schlumpy/fat

Definitely one of those schlumpy/fat/ugly days. After a week or two of not feeling fat due to the illness during which I could not eat and consequently dropped a few pounds, am now feeling fat again due to holiday treats surrounding me everywhere I go. Have been looking in the mirror the past couple days and thinking ewww...face is pasty pale, tired looking, skin less than glowing. My ensemble today, unflattering pants and sweater pairing, faded green socks that clash against the green of my sweater, revealed by my too short pants, is not helping matters.

I'm tired due to loud neighbors waking me at 2ish a.m. Am determined however, to spend money that could be used towards my many unpaid bills, and instead feel like going on a shopping binge for new shoes. Then I will traipse home, try to tidy up the apartment a little since Lance moves in this weekend and thought it'd be nice if at least the bathroom(s) were clean, and I highly highly doubt that any of my roommates would take the initiative to clean well, anything. Jake takes out the garbage, so I absolve him of other household duties.

Holy balls, I just got rewarded at work for all my hard work, a reward that was given to only a few choice employees. Can't say I feel as though I completely deserve it, but hell, I'll take it.

nobody cares

I apologize if you are a person that believes that someone cares about how your holiday was, or someone that actually cares about how someone else's holiday was, however, I don't really care how your holiday was (unless you are a good friend, then I care), nor do I expect you to really care about mine, and yet that question flies about constantly post holiday and frankly it annoys me. Even if I sat alone and lonely, crying, about to ingest a bottle of sleeping pills I'd smile and say fine, and then not return the question. Ha, yet I blog about it as though someone out there may care, well, that's because my life is boring and I have nothing else to blog about, unless you want to hear about my financial despair, lack of self-confidence, how I get rejected by boys I like, yet gross, skeevy, old, boringly unfunny, or men who posess all aforementioned qualities seem to have undying love for me. So for that I apologize, and I do apologize if you are one of those persons who chippily ask how everyone's holiday was, and if you genuinely care, then good for you.

The days are supposed to be getting longer, increased sunlight leads to better brain functionality, energy and the like. The weatherperson said on the news last night that he doesn't expect it to get frigid cold until mid-late January, so I figure then we just have to get through February suckiness, March also usually sucks but at least you can see the end is near, those first inklings of spring come that give you that nice feeling inside.

My roommate confessed to not having a strenuous job (she's an intern). I've been recently annoyed lately by the fact that I'm usually the first out the door, the last home, and yet I find myself cleaning up after everyone while they sit around surfing the web. I'll give Betsy credit, when she was between jobs she tackled some projects and thoroughly cleaned, but guess who continued/will finish painting the cupboards? Ah yes, yours truly, even though I have one precious day off during the week, while everyone else works well under 40 hours. But you know what? I don't say a damn thing about it, just bitch about it here, and while chatting with friends, seems counterproductive now, doesn't it. I really love my roommies despite my annoyance.

home sweet home

Sitting here in my empty apartment. I have donned my gay apparell (jammies), and am watching Charlie Brown Christmas since Christmas is just about over and to watch it after Christmas would be sad, and it must be watched because it just must. In the olden days when I was a child, I would watch all the classics with my sister Romaine, Grinch, Charlie Brown, Rudolph, etc., we'd bake cookies together, listen to my parent's collection of old Christmas records, I'd help her trim the tree, she'd yell at me for improper placement of ornaments (2 reds too close to eachother, that one is too ugly...). I'd probably be yelled at for a variety of other things too, I guess I just wasn't very bright. My siblings and I would play games, Romaine would cry for some reason or another, usually because everyone like Noelle better (I don't know why, I mean, Noelle was nice and stuff), or my Dad liked his "other family" better than us. I would have so much fun with my sisters during that week between Christmas and New Years that I would cry for a week after they went back to school, or jobs. Nowadays, I get a little nostalgic for those days, especially when my siblings don't come home. If I don't get yelled at by my sister at least once or see her cry, it's just not the same. Anyways, Noelle came and brought baby Noah, Romaine and Phil were supposed to come with Teddy and Clara but they were stuck home due to the weather in Denver, my brother is in Seattle. I would have preferred to just come back to my empty apartment after Noelle and Noah left early yesterday morning, spent Christmas Eve and day alone, but well, there was my other family to spend time with, like my parents and stuff. I boned up on my guitar hero skills, it wasn't all bad, got to lounge around and watch cable TV. Now I will proceed to watch "Little Women" one of my favorites, the one with Christian Bale and Winona Ryder.

