now what?

I don't know. I'm tired and I'm feeling "under the weather". The day I can actually call in sick for legitimate sickness and I was supposed to train someone in. Then I get here and it turns out the guy isn't starting today, or any other day for some weird reason, so I came in for nothing. Actually I don't feel that bad, its just a little cold, it'd be nice though to lay in bed.

Been feeling a lack of inspiration lately, well, lots to think about but not a lot coming out in this here blog. I got to reading an old journal lately, apparently my way of amusing myself while I don't have a TV. I might post some of my mind blowing, life changing ideas about self and the world around me soon for my fans to read. Meanwhile I continue to ramble on about nothing much. I could write about my sisters, ok, I will write about my sisters then. I read an old journal entry regarding my lack of closeness to my sisters these days. First of all my oldest sister, Romaine, is 12 years older than me, my other sister, Noelle, is a year younger than her, so my clear memories of childhood with them start with them leaving for college. The highlight of my youth is when they would come home and spend time with me, and they genuinely seemed to enjoy spending time with me. As a youngster I had a few strikes against me when it came to making friends with my peers. First my innate shyness, second that I lived in the country so pretty much had no social life before school other than trying to tag along with my brother and they just thought I was annoying, third that I was probably actually annoying and weird, fourth that I was hopelessly not stylish not to mention unkempt. My mom was depressed, my parents were divorcing, so I think my mom felt as long as I had clothes on to that was good enough and she didn't want to fight me about stuff like brushing my hair , which I would be a brat about, or anything else hygiene related. So anyways, my sisters would hang out with me, take me to do fun things. We'd make cookies, go to the park, go sledding, get ice cream, go to movies. I think about that now and I'm kind of surprised that they made that much effort with me, and that effort makes them significant people in my life. I see now that they were in school or working or traveling, had their lives and studies, yet still made time for me.

Then they both moved away to different states around the time I was starting high school, and since then I only see them once maybe twice a year, and rarely talk to them outside of holidays and birthdays and other significant events. I no longer feel as comfortable to be myself around them, I feel it when I talk to them, the surface conversation. It makes me sad but I know it is much my fault, and just life in general, and they have their families and busy-ness. In any case I love and appreciate them.

Well, that was not as inspired as I had hoped, but oh well.

Hey, I think I have 5 out of the 6 parties that I need to start my partylite!