I'm a loser, and I'm not what I appear to be

Oh ye of little faith, you would be correct in assuming that I have yet to finish my painting, and foresee not it's completion by tomorrow a.m. in time to get it framed and submitted. I'm lame, yes...but I've been so busy, and this week I've been especially busy. Seriously I've had something going on every night, and I do like to try to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night. So that's my excuse. I have always loved that Beatles song, I may not have lost a great love, but I do feel like a loser sometimes. Where's my St. John's Wort. I did however, look hot yesterday.

I'd work on it tonight, but Betsy is having her little birthday shindig tonight and I'm expected to join in the festivities, and I'm going to try to fashion a pirate cake. I'm blessed by Betsy, she and I relate well, we have a lot in common.

Sally rawked last night per usual!, way to go Sal

weighing my options, or how I can't make a decision

what does a pirate and a pimp have in common?....when they both say YO HO!

I was looking for dirty pirate jokes online and that's about the dirtiest I could find since other sites are blocked or this one...

so this pirate walks into a bar...and he's got a steering wheel
down his pants. the bartender says: hey, you've got a steering wheel down your pants. he says: arr, it's drivin' me nuts!

or these pirate pick up lines....

"Is there an 'X' on the seat of your pants? Because it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!"

"Me skull and crossbones arn't the only thing I plan on raisin' tonight."

"You're just the tasty wench I've been keeping me eye out for!"

Anyways, it's Betsy's birthday on Sat. and she wants to have a pirate themed get together. I'll take this opportunity to remind my vast readership that my birthday is May 4th, just a little over a month away! I want to give ample warning so ya'll can save up for the luxurious gifts you plan on bestowing on me. Email me for my address for all you out of towners.

So, I visited the arts institute int'l school yesterday to check out their baking and pastry program (apparently I'm pretty hooked on the idea of being a pastry chef). It is considerably cheaper, a shorter program (certificate vs. associates) starts the same time (July 10th), closer to where I live (unless I were to move to St. Paul), more flexible scheduling... However, the facilities aren't as nice, and the internship possiblities are far more limited than the other school, the other school I could potentially go abroad, which was quite a draw, but is it worth it to put myself in more debt?? Probably not. Not to mention my mother's agreement will truly be the deciding factor.

I guess I'm going to my grandpa's 90th birthday party this Sunday, which requires a 3 hour (awkward) trip in the car with my Pa and stepmother. I do finally get to meet my G-pa's young wifey (she's like 50 or something), but I had originally planned on relaxing on Sunday, guess that is no longer an option, but G-pa is getting old, it would be good to see him.

I'm not a genius really

I haven't read all of Salinger's Nine Stories.

I'm trying not to feel like a loser since I haven't finished my painting that I wanted to submit to that church art show. I wanted to finish it last night in order to get it framed by Sat. when it needs to be submitted, though I could get a ready made frame and try to cut my own mat (which I haven't done since college). But hell, at least I started it, even if I don't get it ready in time to submit it, and it got me thinking about ideas, maybe not genius ideas, but hopefully something that might resonate with another person.

It's so nice to feel understood.

you must wait for genius

I was going to write something mindblowing and insightful, but well, work was busy, and now I need to leave to try to burn off my fat, but maybe tomorrow, if you're lucky.

no rest for the weary

I feel tired, I mean between looking at naked women, working, cleaning, going to Jenny P.'s (now Jenny L.) wedding reception to drunkenly dance with a plastic octopus, working on acheiving some sort of goal, and of course church and the post church beer, I haven't had a lot of relaxation, yet I feel as though I accomplished very little of what I wanted to get done, which I then have to get done during the week and etc., etc. Some people seem to be able to do so much with their time, I don't get it. And adulthood stinks, I wish I could be fat and lazy like I was when I was a kid, well, I'm still sorta lazy, and a bit fatter than I'd like.

I had a good idea this weekend, but I can't share it because it is so good it will surely be stolen.

Maybe I should try St. John's Wort.

