life as we know it

Cassie and I are into the third season of "Six Feet Under", Claire is in art school, so there are some ideas thrown around in the show regarding well, art. Cassie and I enjoy this since we are of course both highly talented artists, well, she's talented, and I like to think that I am too. Anyways, in one episode, Claire is in class and her prof. is babbling about something along the lines of how most artists latch on to a previous or famous artist's ideas or technique and it's because they are embarrassed to show what is really inside them, essentially embarrassed of themselves. That was the jist I got from it anyways. It's a pretty common theme amongst artists, the whole having your own ideas, being original, finding your voice or whatever. I haven't made a painting in at least 2 years. I know that I'm definitely embarrassed by myself and my ideas as I'm sure has been gathered by anyone who reads this blog. I try to think of a theme, and my mind is blank, it all seems so derived. Or, as in the espisode we watched last night...everything has been done already, so it's just putting your own spin on a redundant idea? and what if that feels forced? what if I'm really good at and really like painting children and puppies, but in order to be a real artist I have to be saying something with my work, a child and puppy has to offer some commentary, something thought provoking rather than just a pretty thing to hang on the wall, though plenty of "artists" are in it only to make pretty things (uh, like Kinkade perhaps?) Where I'm going with this, I really have no idea, but I've been thinking about my embarrassment, and if/how I might share it, how that might affect things, I mean personally and all. Just thinking is all.

I'm feeling restless, and tired of my excuses.