work ethic

I wish I had inhereted my father's work ethic. I'm basically a lazy s.o.b. I grew up on a farm in southern MN, my dad mostly raised beef cattle, for a time chickens, collected a couple, three horses and burros, lately he's been chucking the cattle for sheep. In any case, before he retired he worked full time (or more) as a surveyor and also ran the farm. My parents split when I was around 8, and we stayed with my dad so he also was the main caregiver to me and my brother (my sisters, more than a decade older than me, had moved out already). My brother helped out with chores, but I think he gave up on me being a major help pretty early on. Our house was a disaster until he got remarried, I didn't do much to help clean, and I was assigned simple farm tasks like picking eggs or giving the horses hay. I wasn't too keen on the whole farm scene really, I enjoyed the horses for a couple weeks before I got thrown. I liked the animals when I was smaller, but as I grew I realized I should not pursue that vet career cause I really don't like animals that much. I was in (forced) 4-H, but grew to dislike it, and would lie to my dad about the amount of preparation I did for the county fair. Since I'm fairly smart I made it through school, but if I would have put forth effort I could have done much better, probably would have graduated with honor's, instead of a low B average, gotten scholarships, whatever. I think since I was the youngest I just got away with bare minimum, my sisters would complain about having to do so much more when they were my age. Meanwhile my dad is working something like 14 hour days, not sitting at a desk either, physical labor. He, like many of his generation I'm sure, is the product of farming though, farming without all the technology there is now, farming through the depression. There is hardiness there, getting up at five, working 'til after dusk, working out in the subzero and the humid heat, injuries and fixing broken equipment, finding escaped animals, etc. etc. I lazed about watching TV, playing video games and barbie, playing all day with friends. I'm still lazy and messy, and I still shun work for playing with friends. I'm jealous of people with work ethic, who set goals and get stuff done.

I feel disoriented today, maybe cuz I was forced to sit at the front desk instead of my hole, and I haven't been able to print. I've been an ebay junkie lately. I'm thinking about going to see a band tonight of people that I went to high school and church with, but then I run the risk of seeing people from high school that I either don't care to run into, or will be forced to make awkward small talk with people that I was never really friends with, but since we used to be in youth group together we have to act like we have some connection, or maybe we had a connection that has since been lost. My ex roomate might be there that I still have ill feelings toward so that is another deterrant, I guess I'll see what I feel like, I may just stop by briefly.

Oh, and my memories post was probably inspired by Stephanie Klein's blog, greek tragedy, her's is one of my favorites and I like her writing style so I think I might kind of try to imitate it sometimes, even if its subconcious. Just to give credit where due.