If I want to go to culinary school this summer, I have to ask my mother to co-sign a loan for me, and I'll certainly get my head bitten off because my mother thinks I'm irresponsible with money which I am. I can't even decide what the hell I want to do anyways.

Co-worker Angela is now saying "right on" at any opportune or innopportune moment, which is starting to irritate me.

My tummy hurts.

Apparently today is rant on my blog day. I'm probably just depressed about George and Lucy.

empty nest

Where there was once a smelly litter box, there is now only bare tile, and an empty space in my heart. No longer will I be return from work to be greeted by George's annoying meow, or Lucy's distant gaze. Watching television will be a little colder without the weight of George, earnestly purring. Occasional visits will be my sole opportunity to poke fun at George, calling him fattie, or dopey. Only remnants of cat hair remain to remind me of what once was, a home filled with the pitter patter of little paws.

However, there is also no more fear of discovering cat pee and ruined items, the unpleasant task of changing the litter box has been discarded, and I'll surely sleep better at night. But I'll still miss my little friends.

not bad

So, I survived my full on strip club experience, the whole event was rather intrigueing I would say. Betsy and I pretty much judged and evaluated the other patrons and the strippers themselves the entire time. The place itself was a "gentlemen's club" so I don't know if it was supposed to be more classy than your run of the mill strip joint, but it had nice decor, lots of fake trees and things. I concluded that I could cross stripper off my list of possible career choices, if not for my modesty in regards to being nude, then for my lack of physical fitness...more specifically lack of arm strength. I NEVER, not once, even managed to climb up one notch on that hanging rope that we had to climb to the top and ring the bell in gym class, and I demonstrated to my friends just a couple weeks ago on Survivor night how I can't even do a push up, it truly is pathetic. So unless I take steroids I probably won't be making it up that pole. One stripper in particular had (can I say) some mad pole skills, she at one point went to the top, then slid down the pole on pretty much her armpit it was amazing. The music was the most disturbing, cheesy metal mostly with a bit of top 40 hip-hop thrown in which was a relief. Betsy and I, in our judgement of the men there, stereotyped them as either frat boy (with their incredibly annoying girlfriends) or IT geeks who probably rarely get a glimpse of an actual naked woman and can't wait to tell their friends about their weekly excursion during their LAN party the next day, or perhaps over a rousing game of D+D. Though in a tangent discussion Betsy and I figured geeks probably are getting laid more than we are, because hot people attract hot people, and geeks attract other geeks, then there are all those in the middle, like us, who feel like we can never find a decent guy to date. Anywho, we also got riled up over the fact that they can molest other female patrons, touch them, kiss them, pull up their shirt and fondle them, the only reason we figured for that was to turn on the male patrons since men aren't allowed to touch them and the stripper can't like, take their wiener out of their pants, though please correct me if I'm wrong. I suppose in the end it's all about the money. I did find myself wondering what the strippers thought of their profession, that was probably the most curious part.

All in all not a horrible experience, Betsy and I had considered bailing for lack of enthusiasm over witnessing the degradation of women, but then we drank some whiskey and felt more up to the task. I probably wouldn't plan an additional future outing, but I'm glad I got the experience under my belt. Actually after the first half hour or so it got kinda boring, even for Betsy's friends who are bisexual.

Ahh, my former crush is playing Arrested Development, how nostalgic, and the guy sitting next to me keeps reading aloud to himself.

lets get real

My car returns to the streets, bumperless, but driveable. Though I have to worry myself with my lack of license plate until I reattach it, but I parked in the ramp today, passed 2 cops this morning w/o getting pulled over and have off-street parking at home, so probably no need to worry really, unless I can't figure out how to get it back on.

There was a shooting near my house and my co-workers were talking about it. I mentioned that Betsy and I often walk in our neighborhood often alone and at night. I got the "well, you better be more careful then". Yeah, I'm admittedly naive and flippant about crime safety, yep I make myself an easy target by being female and walking at night alone. I don't know, I just don't get worked up over it and so I'll probably be mugged or murdered someday, Betsy too, she doesn't have a car and walks everywhere, in the "bad" areas even. Something like when do you allow fear to override your lifestyle, not that it isn't good to be cautious and aware of your surroundings, but I really just don't worry about it.