I've kinda had some anxiety lately about my future, feeling like I'm never going to be an adult. I'm going to turn 28 on my next birthday, I'm living with a bunch of recent college grads, drive a shitty car, have loads of debt, marriage/kids is the furthest from my mind, not that I have any marriage prospects anyways, and I'm worried about my career prospects. For some reason this has been bothering me the past couple days, maybe because my sister was talking about how they've not only paid off all her student loans, but that they'll have at least a million dollars saved up by the time they retire, and I'm like, I'll be lucky if I'm able to pay off my student loans by the time I retire. Granted, she's a doctor, but I don't know, I just feel like I've made bad life decisions.

awkward

I saw this guy I vaguely know last night while at the grocery store. I know him because I go to his art gallery pretty much every time it has an opening and I bummed him a cigarette once when at the local coffee shop so now he usually says hello to me amongst the crowd of pretentious art viewers, which is cool cause he owns the gallery and is all arty and stuff and he still makes a point to acknowlegde me. So we saw eachother, and said hello and such, he inquired about my weekend, you know small talky stuff, then I have to spend the rest of my shopping time avoiding him, because we'd already done the small talk thing which was awkward in the first place, but then to run into him again would be awkward again, so I was clearly avoiding him the entire time, now I feel like an idiot, like why can't I just be socially competent and carry on a conversation, or not be afraid of conversation, plus he's an artist, actually doing well for himself up in these parts, so he's not a bad connection to have. Oh well, I think the key is for me to be liquored up all the time.

freak

I have one of those freakishly long hairs growing from my cheek. I think I'll leave it there a while.

sweet relief

Today is the first day of my winter break, have I mentioned yet that I have three weeks off of school, and only have to subject myself to the daily drudgery that is my job, but all that is required of me is putting in my 8 hours, no schoolwork, no exhausting and stressful 5 hour classes, just drudgery. I will try not to complain about work or co-workers during this duration. We are getting free lunch today and tomorrow, if I didn't feel slightly nauseous every time I ate this would be more exciting, I have a fear that I'm becoming lactose intolerant or something horrible like that, I can't imagine, I love dairy.

Insomnia has returned, waking at 3, 4, 5 a.m. unable to fall asleep again, have no idea why, just pisses me off.

We decided on a roommate, Lance, he's "not a flamer but is a homo", his words. I was all about Lance before we met him, thinking he may put some effort into our sparse decor that the rest of us haven't had the ambition to tackle (or time in some cases), and he was funny in his emails and seemed really friendly. Our other option was another guy who was really outdoorsy, so much more up Jake's alley. However, I found him kinda irritating as did Kathleen, and Betsy thought he might be a slacker, plus he had unfortunate facial hair (a long skinny beard resembling a spike coming out of his chin), yet I was reprimanded by Betsy telling me I can't judge him for it, well then who can I judge? Does not one choose one's own style of facial hair, often as a manner of expressing oneself?? Whatever, he got the kabosh, I feel bad for Jake cause he's such a nice guy and he kinda got the shaft, but well, he was the only one excited about the outdoorsy guy. Lance, however, has a ton of furniture, big furniture, and seems to think we'll be able to fit it all in no problem, in addition to the furniture we already have. I'm slightly nervous about Lance, he may be not as laid back as he claimed. It is soo nice not to live with Sarah anymore though, so nice, just soo nice. I didn't realize how much common space she selfishly used for herself until she left, besides being a negative, complaining, lazy presence in the house. I like roaming my home, no longer fearing possibilities of awkward interactions with her, or hearing her stomp around, or complaining on her cell phone to mommy. Okay, I'm done now. So in the interim Jake's bandmate Aaron has been staying with us, and he and Jake jammed together the other night, Jake on guitar, Aaron on mandolin, then switching to fiddle, it was really pleasant. I actually wish Aaron would live with us, he's nice, quiet, respectful, cleans, all qualities of a good roommate, alas, it is not to be.

My teacher complimented me, we had to sculpt dough into whatever we wanted within the theme of "winter", so I did a cozy little fireplace scene, and she was impressed and said that the dought sculptures usually give her a good indication of who will be good at cake decorating and plating and such, and she seems to have confidence in my abilities, she said I have good coordination. It felt good. It reminded though of my painting prof. in college, he was also very encouraging, yet I didn't take it enough to heart...I wish I could.

