if you can't say anything nice....

I was fixing myself some breakfast this morning consisting of a wheat tortilla with peanut butter and grape-nuts, normally I would add a banana but I didn't have one. The hated and annoying nurse of course commented on my meal, as she often does. I find this rather rude, and I often get comments about what I eat because it's "weird". I'm not even eating something like raw squid, I'm eating an avocado or something, or gasp, a fake meat product. I don't comment on how she looks like a man, mainly because it is none of my business, as is what I choose to eat none of hers.

I guess I'm tired, not that I was very productive yesterday considering I watched close to four hours of Gilmore Girls and fell asleep for at least one of those hours, but then I woke up and couldn't sleep. I'm much like a 2 year old when I'm tired, not to mention my nearest neighbor plays the cheesy country station all day, every day. To explain why I might find such offense to someone's insult of my fare, plus the feeling of dread.

Despite my book learnin' I have no thoughts

hidden talent

Nothing like a good bloody mary buzz in the morning to make one not as productive as one had hoped. Nothing like a nap, confirmation of good health (minus that smoking habit), and short stint at the local shop enjoying an ice coffee and some blogging to get one raring to go for the evening. Betsy and I gotta bounce yo.....we have to pack up our shit, move into a one and 1/2 room apartment for a month, and then move again into our permanent home. I'm going to miss our little place, but am looking forward to having more spaciousness, and a bathroom that is separate from my bedroom. We may even get a piano, with which I will hopefully progress beyond my mediocre piano playing skills.

Such a nice visit with Sally and MS flava, my only complaint being that is was far too short. I did freakishly well at playing croquet, which was likely a fluke thing for one evening only. I came thisclose to beating Sally, which would've been something to write home about. If only she hadn't played dirty and cursed at me, my little sensitive self couldn't get back on my mental game. Maybe therapy would help. I also hope to learn to wear sunscreen.

hot as balls 2006

Ahhh, the first hot, humid weather of the summer, along with my first sunburn of the season.

Looking forward to seeing Sally and MS flava tonight.

Work just got insanely busy.

I'm reading a book, hopefully it will inspire some thinking.

change of plan, or how I ended up living in a college house

I guess women have a reputation for being indecisive (not that I like to ascribe to gender generalizations). So we were all ready to drop off our deposit checks, sign our lease, etc. when Betsy calls me at work and brought up the option of staying at our place for another month, because she wanted to find something with more space. In fact, she had already called a place that was available for July. I agreed to take a look at it, and if it didn't strike our fancy, to stick with what we had, but I looked at it and it's a lovely, spacious apartment (albeit with 5 br's) so I signed a lease right then and there. Well, my concern is I'll be living with Betsy, and her 3 college buddies and recent Carleton grads. This is A. a lot of people, B. folks whose average age is 5 years younger than myself, and C. Carleton grads, whom, since living with Betsy, I've discovered are a special breed of person. But I figure hell, it'll make me feel young again, and I'll save money, and I might be going back to school with a bunch of 18-22 yr olds soon anyways so might as well live with them. Frankly this apartment search has been somewhat frustrating for me as in I love Betsy, but she can't afford that much for rent, which obviously limits our options. So, we'll see how it goes I guess.

I really need to brush up on my elementary math skills, I've near forgotten anything to do with fractions, and my algebra needs some serious work too. That test was much harder than I had anticipated, which I hate because I'm pretty smart, and I'm not inept at math, so even though I know it was just because it's been years since I've multiplied and divided fractions, it was a smart to the ego. But anywho, I just have to convince my mother to have faith in me and co-sign a loan for me and I'll be on the path to being a master pastry chef. I figure she'll either lecture me about how I'm irresponsible with money and say no, or she'll lecture me, I'll whine, and she'll say yes. Either way I'm anticipating a lecture.

