Thursday, June 15, 2006

a face only Jesus could love

I'm kinda in an 'I hate people' mode. Not the people that I consistently like, I still like them fine enough, but other than infrequent socializing with close friends, I'd be fine with a period of isolation. Yeah, I'm a bit more irritable lately, a bit more blatantly rude, a bit more judgemental towards either people who consistently annoy me, or strangers who just have something about them that rubs me the wrong way. I believe that I inherited this side of me (normally a most kind and amiable individual) from my mother and my eldest sister, Romaine, for whom bouts of actively disliking basically everything about life come on a fairly regular basis. So anyways, I was reminded of an ex-friend yesterday, someone who a couple years back caused me a great deal of pain and to this day remains the only person that I would hope that I never interact with again. Even though said person really isn't a "bad" person, the harm caused was, as far as I know, not intentional, and the person was sorry, but I still harbor dislike for this person. Then I was thinking about how "they" say that harboring hatred poisons your soul...but I don't hate this person, I just don't care if this person is in my life at all, but what if I'm deluding myself and I am really poisoning my soul, and I will never realize my dreams...never experience true love...become hopeless and forlorn....oh well I guess. I figured that Jesus can love all the people I don't.

Boy, am I slap happy today, which of course results in ridiculous and inappropriate behavior at work, good lord I am so funny.

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