Sarah had her babe, a boy, healthy and cute.
I'm realizing that I'm getting old, well, I'll be turning 26 in a couple months, but things just aren't as carefree anymore, my friends are getting married and having babies, they can't just be spontaneous anymore, they have other priorities over hitting happy hour, dancing, seeing a show. I have friends from high school that just stayed in my hometown and got married and had kids, but we were already growing apart by that time, and we still keep in touch, but my friends I have now I hope to be close to for years to come. So it hits a little closer to home as the years go by and milestones happen, its time to really grow up, whether its chosen or just how things go. I don't want to grow up yet, I guess I still have time, but I don't like the pressure.
I got some new cd's, Angie Stone, N.E.R.D., garden state soundtrack, Archer Prewitt, and Raphael Saadiq (I had lost that one so I had to buy another). I'm excited to have some new stuff to listen to. Culture is very attractive, having it, a lot of caucasion folk don't have a lot of culture, unless your roots are mostly Irish, scandanavian, english, etc, and you keep up with some of those traditions or food or whatever. Not that I feel unfortunate to be american and white and without much real struggle, but there is something appealing to being apart of something more, I don't know, connected maybe, having common experience like there seems to be in other cultures, that brings people together. Maybe my niche is not really belonging, I've never much "belonged" throughout my life.
I read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You", at Barnes while I was waiting for my car to be fixed. According to the book, I had to face the reality that nobody that I wanted to be "into me" has been, even a little bit. The guys that have been "into me" ( not a whole lot, but a couple here and there), I have not found attractive. I guess its pretty obvious, if there was mutual "into-ness" I'd probably be married or in love or something. Oh well. I'm supposed to "not waste the pretty"
my mind is all over the map today, I need a snack, my lunch just didn't cut it. When's it gonna get warm?
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
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9 comments:
Gawd, I so feel you.
Everyone I know has moved so much more forward then I have. I'm soon to be 25 and all I think about is how far behind I feel. Alot of my friends are off doing thier own thing, and I'm still here trying to do the same thing. Everyone thought I would be the first to marry/have kids. Looks like I'll be the last.
I refuse to read that book. I already know that he's not that "into me". Just read earlier posts, blech.
I just want people to be in the same place as me, or I just need to make new friends in the same place as me.
okay, since I value your opionion, and try and keep up with your life (through your blog)I consider you my friend.
So where in your life are you exactly? I have a feeling where in about the same place.
YAY! for new friends!
Oh, wait maybe I should ask if you'd like to be my friend? :)
oh, absolutely I'll be your friend, I though you'd never ask.
Lets see, I'm at a point where I have too many options of what to do with my life, yet have no clue as to what I really want to do. I feel like I'm wasting my youth, but I don't necessarily want to be out every night all night, but still want to have some fun past ten p.m. from time to time on a weeknight. I want to be spontaneous while I still can, but feel like I don't have the motivation that I used to or others that are willing to be spontaneous with me as much anymore, since they are heading in other directions. I want to travel if I ever have money. I don't have strong desire to get married or have children at this point, maybe later, but I'm nowhere near that, unless someone really special comes along, and I'm not holding my breath.
That's where I'm at.
and I don't think I'm mentally healthy enough to get married or be serious with someone anyways, but I'm working on it.
I'm at a point where I feel stuck. Part of me wants to find love/get serious and the other part of me wants to be the single fun girl.
But I have more problems being the fun/single girl then I do being the other one. I also want friends who understand what that feels like. I want to have friends that understand that sometimes I wanna go out and have a blast, and sometimes having a blast (to me) means staying in, watching movies and drinking wine. Or beer. :)
I don't know, sometimes I just feel hopeless.
I feel not hopeless, but afraid that I'll settle for status quo. I'm not a huge risk taker and I want to be more advenurous, especially if I'm single I may as well. I do like staying in too though, I just feel like I've done that too much lately, maybe its winter, I don't know. I don't need to be crazy all the time just a little more excitement would do me good I think. I find myself craving being nostalgic lately for more fancy free times, when I should be feeling fortunate that I'm not tied down at present.
I feel stuck too, and its frustrating, I'm hoping the frustration will turn into me kicking myself in the ass.
I think my problem is I have trouble with change. Inevitable, I know. But a problem all the same.
I feel like I've stayed home too much lately too. But at the same time, I feel like the fact that I'm getting older has alot to do with that. I was never a real "party" type girl. Even if it wasn't done in excess.
I think I'm just a homebody. But I hope that I can kick myself in the ass too and try and get out there.
I've never been a huge partyer either, but I miss those nights that you are out, and you stay later than you planned and have a great conversation, or meet someone and have an experience or crazy story to tell. I've had a lack of those nights lately.
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