Saturday, September 26, 2009

The floodgates

It happened the summer following my freshman year of high school. My two sisters, brother and myself were on a sibling camping adventure. On our agenda...whitewater rafting. I'm neither athletic nor adventurous, therefore the prospect of whitewater rafting sent my heart a-palpitating. When we found ourselves running late the morning that we were to embark on this endeavor, I felt hopeful. The frenzy to arrive at our destination had left no time to pee. Noelle sped the car along and barked at me to change into my swimsuit, she'd glance furtively at me in the rear view mirror with furrowed brow to make sure I was complying. Sweaty and terrified that my brother might look back and catch an eyeful, I attempted to shimmy into my suit in a manner that showed as little skin as possible. Much to my chagrin we made it just in time. Of course, by this time, the urge to pee was steadily increasing. The rushing water, jostling, and gripping fear of our raft flipping, consequently sending me downstream to crash into sharp objects, was not helping. We managed to make it through unscathed.

Afterwards, Romaine wanders off to relieve herself in some disgusting latrine in the woods. By this time I had to pee something fierce, but I'd be damned if I'd subject myself to a stanky biffy. I was certain I could hold it. We waited what seemed like a millenium for the crew to load the gear, and I felt a trickle run down my leg. Seconds later the floodgates opened and and no amount of clenching could close them. I stood there as the urine escaped my bladder, seemingly in slow motion, while I looked at my siblings with desperation and embarrassment. At the age of 13, I had wet myself.

This post is written for the Great Experiment, feel free to vote for me, topic is embarrassing moment if you couldn't tell.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

ready to drop

I am pert near exhausted...I do believe I have been "out" practically every night for easily the last three weeks, if not five or six. I haven't been this social since I was in my roaring 20's, and I'm beat. In fact, after I finish work this evening I plan on taking a power nap and then possibly attending bar trivia. The rest of the week, however, looks to be a bit slower then the previous few...thank god.

In other news I had a rollicking good time with my co-workers while in attendance at another co-worker's wedding. Funny how fun it can be cutting a rug with those ladies, especially the one's who are henious, condescending wenches when we are at work. Actually only one nurse that was there last night is in actuality a wench to me at work, the rest are all very pleasant to work with (okay make that 2 nurses). I managed to not rip the dress that was a tad too tight for me. In fact the scale has made a downward turn instead of up! Encouraging! I must say I've been pretty good about cutting back on the sweets and unhealthy stuff as of late, and feeling slightly more svelte as a result. I also just ordered a kettlebell dvd, and will be obtaining an actual kettlebell for myself in the near future, then I'll really be in business. I plan to find muscles that were not previously in existence. I will be a toned goddess.

A boy that a kinda have a little crush on will be in attendance at a party that I have also been invited to. He is a friend of my roommate's friend and earlier this summer we all hung out at this outdoor concert, during which I got, you guessed it, pretty wasted. Granted I'm sure he was in a similar state but I left that event thinking I had made an enormous ass of myself and had left him with a horrible impression of me. Case in point, a couple months later I invited him and the mutual friend to join us for trivia via facebook and received no response whatsoever, even though he was clearly active on facebook. Of course I concluded that he hated me. However, this past week the roommate and I ran into him at a show and I managed to say hello and engage in small talk without looking like a complete fool, and he did not seem put off by my presence. So I may make an attempt at flirtation at the party...and will likely fail miserably.

I am continuously baffled that dudes continue to pursue me when A. I was not in top form around them because of a lack of attraction to them and consequently B. there was clearly zero "spark" between us. Yet they persist and I have no idea why, I could not possibly have come off as that attractive, so I clearly attract desperate and lonely dudes. Meanwhile, the boys that I do find attractive, who are certainly not Abercrombie models and seem well within my league, do not give me the time of day despite my efforts to be outgoing and witty and charming and intelligent and such. Those dudes usually end up with another average looking girl who is probably cool and all, but I have to wonder what those women have that I don't.

Well, I seem to have evaded the full on funk for currently just in my usual state of dissatisfaction and slight melancholy. I've been tossing around the idea of asking he who broke my heart if he wants to get a drink sometime, to which I will likely get no response.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

hello blog

Oh blog, how I have abandoned thee.

Well, last time I posted I had just turned 30, felt the loss of my friend's band and had a falling out with a friend. The friend and I made up a couple months later, and I am still 30 and still a little heartbroken over the demise of my friend's band.

But man, has it been a busy summer. Lots of weekends out of town, a trip to Philly, and attendance of goings on in my lovely city. Minneapolis is pretty great in the summer, but I'm plum exhausted. My old roomie has been in town a couple months and we've been out and about, hearing music and playing pub trivia.

I also decided to try my hand again at online dating, which, I kinda wish I would have just let sleeping dogs lie. I guess the idea has been bouncing around in my head and my roommates and I have been joking about trying it and making a documentary. Then my bro in law was obsessed with me giving it a go when I visited them a month ago, he is clearly concerned by my spinster and childless future. However, I believe what really spurred me on to take the plunge was knowing that the guy who broke my heart was moving back. So I went the cheap route and posted another craigslist ad, which garnered me a slew of responses and I had dates lined up for every night of the week. My experiences ranged between horrible and definitely passable, but nobody that really rocked my boat. The horrible experience was with a guy who I for some reason had thought was close to my age but ended up being well in his forties. Mind you, I have no issue with dating an older dude, there are definitely some attractive dudes in their middle age, but this guy was schlumpy and clearly never left the 'burbs and we obviously had nothing in common. Even though my instinct was to turn tail and run when I saw him I perservered. We had plans to go to this event at the gallery I volunteer at, during which there were going to be presentations. The worst part of the evening was during the last presentation where one of the woman stripped naked and showered in front of everybody...can one say uncomfortable. I felt like I was with a creepy uncle.

So yeah, no love connections from my foray...there are a couple guys that I have plans to see again but don't really envision anything happening beyond friendship.

Then of course I run into he who broke my heart at the state fair of all places, which is frakking huge and so not where I expected to run into him. I did think I might see him at some point since we have mutual friends, but definitely not there. He (and his girlfriend) pretty much turned tail and ran while me and my friend chatted with our mutual pals that he was with. Unfortunately for him when we left we only popped around the corner and promptly came back the way we came so he was there when we passed by again. Of course I didn't care if he felt uncomfortable, so we went over to say hello. He was clearly uncomfortable.

Then, this past weekend my friend and I went to her college town's festival as I have been the last couple years. This time I was expecting to run into said guy, since it is his hometown. In any case, we ended up hanging out with him and his pals (sans their girlfriends) for the evening, very little of which I actually have clear remembrance of since I was extremely intoxicated. No doubt I was obnoxious at some point. Yeah, I feel real great about that experience.

I may be heading into a funk..or it may be a temporary lapse, haven't quite detemined that yet.