stop being mean

I feel bad about my comments about my coworker yesterday. I like her a-plenty even though she irritates me sometimes, and if I blog about it I simultaneously think of her good qualities, making her less irritating to me, and she is really a nice and fun person who I enjoy working with. I had this fear though that she read my blog and then hated me, but noone at work knows I have a blog, if they found it then oh well. I try to be honest about how I feel on this thing even if it may be ugly or depressing or mean, cause I think it and if y'all don't know, I know and God knows and God is the one that can eternally damn me, not anyone else. Sometimes I think about starting an entirely anonymous blog so I can really let it all out, but my journal serves that purpose, although outside comments might be interesting.

I saw my analyst last night, I was a little nervous about this Dad letter thing, but she didn't even ask me about it so I didn't bring it up. I thought she might have me read it aloud which would have probably almost killed me. Instead we talked about making steps towards finding some sort of career I like, so I'm thinking about taking some community college classes on career development. She made the point of that there are so many options out there that it's hard to move until you can narrow it down some and feel somewhat confident that you know what you want and are getting into. Which is true, I partly hold myself back cause I know to do something, I probably need to go back to school to gain some more practical skills, but I have already spent so much money on school that I fear wasting more money on something that I don't like or doesn't pan out. I don't know if this analyst is the right one for me, I feel like I'm gaining some helpful tools, but I'm not getting at the root of things, and I don't know if its just me not sharing enough or putting enough out there or if she just isn't a person I feel comfortable with and maybe I would feel better with someone else. Who knows, this is my first shot at therapy, probably not my last.