Friday, November 19, 2004

comfortable in my anxiety

that is what my therapist says I am, so she gave me a book "How to Start Conversations and Make Friends", that will help me get out of this comfort zone with my social anxiety. Now, I guess I don't feel that I'm that socially inept, I am capable of meeting people and having conversation, depending on what mood I am, how much energy I have and where I'm at and who I am with. I'm not completely frozen with fear all the time in social situations, but I am aware that I'm pretty self conscious. So I guess I am pretty comfortable with my anxiety, I play into the shy girl role cause I know that is what everyone assumes of me and to break out of that would require effort and risk, that people will like me or they won't, or they will like me now and not later. I'm so used to sitting back and observing that I don't hardly realize that I'm not saying anything, cause in my head I'm usually totally engaged (unless the conversation is completely boring), even if I don't verbalize it so I don't realize that I may be just a bump on a log to the others around me.

Well, enough about my issues, despite getting a really great parking spot today, I'm kinda bummed cause I keep wrecking my clothes in the wash, I ruined my favorite pants and I may have ruined a shirt I bought last night, I washed it cause I got it at the consignment shop, in the delicate cycle, let it air dry and put it on this morning and it has light brown spots on it, like it soaked up the dye from something else is what I was thinking perhaps. I took the clothes out not more than 10 minutes after they were done, so who knows. I soaked it in detergent and if that doesn't work I'll try oxy clean. I'm just mad I didn't even get to wear it yet.


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