hey girl

Watched what some may call trashy (others may call touching and heartbreaking) television show 'shot of love' with Tila Tequila last night. I'm prepared to be thoroughly entertained at my base level by this.

I felt like I had something funny to write about that happened yesterday, but it has left my brain.

I have developed an attraction to this new barista at the bakery I work at, he looks uncannily like the boy who just brutally rejected me. I find myself feeling more self-conscious then usual which leads to resulting 12 year old behavior...being tongue tied around him, nervously giggling, etc.

Well, I'm trying to better myself in order to feel less inclined to self-loathe as I have kinda fallen into the habit of lately. Hoping that my goal of exercising regularly will actually take for more than a week and have found a "life drawing" group to get back into drawing and possibly inspire me to do some painting. I'm not real fond of my shrink, I don't feel like we click that well, then she told me I seem lonely and sad (which in my mind translated to pathetic) and I got offended even though she clearly didn't mean it in that way. I guess I get irritated b/c she seems to infer that I don't want to be there and am making excuses to not come more often, which is due to lack of funds but she's not buying it. She keeps telling me I need to come more often, mentions that she could possibly reduce my copay, but when I tell her I can't afford to come more often with my copay being what it is she's like, "well then, I guess we'll just have to make due" and makes no more mention of reducing the copay as if I'm lying or something. In any case, I'm shopping for a new shrink.