Well, I'm on the receiving end of rejection yet again by a boy I kinda like, who seemed to like me, and it wasn't just in my head either, other people thought so too. Sigh, now I can't help but indulge in a little of the "what's wrong with me" thinking, even if I don't think anything is really wrong with other then my deep-seated issues that I haven't yet grappled with through the help of a reputable therapist. Perhaps I best get on that.

amongst the living...missing my bed

Friday evening I regained a fair amount of functionality, slithered out of my bed, showered, and shuffled to the ATM to deposit check that would save me from financial despair, then to the grocery to pick up some nutrients. Had hoped to engage in some funfilled activity, but decided it would be unwise...damn age and wisdom...seeing as how I had to work this weekend and have loads of schoolwork sitting all neglected and forlorn in the mouse infested corner of my room. Yes..I came face to face with the vermin yesterday as I flipped on the light, more like face to nastly hairless tail and he scampered his way from whence he came into the hole in my floor, which I've now sealed with a flimsy piece of packing tape, haha, that'll surely deter the little beast. Then I made the mistake of attempting to eat at our office holiday party last night, I mean the food was tasty, but I'm not sure my stomach quite ready for that amount of digestion, not that anything terrible occured as a result, just a tummyache and general feeling of grossness. This morning the delirium hit, but I've somehow managed to choke down theraflu and am feeling just about up to snuff, until the drugs leave my body and I'm sent into a spiral of withdrawels and depression.

I thought I'd be ironic last night at the party, see, I signed up to bring a desert, knowing that everyone has high expectations from me seeing as how I'm in culinary school, (which I find semi irritating since I don't feel like I can necessarily bake better than most anyone else and I don't like expectations put on me). So I brought a bag of Lindt truffles. Really I was just too sick/busy this weekend to make something, but I felt a sense of triumph as well, sticking it those nurses..I don't pester them about the state of my boobs, crotch, or any other womanly issue I may have even though they are learned in that subject. People seem to think I love to bake in my free time these days, umm, not really, I like to relax, work on other hobbies/projects, have a social life, etc. I don't like to bake outside of school at this point, I'm too damn tired/busy. I must keep my eye on the goal though, this wednesday will be the last day of the quarter, then I will have a glorious 3 and 1/2 weeks off of school.

I love my bed

I seem to have fallen ill, with what I don't know, but I feel like shit. I may soon leave my bed and watch television, if I can muster the energy. I rarely ever get legitimately sick, so I may as well revel in it. Sadly I have no one to care for me, I don't have a damn thing to eat around here even if I did feel like eating, and no one to bring me drugs or soup, although my buddy Rachel may stop by later bearing the good stuff.

I'm scared

Roommate Sarah is all but officially gone, outtie, 86'd, what have you, her and her little orange haired friend too. However, I have a new fear, that all my roommates will want the potential roommate that we met last night and that I'll be outnumbered. We are meeting 2 dudes tomorrow, but if they turn out to be duds, then I'm out of luck I believe.

I think I just saw a dead person, or something lying on a hospital bed with a blanket over it looking somewhat like a dead person. I guess that is what happens when you work at a hospital, you see dead people. hahaha

I'm a huge dork. I'm also going to have to start leaving myself comments.

when 2 become at least 4

A not so quality picture of Dan of the Black Keys and 1 quality pic of both of Dan and Patrick who(m?) I had the pleasure of listening to last night at first ave. They rocked real hard, they were sexy, it was good (even with hipster girl dancing crazily in a jam packed crowd and creepy old dudes jumping around behind us).

It was also butt cold last night, went from 60 degrees to 10 in a matter of hours.

I feel lovelorn...Betsy and I had a frustrating conversation last night about men and women and basically "the game", which usually results in a lot of generalizations being bandied about regarding men and women and their attitude towards dating. I'm of the opinion that if 2 people hit it off making the next move (for either person) doesn't need to be this calculated 'I have to wait x amount of time', if the other person likes you they'll want to see you and hear from you and not be turned off. However if you or they are on the fence that is a pretty good indication of if you like the person, are you excited, indifferent, or hoping they won't call. From my vast experience in the dating realm is where I've gained my expertise, haha. We also talked about using haha, LOL, LMAO, etc. in email. I tend to use haha quite frequently to convey "I just said something funny, and I am chuckling", because well, I'm damn funny. Roommate Kathleen seems to feel all such additions to email text are irritating and convey the attitude that "haha, I'm so funny" in a lame way, hell, if you are funny you are funny. I walk around all day smiling and laughing to myself because I think about all the funny shit I say on a daily basis. However, this blog of late perhaps does not quite convey my wit. Oh jeez, another bit on dating sorta, I also talked to Emily at the show last night, Emily who set me up with her co-worker, and she said he said I was "nice"....NICE, excuse me, he was lame, and a lightweight I might add, and coming off my beer buzz on the way home last night I pondered this and got pissed in my post-buzz alcohol induced depression mode and shared my pissed-offedness with the rest of the car. Me, just "nice"...whatever.