Anyways, going to the club (strip) tonight. Can't say I'm real excited, but I said I'd go and so I'll go since I almost never back out of things even if I don't want to go.

right on

Co-worker Angela seems to recently adopted the phrase "right on" which strikes me as somewhat amusing. I suppose because I associate that phrase with arty hipster types, of which she is not. angela though, remains much a mystery to me. I love her, I appreciate her always being willing to lend me a helping hand, but she is a horse of a different color.

So I have to work here until Jan. 1st, 2007, well, I don't have to, but it would definitely be worth my while to stick it out. I just recently learned of a pension account that I can cash out when I'm "vested", I'll be "vested" Jan. 1st and can cash out this pension, scoring me at least $2500 if not more. I had no idea this money existed for me until yesterday, free money that my company just put into an account for me. Okay, it probably is normal for companies to set up pension accounts, but it was news to me. This means I can pay off debt, clean up my credit a bit, leaving my 401k intact as savings. Or I could blow it on a car, an iPod and a laptop, hmmmmm, choices.

I finally watched Hustle and Flow last night. I've probably had that netflix DVD laying around for a good month and a half. You see, pretty much any DVD that has graced my eyeballs has been of Gilmore Girls, seasons 3+4, and I still have season 1 to watch. Since my body refuses to stay awake past 9 p.m. while watching anything on TV (except apparently the first LOTR),it takes me a while to get through a movie, or an episode. Anyways, the movie was suprisingly heart-warming and also inspirational.

My landlord is crazy, he told Betsy that he would like us to stay month to month as long as we want if we want to. Weird. He has recruited his friend to pull my car out of the ice tonight though so whatever.

ah hell

Oh man, I'm excited...Jess returns! Yes, in the scenes for the new episodes of Gilmore Girls starting 2 weeks from yesterday Jess seems to play a very integral part, including some sort of kissing scene. I knew it, I knew he would come back.

I could potentially live another 60 years or more, well, of course unless I get killed by the bird flu or some other pandemic or don't quit smoking (though my g-ma smoked heavily at least 60 years, died in her 80's), anyways, that is a long time, 2 more of my lifetimes thus far. Perhaps I shouldn't feel so old and stuck, perhaps I should lighten up on myself.

Anywho, wish I had a smarmy scandalous tale to share but I don't really.

stuck

My car is still stuck, for over a week now. The front tire is stuck in muddy ice that refuses to be broken or melted since it isn't directly penetrated by the sun. Maybe a metaphor for my life, feeling stuck by debt. Ah hell, I shouldn't be so negative, I don't mean to be.

I signed up to go to the strip club friday with the roomie and her friend who is trying to get a group of ladies together to become more worldly, us girls having never been to the strip club. Ok, I lied, I went once to a seedy topless joint because I lost a bet.

I was pleased to discover that the Goonies DVD that I recently acquired has the music video of that Cyndi Lauper song in the movie.

in my life

I think I have mental fatigue, trying to figure out if I can do something with my life. However, I was talking to Betsy this morning, and I'm glad I'm not in her shoes. Practically her entire family is made up of engineers, so her parents want her to be an engineer, which I don't think suits Betsy in the slightest. Unfortunately for her they are very controlling and put enormous amounts of pressure on her to go back to school and move closer to them and be successful (monetarily), like they make her write up 5 year plans for their review, good grief. So I guess I'm glad that my parents don't meddle, that they don't lord money over me in a controlling manner.

Anyways, I'm trying to explore my options, which there seems to be a lot, but everything requires money and that is discouraging. I'm supposed to start culinary school in July, but I don't think I'll be eligible to take out enough loans to cover it. I'm trying to write essays for scholarships, but they seem cheesy, and I feel so average. Bah. So yeah, figuring my life out is consuming my thoughts (in case you hadn't noticed).

return of our dear friend

That Olivia, she's such a trickster, she came home to surprise us friday night. Well, her mom spilled the beans to me, but everyone else got surprised on our night out for Jenni's bday/st. patty's day, such a wonderful surprise, all of us together again.

