pain continued...

my ass still hurts, mostly sitting, walking is much more bearable now. Its the worst when you are stuck to your chair.

The time is flying here, we leave CA on tuesday, bust a move to Colorado to see my sis and her fam., and the infamous fujipants. Then we are going to "swing through" Chicago for a minute. Only two more days of beach, I was hoping to be more healed, but it is a slow process.

Was a drunken dancin' fool last night at da club, almost fell down the stairs trying to grab some dudes ass, I do that from time to time when I've imbibed a bit, not the falling down the stairs (chairs on the other hand...), but the ass grabbing I mean.

pain

I underestimated the power of the SPF 8 to protect me from the rays, especially those parts of me almost never exposed to the sun, and my apparent haphazard application method didn't help either. The swelling in my eyelids seems to have gone down a bit throughout the day. I'm hoping that miraculous healing will commence overnight so that I can face the sun again tomorrow.

So today was spent lounging about, there was no motivation to do anything other than watch vh1, pretty sad really, but I figure my body is healing and we were out late last night Salsa-ing, the advil and red bull/vodka's stripped away the pain of my charred skin. Unfortunately the only good dancer I danced with was literally soaked in sweat, like dripping wet, he was still cute though and he kept apologizing. After we had to put up with Ramon who ate tacos with us and was fairly annoying.

Tomorrow is another day. Hopefuly beach time, then downtown San Diego for shopping and hip hop, tonight we may enjoy a dip in the neighbors pool (Sally is feeding the dogs while he's out of town), in the schnude of course.

pleasantries

Out on the stoop, smoking, a cup of Joe, great company with Sally and M.S., fantastic hospitality has been my experience upon waking in CA. Shortly we will be on the road to Tijuana, and hopefully a little beach time later. Had my first real sushi experience and I'm feeling the love. I'm just enjoying the relaxation and having no agenda, and Diego the frisky cat.

surprisingly

when I stepped out of the office last night the weather was perfect, which really made me mad that I decided to be nice and stay and get work done. Of course when I got home I didn't really know what to do with myself....usually I go to church and go out after but I didn't go to church and did not go out after...I was slightly productive doing a bit of laundry and packing, but I had one beer and it put me in a weird mood, as if I wanted to think deeply but couldn't, or maybe that was just the beer buzz. I tried to call Cassie, and after being told her phone was busy or dissconnected I figured I wasn't going to reach her, and her cell phone is more expensive to call and she didn't answer that either. So I wished I had a couple more beers laying about or that it wasn't sunday. I went to get some ice tea and write in my journal in the hopes that life changing insights would flow from my pen, but all I wrote about was relationships, nostalgia, and how I should draw, basically I wrote about the things that haven't changed, or changed despite my trying or hoping otherwise. I listened in on the normal political conversations that take place, thinking I should try to learn something about current events but my mind was elsewhere. It is futile to avoid lecherous old guy since he is there pretty much at all times, and is usually with other people that I enjoy talking to. Politics just don't hold my interest. I prefer to talk about life, which includes politics, especially if you are actually doing something tangible towards what you believe, but don't normally feel connected to someone after learning their political views. My circle of true friends keeps getting smaller. Is there a word for someone between a friend and acquaintance?

for real, its hot as balls

Yet I'm comfortable cool in my air conditioned office at work on sunday until 7:30, and I missed my time with the Lord and fellowship with believers (church) so I'm slightly irritated. Why I am at the office beyond the usually acceptable 8 hours is b/c nothing makes sense around here and we are familiarizing ourselves with 2 new computer systems. I've been working like a fiend lately anyways so it doesn't matter, tomorrow is my last day of work before I'm on vacation so I can suck it up, I only wish I had enough $$ to buy some new clothes for the trip.

Soon I will be off to the sweltering outdoors, gotta love MN, there is a few days of great weather in between the freezing ass cold days and 100% humidity in the 90's days, like ten or so. Of course its not that bad, but good grief, holy heat wave. Anyone remember the game lemonade stand or something like that that was played in elementary school on those old apple computers, that and Oregon trail, which by the way, Jenny P and I kicked serious ass in, we were first to arrive in our westward home every time....I used to be so smart. I was quite handy the other night however, I dismantled a pipe and retrieved my ring that I dropped down the drain, I guess technically the pipe dismantling only required some unscrewing and screwing which really isn't that impressive after all.

For some reason even if I'm bone tired, which I generally have been, I feel the need to stay awake until 1 or 2 in the morning. It must be all that vitamin D cause after I get over my morning grogginess I'm pretty much raring to go, very odd this energy...time to go and get some laundry, perhaps packing done.

ding dong

the witch (of the office) is gone, off for a couple days, then I'm on my vacation so I won't be seeing her for a couple weeks. Actually, she and I get along fine, I think because I worked here before she became our "manager" so she doesn't get on as much of a power trip with me as the others that started post her promotion. She just micro-manages yet does not know how to do any of the work that we actually do daily to make things run, so she has no concept, everyone else around here hates her (but is generally nice to her face). Her jangly bracelet drives me nuts.