selfishness pt. 2

I was going to complain about people being selfish again, but I decided to restrain myself, since I too, am selfish often enough.

I played hooky from school today, deciding that I needed a day of rest and laziness, and so indulged in much needed sleep, movie watching and knitting, now I will finish my unfinished homework. There are so many things that I want to accomplish with my time, pretty up my home, look at some art, take in a movie, but so very little time to do it, and I feel like I'm constantly trying to be productive, which so goes against my innate laziness.

I'm pretty sure roommate Sarah hates me again, we were getting along kinda for a minute. Oh well, soon she will be moved out. I could just be overly sensitive too. We have yet to find a new roommate, nobody just quite meets up to our high standards of being extremely laid back, friendly, and have at least a moderate level of social competence enough to return a friendly greeting with perhaps a minimum of a smile, maybe even a short chat. Actually we offered the room to a girl and are waiting to hear back from her, she seemed to fulfill the above requirements. Meanwhile, Jake's friend/bandmate is going to live with us for the month of December. Speaking of roommate Jake's band, they are pretty good.

on selfishness and shed culture

Apparently there is a whole shed culture that I was entirely unaware of until yesterday, and my own father is part of it. He recently built a "shed" on the 'ol farm, which seems to be part shed, part personal fun space for my dad complete with big screen TV, pool table and probably a kegerator sometime in the future. So we're all chatting about the shed and what issues my dad has had with the contractor, and how they had toured other people's sheds something like a parade-of-sheds, and how one of his friends wouldn't give him a tour of his shed, and how my step-brother "pimped out" the shed to have the typical teenager party while the 'rents were out of town (and they classically came home a day early). Anyways, probably half of our dinner conversation revolved around sheds, they seem to be the wave of the future. There was also far more penis talk than I had expected (I expected none). Overall, I had a decent time with the fam, my dad is a pretty funny guy.

My teammates at school are greedy (actually mostly just Mary Kay), I mean, I can be greedy too when it comes to dividing up our classwork of the day, but I at least try to be fair instead of grabbing whatever the hell I want without regard to my teammates. Three weeks of class left, then I have 3 whole weeks off until next quarter, I'll be taking cake decorating, I want to make a mod cake.

I get to see Matt tomorrow and get a much needed haircut/color, I'm on the edge of my seat with anticipation.

I'm quite daft

I just saw/heard that quip used in studio 60 (actually my first time watching the show) it is something that I wish I could think of to sarcastically slip into conversation, and now it would only look contrived if I tried to. No matter, I'm witty enough as is.

Much fun occured last week seeing friends in punk/alt-country bands and our local doo wop band, stayed out much too late, was very tired. Our buddy Mike was adorable and funny, his cousin Matt was also adorable and talented, a good time was had by all.

Our roommate search has not quite panned out yet, but Sarah is moving out this week most likely, by sure by the end of the month.

Hmmm, I'm tired. I love ebay, and I just finished my debt management program, which means I have only one credit card left to pay off, after that is paid off I have other misc. bills to pay off, then I can hopefully put my focus on my student loan debt. I hate debt.

not that there's anything wrong with that

So I'm pretty sure that my classmates think I'm homosexual. See, one gal in my class has somewhat more I guess typically "masculine" characteristics, and she seems to enjoy giving me random bear hugs in class, which makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable, but I'm not assertive enough to say anything plus I don't want to hurt her feelings because she is a cool person and I do like her (but I don't like her, like her, I am into dudes). So, I made mention of this to my buddy Manda in the locker room after class and she was like, well, you know why she does that, insinuating that I clearly bring it upon myself because I'm into girls, and I couldn't tell if she was joking or not, so I was like no, I don't dig girls in that way, and then she said that she didn't really think that of me, but she has made allusion to the contrary more than once. Anyways, I find it interesting, like I really wonder if I send out some sort of vibe because I seem to be commonly mistaken for being on the other end of the spectrum, or at least somewhere in the middle.