Also, our dear friend Spring is returning, the temps are warm, the snow is melting, and perhaps my little car will be freed soon.

PTL (confirmed)

Betsy showed me this last night. If you are cooler than me which you probably are, you've probably seen it already, but it's pretty darn funny (and a nice followup to MS flava's latest comment).

Dear Betsy is officially leaving for Montana this summer at the end of May, I'm gonna miss that girl. She was offering some ideas on what I should do with my life, since I apparently remain clueless and unable to make a decision. Because I sent her a funny and well written email, she's convinced that I should pursue some sort of writing career, or social work since I'm a good listener and get along well with most people, or something artsy. My problem is that I lack confidence, am relatively lazy, and need (additional) therapy.

Lucy survived her surgery and is on the healing path, getting her rest. She's so cute, she looks all crabby and tired. She and George are getting along fine, I thought he would freak out, he's curious but keeps his distance. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, Lucy thanks you too.

Happy Birthday Jenni!! I am wearing a button that says kiss me, I'm Irish (though I'm not), for our festivities later this evening, and a good night it will be, guaranteed.

my apologies

to MS flava for incorrectly identifying him as a dandy, he made a convincing case otherwise.

So I met with financial aid today, looks questionable at this point whether I can go to school. Apparently if you have your bachelors degree, you can't get any grants, so I'd have to pay with loans or scholarships and I don't know if I can get a loan due to my credit rating at this point, and I hesitate to put myself further in debt. I don't know, I'm going to work on it in the next few months.

I'm off to go pick up the cat.

this goes out to....

for MS flava, I found this definition when I googled beau:

dandy: a man who is much concerned with his dress and appearance

if that doesn't describe MS flava I don't know what does.

new fave

For any who spurn milk drinking (for health reasons or otherwise) and are searching for a milk alternative other than soy, might I suggest Almond Breeze vanilla flavored almond milk, very tasty, the chocolate variety is good too. I drink milk a-plenty, but sometimes I like to switch it up, especially with items on sale at the co-op.

PTL (hopefully)

I have a prayer request for Lucy if you think of it, that she will get through her surgery safely and have quick recovery. The vet is so old though I think she could probably spay Lucy in her sleep, she had to be pushing 70, has a private practice in her home, so I don't think it could be said that she lacks experience.

Survivor tonight, apparently a special episode airing on a different night this week. The survivor herself is rumored to make an in person appearance along with beau and "best friend" MS flava (to clear the air regarding sexual orientation).

Inspired by MS flava's post regarding television, I will comment on one of my current faves, Gilmore Girls. I hear that there may be only one season left of the Girl's crazy antics, and I want to officially put out there my hope that Rory and Jess end up together. Jess is hot, he totally has that bad boy, yet sensitive side that shows with the right person (Rory of course) which is oh so alluring. He's creative (wrote a book) and smart (reads a ton), he has the life experience and street smarts to balance out Rory's naivete. Although Logan and Rory seem good together on a practical levlel, Jess challenges Rory in a way that Logan never will, and certainly he's grown more mature in the time that he and Rory have spent apart. So there you go, my bid for Jess, and evidence of my sad life constantly watching Gilmore Girls.

times are a-changin

Blasted snow needs to melt and free my car, I got places to go, suburban places that'll take at least 2-3 times as long to get to by bus. I guess it's my fault for even attempting to drive it yesterday.

I enrolled in the culinary arts school, thursday I meet with financial aid which will really determine if I can actually go or not. I'm nervous, I guess looking upon my life I'm don't exactly jump at opportunities for change or take much risk or like to make decisions, and this isn't quite what I envisioned myself doing. I envisioned doing Americorp for a year then going back to school. But I need a change, like now, and this would definitely be a change.

So anyways, just processing I guess. Tomorrow is the big day for Lucy, and I anticipate their being some weirdness between her and George.