Feeling worn out, trying to get things done that must be finished before I leave, trying to make as much $$ as possible. Must say have so much more energy in warm weather months obviously from regular sun exposure...require much less sleep to function. Ebay addiction....was not on it for several weeks now cannot stop browsing, in need of new clothing is why, so much fun to see what can be obtained for such bargain prices.

Trying to avoid lecherous old (40ish) guy at local shop who felt the need to express his attraction towards me....apparently thinking that I may possibly be attracted to someone who is short, balding and in need of exercise, and not having the most attractive personality either. I suppose because I'm nice and will chat (too nice perhaps). Once again I attract the weird ones, I continue to feel grossed out although occurance was a few days ago. Unfortunately there is a guy there that I would actually like to know better, such a delimma it is.

sassy

feeling quite sassy today, my sarcasm is top notch if I do say so myself. I just overheard that I am quickly becoming favorite person in office by fellow employee. Of course.

Had a dream last night that I was very pregnant, yet still drinking and smoking, and father of baby was he who broke my heart....who took it rather well in the dream, was kind and caring, so knew then that it must be a dream. However chances of having ugly baby with said man would be slim, to look on the bright side.

Mac and cheese made with rice pasta is not to my liking, been eating far too much Mac and cheese as I have been too lazy to go to the grocery store, watching Felicity is far more important than buying and eating food that contains important nutrients.

Hoping that a certain someone (name starting with a J and ending with an I, or R, or even H, depending on how you look at it) will join me for happy hour post work, my treat, since I'm LEAVING FOR CALIFORNIA, in less than one week if I hadn't yet mentioned and will be on vacation for THIRTEEN DAYS. Other than summer break before old enough to have a job, this will be the longest vacation of my life thus far. I love that we still get paid for not working, possibly the best part of having a "real job".

Was doing some work at the local shop last night, feeling inadequate b/c of attractive, smart, funny, creative woman with nicely toned midriff shown off by short shirt who actually talks and makes intelligible sentences. Feeling a little strange about going there lately, kind of preferred my days of being unknown and able to self reflect without interruption or awkwardness, yet cannot stop myself from going, has become quite the habit, along with mild attraction towards regular....who happened to frolic off with young lady with nicely toned midriff to watch a movie. Will not let it get me down, especially since I'm GOING TO CALIFORNIA and will have such a grand time that any troubles will be burned from my brain by the sun that I plan on basking in for hours on end.

music at the park

don't know if this is going to show up...
Originally uploaded by snielson.

so much to say....

or not so much to say....

Went to the park last night with Petra and her russian roomate for the free concert and movie series on monday nights, although we didn't stay for the movie so much since the band was late and Petra had studying to do. We saw the guy that used to work at the art supply store that we all thought was cute, he was sitting right behind us, Petra asked him to autograph her postcard that she had just received from said art store, it was funny, but he declined. That russian, she sure can dance, me, not so much unless intoxication or very silly mood is involved. Dance is so key to other cultures, and not just the club dancing we do in the states, their own music and dance. I think about dancing in heaven and some of the wild dancing there is out there, its funny to think of, except I doubt there will be much bumping and grinding, maybe between husbands and wives.

Have I mentioned yet how excited I am to go to CA, how desperate I am for a vacation and laying about in the sun getting my vit. D, and seeing Fuj, and seeing my sister and coming home and knowing Cassie will be back, or back very soon. Well, I'm very excited, and then my other sis comes in mid-august for a visit, good things ahead.

what if I have an ugly baby?

Went to O-town to get a look at Kris and Heather's baby, a cute one. Not that I feel I'm for sure going to have a baby, but what if I have an ugly baby...oh well, I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

One week from tomorrow I will be in CA, quite a lengthy vacation.

Snickers Ice cream bar is calling my name...

assured

Went to Rachael's funeral yesterday, woke up this morning with the hymn "Blessed Assurance" running through my mind, one of her favorites.

It got me thinking about this "blessed assurance", a beautiful thing no doubt. Why would I deserve to have blessed assurance, when I don't know that I live differently from those who choose for whatever reason to not have that assurance, at least in the way that many christians believe, as in I am the way, the truth, the life no one gets to the father but through me situation. Just because I say I believe? when other's claim to not and yet act with such kindness and inclusion, do they have the blessed assurance?, and why not since their actions are more in line with what Jesus was talking about than mine. Honestly I've never bought that anyways, whatever the Bible says, I figure there is some interpretation to justify my view. What a jumbled up huge mess religion is...However, I suppose that is also the beautiful thing about it all, the mercy, the washing of the blood, doesn't make much sense at all, doesn't have to is what I like to think, since then I don't have to think about it as much, I'm hoping that if you break it down to Jesus loves me this I know, and turn it around as best you can, remaining as close to our creator as you can... Rachael will be pleased that she got me thinking anyways.