I realize all I've been writing about lately is our adventures in apartment hunting, or my quest to go back to school, how lame.

after much agonizing

Betsy and I went back and forth, back and forth over which apartment to take. It was causing me so much anxiety that I felt sick to my tummy. In the end we decided to go with the smaller place, there was just too much uncertainty about who may or may not be our additional roommates to take the bigger place. I'm a little bummed about the loss of a really neat space, but as always the almighty dollar has spit in my face, mocking me. Ah well, our new pimpin' pad has better porch chillin' options, a greener street, we are closer to our preferred hangouts (and I will have a small balcony off my room where I can smoke, even though I just got seriously chastised by my MD today). So even though it is "cozy" I think it will work. I'm just happy a decision was made.

Tomorrow I have my financial aid appt. after which I will officially know if I'm going to school this summer. hooray. And since I got a "d" in my math class in college, I have to take the math placement test. I'm not even that bad at math, I just didn't care at the time.

Olivia left last night...I shed a few tears even though I'm glad she has this opportunity. However, this weekend brings a Sally (and MS flava?) fix for which I'm very excited. The RD's been missing us.

party on, and on, and on

I am partied out, I've had my fill of fun-having. It was well worth it though to see off our dear friend Olivia who leaves tomorrow for Scotland, and to sorta see Eli off. There will be no drawings of penis mustaches, only laziness and much needed introversion time.

I've been stressed all weekend about making a decision on a place, we've been torn between 2 places. Both are nice digs, and I have to make a decision in like a couple hours. One is a four BR that Betsy wants to fill with her college friends, so I would feel like I'm a 27 year old living in a college house, but it's a neat apartment with quite a bit of space, the other is the cozy place which is in a better locale. I don't know what to do.

apartment search anonymous

I told Betsy after this weekend...I'm cut off. No more scouring craigslist, the newspaper and citypages for better, more affordable apartments. This will be difficult for me though, especially since it is such a nice distraction from work, such a thrill to see a fresh ad thinking "oooh, that sounds nice". Technically we have a place, it's four blocks down on our same street, one that we really liked when we first saw it (before we saw the apartment that can no longer be mentioned or thought of). It's "cozy" on a small side, but cute, and still in our 'hood. So unless we like the place that we're looking at tonight that's our new home.

My company recently took over a building a few blocks down from my office and made the lower level into a "global market" that just opened in the past week. It is so fantastic, Holly and I strolled over there today and got some mediterranian fare, but they had many yummy options. It was much like the food building at the state fair, only it's open year round.

our dream will remain only a dream

FINALLY, we got official word that we in fact, will not be living in our dream apartment. Which is very sad, but I figured as much, what really irritates me is A. we were thisclose to getting it, and B. the dude took forever and C. it was a totally rad apartment that we could actually afford. Ah well, we have a plan B., a plan C. and looking at other potentials. So I guess we'll just cut our losses and move on.

Our dear Olivia is leaving again next week, that lucky SOB landed a gig in Scotland for a few months, or indefinitely. Her return seemed so short lived, I suppose because it was short lived, but I'm still happy for her.

I heart cynicism

STILL no word on our dream apartment, we will probably end up in a shithole because we sat around and waited on the off chance that we'd get this place. I have no idea if we are still in the running or not, we left a message yesterday so I assume the dude would've called by now. My co-workers keep encouraging me to call, but I feel if I do that he'll get a restraining order on us, then we definitely won't have the apartment.

I kinda feel like a judgemental jerk, but I won't get into it so that noone thinks poorly of me. Basically I'm cynical.

UPDATE: Just had my co-worker call the dude to see if the apartment is still available, I know it's juvenile. He said he was offering it to a "lady" tomorrrow, so I'm thinking it's the other person....major dissapointment, unless she's found something else.

the single girl: a reflection

First of all, Survivor has officially come to an end, a bit sad, but yay Sally for a job well done. Not only did she show physical prowess and gaming skillz, but she remained true to herself the entire show. Now onto my reflection....