It's ba-aack

You gotta love March in MN, so predictably unpredictable. It's a winter wonderland today, worse snow than any we've had thus far this winter, it only took me about 1 1/2 hours to get to work today (better than most my co-workers who didn't even attempt to show), and I don't think my car is going anywhere til there is some melting, but I appreciate the valient efforts of my landlord, another tenant, and some guy off the street who tried to help. That's it, once I'm a famous cake decorator I'm moving to L.A. to decorate cakes for celebrities.

what is going on here

I walked in on George and Lucy having an ahem, intimate moment, which was A. funny and B. confusing as I didn't think George had those urgings anymore after the snip snip. I remembered when my dad would ask me on my summer breaks to go out and observe which cows were in heat so that they could be bred. A job I admittedly slacked on for I think obvious reasons, but probably the only time the subject of sex was broached between my dad and myself. Praise God Almighty, I am taking Lucy in this week to get fixed, sweet relief is in my (and her) grasp.

I was quite impressed by Stereolab, I wasn't sure how they'd sound live but they pretty much sound the same as their recordings, and the lead singer is fabulous. Cassie and I poked a bit of fun at the opening band, I drank too much, we met some guy who asked us to go to the Uptown since he was on "the list", turns out he wasn't. Some pretentious buddy of his was there, and I felt the need to share that I thought he was a pretentious bastard. Then we blew that pop stand in favor of feasting on roller dogs and they were mighty tasty.

I may get to set eyes upon dear friend Olvia within a couple weeks, I can't wait.

changes and tradition

She keeps on surviving folks, way to go Sally!! It's just all so very exciting.

Had the day off yesterday, the weather was fabulous, Cassie and I ventured to the revamped moose and sadies to try out their breakfast, which was very good. It is bittersweet going back there, it's like an entirely new place. We all spent so much time there and have so many memories...ah well, we have to roll the changes I guess, that and the demise of Nicki's, I sure miss that Lester. After M+S we headed to the Walker to take in some free Thursday art, turns out it is no longer free Thursday until after 5 p.m., how lame is that? So after watching a couple funny short video's in the lobby we went to the Art Institute to check out Ruth Duckworth's exhibit. A guided tour was just starting when we got there so we joined in, complete with a couple who were trying to be pretentious artists but weren't succeeding very well. The exhibit was very good though, she seems like a really neat lady. Then I had my meeting with the admissions rep at the Culinary arts school. Depending on how financial aid works out, I think I may enroll, by next summer I could be a pastry chef. There is a lot to work out though, I don't know if I can get any more student loans since my credit is shot to hell, so we'll see, but I'm actually pretty excited, I think it is something I would enjoy and be good at.

First Ave. tonight with Cassie to see Stereolab, should be a good time, perhaps a tasty rollerdog will be in order after the show as is tradition.

goddesses unite

While listening to the radio this morning, I realized the host of the show was way cooler than me, fine except for the fact that she's a junior in High School.

Today is International Women's Day, all my fellow goddesses out there should pat themselves on the back for being a woman, and for overcoming (and continuing to overcome) years of oppression.

I can do that

I was looking at this list of the least popular jobs that msn provided. 2 of which I had considered going to school for, to be a nurse or librarian. Having worked in a medical office for 4 1/2 years now surrounded by nurses, the thought has crossed my mind to actually be a nurse instead of their peon that gets paid far less, but I kinda nixed that idea when I thought about having to stick people with needles and other queasy stuff like that. I could see myself being a librarian, I have no idea what kind of knowledge one needs to obtain to be a librarian other than the dewey decimal system and knowing how to readily find information, but I would have to get that library science degree under my belt. The others were machinist (no), truck driver (no, it would be scary if I were driving a truck) and pharmacist. Now pharmacist I think I could do as well, if I didn't have to be in school for so long, but you do make a helluva lot of money.
Or I could try to get into grad school for painting.

I'm not Roger Ebert I guess, but I am kinda funny

I caught the tail end of the Oscars last night after the church love feast. The only contenders for best picture I've seen so far were Brokeback Mountain and Crash. Brokeback was clearly the better film, Crash is alright, but lacks the subtlety to make it a challenging film. I suppose it was the safe choice however, it isn't as though the Academy goes for the best film, and since Crash has the whole racial issue aspect going on it seems like it at least should be more thought provoking than it is. Roger Ebert loved it though. All I know is that Jake Gyllenhaal is a beautiful man.