Sadness the past few days over the death of a friend, Rachael, who was killed in a car accident on Sat. So, many of us are feeling the loss of her presence, very smart, witty, beautiful, had recently gotten married to our friend Alex. Trying to make sense of it, thankful we have our faith, and for Rachael's faith, feeling for those closest to her, not sure of how to respond, feeling guilty for continuing to live and laugh, even though you know its necessary and how she'd want it. Evaluating friendships and people coming together, still very sad and she will be missed.

spiritual warfare

I almost had to spend the night at church last night, I was getting some work done (I do menial tasks for Jenny P. the early childhood pastor there), and the janitor or maintenance guy whatever he's called locked the office, which had my keys, purse, cell phone, any access to a phone number of anyone who might be able to help me, I didn't know anyones last name to look them up in the phone book, and about had a panic attack feeling trapped at church. I don't believe I sent up a prayer, just was internally freaking out while searching for any number I could find, or any name of someone that might be able to help me and hope they had a listed number, but thankfully someone showed up who had a key, and he was like, you're lucky, I don't usually stop by here like this, so I thanked God several times for providing. Churches can be really creepy at night.

So I switched cell phone service, and I can't say I have been impressed thus far with this provider who supposedly has the "best coverage" and "great customer service", since my phone is cutting out when I'm at home, nor was I impressed by the customer service, I hardly received any direction about activating my new phone, which I've had for over a week, I sent emails which were not answered, and called customer service, who also were pretty vague about what I was supposed to do....Well, whatever, I guess I'm stuck now unless I want to pay the early disconnection charge, which I don't.

And I hate money, or lack of money, I must be a hermit and spend no money until next week, or sell my plasma, and I better start riding my bike to work since gas is ridiculously expensive.

mystery solved

Osgood-Schlatters, that is what caused the bony lump on my knee, which apparently is caused during adolescence when the thigh muscle is used and pulls the tendon from the bone, sounds pleasant huh? In any case a permanant, but painless lump may form (which I have), well, it can cause pain when an adult kneels (which it does). I had known that already cause my sister, the brilliant and charming MD of the family had told me at one point, but I spent the morning reading up on my condition instead of diligently working on admitting charts, which we are desperately behind on. I was dissapointed to learn that this affliction is normally is related to a child being athletic, so I happen to be the random case of it occuring in a sedentary and chubby child, oh wait, I was forced to be in 4-h softball, and tae kwon do for a time. So there you go Jenni, you were close...

Watched "adaptation" last night w/Jenni, can relate more than would like with Charlie, excepting the genius artist reputation...all in due time however, once I get my ass in gear....pesky fear and inability to interact effectively with others without aid of alchohol keeps getting in the way, I just need to learn to channel my insecurity into beautifully tragic pieces of art.

stir crazy

I'm feeling so antsy lately, clearly I'm bored with my job, but I'm sticking it out until I am ready to move in order to save up some money, haha, as if its possible for me to save money, since I'm a moron to the tenth degree when it comes to money...

But anyways...

The woman who sits at the desk next to me...the "Lead NSC", who doesn't actually know how to do any of the work the rest of us do nor does she understand the work flow...well, she has a charm bracelet or something on her that jangles all the time, and I find it very irritating, that and her sighing all the time.

desolate

I felt lonely this holiday weekend, well, Olivia was around, but she was working, and then left on her road trip sunday afternoon, everyone else I'm close to was gone, out of town, state or country. My neighborhood felt empty, people had left the city for cabins and lakes. I am often alone, and can generally amuse myself easily, yesterday I missed people. Maybe it was the remembrances of years past at this time with the girls, last year camping on Madeline Island. The year before they rallied to help me with my broken heart. And I miss our ability to see eachother as easily, too many life changes, with more to come....I guess that is the way of it.

However, I was social, I went to coworker/friend's home which consisted of a few other coworker/friends, and grilling, and me drinking beer, the only one drinking, being acutely aware that I was the only one drinking. I did not become too much of a spectacle though, and I quit while I was ahead.

I also went jogging, after months of inactivity, and I was pleasantly surprised by my level of endurance, I maintained a snail, but steady pace. I think that was my fear, that I'd get out there and jog a quarter of a mile and be gasping, but it was good, except for my sore legs the past couple days.

tasty morsel

I stopped at the bakery this morning, where they have extremely tasty pastries. One with chocolate and fresh raspberries, so yummy.

I'm thankful for the three day weekend, am going to coworkers for BBQ on monday, that is the extent of my plans. Wish I could be chillin' with the girls, but they will be out of town, seeing as how I may drink too much with coworkers and become potential sourse of ongoing office amusement.