I'm 27, and I am single, shocking, I know. The plight of spinsterhood is nothing new, though much has changed in the preceeding centuries. In fact choosing the road marked spinster almost holds a degree of respect in some circles these days. Yet, I still get that feeling...that feeling like I'm marked, or my life journey is stunted in some way (shouldn't have drank so much coffee as a youngster), until I meet my matrimonious fate. By not being apart of the almighty pair, by not merging with another and somehow melding to become one well, frankly, sometimes I feel a bit slighted, or a bit labelled. Let's delve into this a little further...
Firstly, feeling slighted: Remembering back to 6th grade, I was at my "best" friend's birthday party which consisted of sleepover, then the following day taking a trip to the big city to go to some fun restaurant and other activities, but that was reserved only for girls with boyfriends (we've already gone over how I was fat and frumpy, needless to say I did not have a boyfriend, and was therefore excluded). In true adolescent girl slumber party fashion, I was hurt, my friend felt bad for hurting me, and many tears were shed. Then you fast forward to High School. What High Schooler doesn't feel a little inadequate when they have no one who will shove a hand into the ass-pocket their jeans and vice-versa. Then of course there is the dreaded High School dance, the ultimate couple-fest. Fortunately I managed to secure dates for a couple of homecomings and my Junior Prom (I didn't want to go to prom my senior year anyways, for real). It carries into adulthood, the double dates, or feeling like a ____rd/th wheel, spouses automatically taking precedence, or married couples now gravitating toward their other married couples, inducing a shift that the single friends just have to adapt to. Anyways, you get the picture.
Secondly, the labeling: "So, do you have a boyfriend? No....how come?" I get this question from time to time, one of my all-time faves. What am I supposed to say to that? No, because I'm homely and fat and psychotic or dull or flighty. Or no, because I'm a lesbian, because that must certainly be the case. Maybe I'm taking it too personally, but I always feel like that question implies that there is probably something a little off about me, some unnattractive quality that prevents me from being acceptible girlfriend material. Not to mention that marriage is seen as this stepping stone in life, something to check off the list of accomplishments, so even women that have great social lives, careers, etc., there is still something missing from their lives. Then of course an un-coupled woman must be bitter and jealous (like I probably appear to be right now.

Anywho, of course there are advantages to being single that coupled women pine after, and if I get married (which I'm definitely not banking on), I'll probably lose all independence and become that which I criticize. Well, then ya'll can point back to this post and say I told you so.

you can't always get what you want

But it'd sure be nice in this case. Today is an eyeorish day (Imagine me saying "oh well, I shouldn't have expected to live in a kick-ass, yet cheap apartment anyways", in an eyeore voice). I still haven't had confirmation on the apartment, but I talked to the landlord and he's just waiting on the other person's landlord reference and if she wants it she gets it. So our only hope is that either she's truly a horrible tenant and the landlord will say as much, or she decides she doesn't want the place which is pretty unlikely because it is so kick-ass, that I wish I never even knew it existed if I can't live there. Would you rather have been born blind, or know what it was like to see and then lose your sight? Okay, I realize I'm being a titch overdramatic, but I just would like to not have to settle for good enough, I feel like I do that constantly.

Anywho...I could also rant about the age old plight of being a single woman, but I'll save that for next time. I'm tired from getting sucked into karoake last night at Carissa's suburban neighborhood bar where I made a fool of myself singing "Uptown Girl", although at least I didn't shake my ass with intermingled pelvic thrusting while singing "Baby Got Back" like Carissa did.

the importance of being earnest

Betsy and I are anxiously awaiting word on if we got our dream apartment or not. We are second to put in our applications, and are sending vibes out to the other woman that she absolutely does not want this apartment (although I have no idea why she wouldn't). I felt sick inside when the landlord (a very cool guy) said that someone else was really interested. It was as if we were going to ask our crush out, we were all nervous and giggly and couldn't form intelligible sentences, only to find out yeah, he thinks we're keen, but sorry he's already been asked to the prom and can't back out now. We are hoping that our earnestness, and basically our pathetic whoring of ourselves will get us what we wish for. I mean, we left and felt dejected, then Betsy called him to reiterate how much we wanted to live there (to which he said if the other person wants it, she gets it), then we sent him an email saying we'd pay additional rent. So we figure we've at least tried our best if we don't get, which I should sometime today. It's beautiful, spacious, cheap, great location, great landlord who wants to fix things....basically it's absolutely perfect. So right now I feel as though I've hooked up with my dream man at a party and I'm waiting to see if he calls, obsessing, replaying the details in my mind, fantasizing about our future together....