I was so witty today, I delivered a couple excellent innappropriate one liners during lunchtime, one having to do with nipples, the other with swingers.

a little slice, perhaps with peanut butter

I had originally planned on being in CA this week, Oakland and San Francisco to be more specific, instead Cassie and I decided we were lacking the appropriate amount of funding to support such a vacation and are here in MN, where it is springlike, yet snowing.

Here is what I'm currently doing....
-I'm sitting at work "intaking" patients and verifying their insurance, well, actually right now I'm blogging
-listening to Maxwell (he's sexy)
-loving peanut butter
-thinking about stuff since my job is pretty mindless
-about to get a cup of coffee

There you go, a tiny slice of the life of S'Dizzle, now for that coffee

slippery foot, slippery fish

I survived yoga, it was hot, I was tired, but I ate a banana and only got slightly dizzy and maybe a tiny bit nauseated, and I sweated more profusely than I ever have in my life. I feel it went well considering that I haven't done yoga for a while, nor am I all that flexible, and I have a gimp arm. As far as a deeper spirituality? I think I was just happy to be able to lay and stare at the ceiling without much thought, I've been keeping myself busy, and I am definitely introverted and need my alone time to just sit and ponder, which I haven't had enough of lately. Co-worker Holly was telling me about her ash wed. service and the visiting pastor who came, he has this 30 day challenge where you pray every morning and all you ask is "surprise me God". Yeah, sounds a little cheesy I know, but his book seemed to get good reviews. Do you think Christian book stores, authors, musicians, etc. donate a lot of their money to good causes or just get well off?, I'm pretty sure it's the former with a bit of the latter to feel less guilty. I've wondered that before because often they'll promote themselves and go for the hard sell as much as anybody secular, or maybe they just really have faith that they are revealing God's truth. But anyways...

Way to go Sal! made it another week, I'm smelling those pancakes. I missed the first 15 minutes of the show, but I heard there was some fish dropping, I'm sure they were extremely slippery though.

nirvana

I agreed to do bikram yoga at 6 a.m. tomorrow, I'm a little nervous that I might pass out from a combo of tiredness/non-functionality and doing yoga in a 105 degree room, but perhaps I'll attain a level of spiritual awareness and flexibility that I've not yet achieved thus far in my life. I guess I'm supposed to take sea salt and potassium so as to not get dizzy and nauseous, I'll eat a banana. In confirming that I have indeed put on a few pounds in the past few months, I'm trying to re-establish a workout routine after pretty much being sedentary for about 2 years. I tried to cardio box the other day and was saddened by the disappearance of muscle that I once had, the 60 year old woman was kicking my ass.

Looking forward to tonights Survivor, it's starting to get tense.

flute and drum

Cassie and I keep talking about starting up a band, I'll play the flute, she'll play the drum, and we'll possibly have a baritone played by Carissa. Sure, I haven't touched a flute since 9th grade, but I'm sure it'll be like riding a bicycle. I think I could master the guitar as well, though with a bit more difficulty due to my gimp arm. However there is always the option of playing it left handed ala Paul McCartney or playing it vertically, which would of course be my signature style that I'll become famous for. As to our "sound" we've been gravitating towards some sort of fusion, and of course Jethro Tull will be a major influence.

I was made fun of for being a penis looker/pervert last night. I'm sorry, but when someone fiddles with their zipper I don't think it is entirely unnatural for the eye to follow the movement that is taking place. Now don't get excited, this was not a precursor to me getting any action, Cassie and I were simply enjoying a smoke outside prior to heading home from the bar and were joined by a couple of humorous and attractive guys, one of which apparently had a problem with their zipper falling down. So yeah, I look at guy's crotches, if that makes me a perv then so be it.

Well, I'm taking a tour of a culinary arts school next week, yep, I may enroll in the baking and pastry program.