apparently not good enough as she keeps asking me over and over again saying that she isn't me and therefore doesn't know, meanwhile, I can't come up with any better answer, and the shrink consequently tells me that I don't know myself very well. This may be true, but I felt offended, as well as a little stupid that I couldn't get what she was asking. Well, I guess I'll see how my next appt. goes. I seem to find something wrong with all shrinks though so I'll probably ditch this one too.