OK, I'll shut up now.

p.s. note that I've resorted to leaving myself comments, how sad

if making images is wrong, I don't want to be right

I actually feel that my dashboard Jesus is inspiring a revival in my heart, a resuscitation of my dead soul. See, you know how you talk to yourself in your head throughout the day, making to do lists, having imaginary blow-outs with friends or family, entertaining impure thoughts (with your spouse and/or future unknown spousal shadow figure of course- or in my case Jess from Gilmore Girls), so on and so forth. And you know how sometimes you are so much in your own head that you come to and find yourself gesturing wildly, or mouthing words while staring off into space, or even worse, actually speaking out loud, resulting in feelings of embarassment and self-conciousness. Well, now when I'm in my car, taking advantage of the solitude that driving time allows (in my case usually about the 7 min. it takes to get to work), instead of chatting with my brain I've got Jesus right there, looking all serene, friendly, comforting, plastic, bobbing away with excitement as I spill my secrets or hit a pothole. I thought the F-word this morning, then checked myself, apologizing to my Savior for my profanity. If only I had a radio in my sweet ride, JC and I could rock out some classic Zepplin (JC's power can so overcome some weak ass subliminal messaging attempt whilst still appreciating it's artistic integrity, no problem), or spit some rhymes, perhaps scan the dial for some neo-folk spiritual tunes (cuz I know that's his fave genre). I foresee a rekindling of a beautiful friendship.

Okay, as much as I adore Gilmore Girls, the last two episodes were poor, well, the whole 6th season hasn't been the best but that is to be expected I think when a show's been on for a few years. I like Christopher, I like Luke, Lorelai should probably end up with Luke, but I wouldn't mind if she and Chris hooked up, but not when she's hurt and vulnerable. I still look forward to next season, maybe my dream of Jess returning will come to fruition, probably not, ah well.

decisions, decisions

Betsy and I need to decide on a place by the end of the week, and find another roommate. We met a nifty gal last week, but she opted for free rent in exchange for housesitting. Our other option so far is a young lad who enjoys gaming and playing D&D, who we thought might be really geeky based on our pre-conceived notions. He wasn't overly geeky, but he does want his girlfriend to live with him for the summer which we decided would be too much.

I dislike decision making, and lately many are having to be made. I can sit around and weigh my options til the cows come home, and often by that time the decision is made for me, the opportunity is lost, then I bitch about how my life is stagnant. So anyways, I'm being a little dramatic, but fact of the matter is I don't take risks, which is lame I know, but thus far I've been lame as always. Perhaps I shall see an analyst about that.

personal Jesus, nausea, androgeny, and giant puppets

Such festivities this weekend. My birthday was lovely, Cassie, Jenni and Olivia made a fabulous meal, and Sarah came with Coby, so it was some nice girl time (with the exception of Coby, but he's a baby). After a mere 2 drinks I was feeling slightly nauseated as well as tired, so I can't say I was as busty with my celebrating as I'd normally be. Olivia gave me a dashboard Jesus to help me get on track spiritually.

For Cinco de Mayo us girls and Coby (minus Jenni) went to a gallery opening, saw our old pal Papo. Then we headed off to a Cinco de Mustache party where we strutted our androgenous stuff and sported our 'staches. I was the villian, Cassie was the Con Man, and Olivia was ummm....I don't remember, the entertainer or something.
















Basically, the party was lame until our arrival. There was nary a female with a moustache until we got there, and then all the ladies were green with envy and just had to have one.











And speaking of being nauseated, as I was sitting talking to Fujipants, one of the dudes playing poker vomited all over the table, it was gross. Once you are past a certain age you don't expect to see drunken vomiting at a party, at least outside of the bathroom.


Yesterday I joined my bro for the MayDay festival at one of Minneapolis's lovely city parks. Not only did I see a kick ass parade with giant puppets, great music and costumes, and important political statements, but I also saw at least 2 very attractive men.



And to round out the weekend I attended church, and three short films that were part of the "best of fest" for the film festival. So although I was fairly certain I had Mono, or am just too old now to do anything other than sit, I managed to pack my birthday weekend full of festivity, it helps me to feel young again.

they say it's your birthday, and that the 30's are the new 20's

I'll continue my whine about how I'm 27, and how I'm old, but they say the 30's are the new 20's so I'll place my hope in that. Currently I'm hanging at the local shop, after going to the gym and being pleased with my increased strength, and getting a call from my Dad who apologized for wishing me Happy Birthday a day late. He did that last year too, so he apparently does not remember that my birthday is in fact on the 4th, but that's ok, I'm pretty sure he's getting the days mixed up with my brother's b-day, which is on the 3rd (of October), I'm not offended, nor do I have the heart to correct him. Later I will dine at Jenni's with my galpals while watching Survivor and we will paint the city red, which city I do not know yet, but one of the Twins.

observations of annoyingness

I feel that our apartment search may be coming to an end, we saw an attractive little place yesterday just four blocks away from our current home. It had a tiny balcony off one bedroom that you could get to by crawling out the window, it was so cute (that's going to be my bedroom, easy smoking access). We are looking at a couple places tonight and tomorrow and if they suck, we are snatching the cute place. Our landlord tried to get us to sign another lease with him, because he may be going to Argentina for a few months and trusts us more than the hipster/laundry fiend girls. To that I say HA HA, if we're talking trust, he hasn't been the most trustworthy of landlords, plus we are aching for a normal kitchen and a bathroom that is separate from any bedrooms. I do feel sorry that he has to lose such awesome tenants as us, one's that do normal amounts of laundry.

For volunteering at closing night of the film festival, I got a pack of tickets for best of fest and think I shall indulge in a film tonight. I'm not sure if I've ever met more annoying people than I have while working at this event, especially the other night. First of all, I was assigned the task of taping reserved signs on a section of seats. I was told to wait for instruction as far as which seats to section off, but while I was waiting, this woman who WAS NOT WORKING FOR THE FEST, JUST WAITING TO GET INTO THE MOVIE, was trying to tell me what to do and was nice, but very pushy about it. God she annoyed the hell out of me, I think she thought she was hot stuff because she knew the director and was on his "list". Then, at the after party (which was so much more lame than I thought it would be) another volunteer was chatting with me, and it was if she had been reading a self help book on how to make small talk, the conversation was so formulaic, not to mention annoying and boring. As I've expressed many a time, I despise small talk, I'd rather be left alone looking pathetic than make small talk.

Remember, tomorrow is my birthday, feel free to email me for my address so I can receive my cornucopia of gifts.

is that normal?

Supposedly Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love lived in this house that we looked at yesterday. I scoffed when the lady said that, but she was being serious. Too bad a bunch of angsty punk kids trashed the house, we still may live there, but it needs lots of work/cleaning. I don't know if I could get over seeing it in the nasty state it was in, like I would picture the grime imbedded everywhere and be grossed out even if it was clean, much like my imaginary cat piss obsession.

Cassie stopped by to pick up the Six Feet Under disks she loaned me to return to the video store. You see, even though watching the show is supposed to be bonding time between her and I and Sarah, she forges ahead of me when I don't have time to watch it with her. However, she watched a couple episodes with me last night though and I was like, "Ruth gets way more action than me", to which Cassie responded that everyone on the show gets a lot of action, and maybe it isn't normal. In any case, whether or not it's normal, Ruth gets way more action than me, and that is kinda depressing.