Anywho, enough analyzing what other people may or may not believe to be true about my sexual preference, I know the truth and that is all that matters, so there.

I feel like a huge moron today, I overdrew my account because of mere stupidity. My car isn't moving because the gas pedal broke or something to do with the accelerating mechanism broke, which I'm hoping it won't be too much to fix. I just found out how much my car insurance is going to go up because of my other recently moronic behavior, and it wasn't to my liking.

Well, I had a good weekend though, Fuj. came for a visit, we reminisced and laughed, schwinged and schwanged, contemplated boys with good radio voices, etc. Ha, and tonight I'm joining Betsy to go hear Mike's band play, and Matt's band play, and my new friend Kevin is joining us. Oh, went out with blind date boy, definite lack of sparks, not an altogether unpleasant time, it met my low expectations anyways. And for those of my vast readership who are wondering whatever happened to the brit mechanic...we went out, I concluded that I was initially charmed by the accent and found him to be a nice guy not quite as attractive/charming at second meeting, I sorta rejected him and haven't heard from him since.

be careful what you wish for

I totally jinxed myself by hoping that I wouldn't be put in a group with Mary Kay, because of course I was put with her. My other team members I don't know very well, but there's Anna, who's really quiet, has very few facial expressions, is short, and has her nose pierced but doesn't look the type to. She smiled twice yesterday so I believe progress was made. I didn't have to deal with Mary Kay directly so I wasn't overly irritated, in fact we are on our own a lot this quarter so I think I'll manage. I'm trying to have a positive attitude. My other teammate seems pretty cool, but I thought that of Megan at first until I discovered she was condescending and slow as molasses. I mean, I'm a fairly slow paced individual myself, but she was ridiculously slow, wanted to be too much of a perfectionist, and rarely did much for cleaning.

Anyways, on a less judgemental note...our roommate Sarah has had a slight resurgence in friendliness, well, she makes an effort to smile at me anyways, and she burned me Aimee Mann's latest album. Thing is, her potential new housing situation may fall through, so I believe she may be trying to butter us up in case she stays, because we've unfortunately not found a replacement quite yet. Actually Betsy had a little chat with her not too long ago about how all us of in the house are fairly shy and so when someone seems withdrawn, the other is just going to go about their business without making a lot of effort to converse with the withdrawn individual. I think she maybe understood that as is now trying to interact more.

I agreed to go on a blind date, apparently the dude wants to go bowling, not only have I not bowled in years, but I don't particularly enjoy bowling. I'm expecting very little to come of this "date", meanwhile I pine for various men who are unavailable.

it's a great day for an accident

Yeah, it's a lovely late autumn day and I just rear ended a North Dakotan a couple hours ago. I'm feeling pretty stupid right now since it was due to me plainly not paying attention. I haven't been in an accident that was my fault since I was 18, but have been in a few others that weren't my fault, and I what I enjoy most is being insulted about how my car is a piece of shit, as if that has any pertinence to the situation other than that this dude's bumper (on his new Honda pickup), as he so graciously screamed at me, will cost more to repair then my entire car, and if I owned a vehicle as nice as his then maybe I'd drive more carefully. I thanked him for his insight as I picked my bumper off the ground and pushed it back in place, he adding more sound advice to "just duct tape it back on again". After he calmed down he did apologize for yelling at me and was actually quite friendly. A minor accident, but I'm guessing my rates will go up regardless, my good record has been tainted.

Roommate search is commencing, we have a couple of fairly promising candidates, well, we haven't actually met them yet though.

outta here

I just found out that my loan got approved for school, thank goodness, I was starting to think that I was going to have to drop out and also owe them a large chunk of cash that I don't have. So, one less stress on my mind. Just finished my 2nd class, my finals went pretty well, we were required to choose recipes for 4 things and change 2 ingredients that we thought would improve the recipe, and mine actually turned out pretty good, I was pleased. Next week we start artisan breads for 6 weeks. We get to switch groups, which I'm quite happy with because even though I love my teammate Manda, the rest of our group was per usual, not up to our standards. In fact, I believe that is how her and I bonded, over our dislike of our other teammates. I'm quite afraid that I'll be paired with Mary Kay again though, which would be hell.

The incompetency at my workplace also baffles me. My loud, sometimes obnoxious, but usually friendly and hard-working coworker quit, so I am left to pick up her slack because others in the office are apparently too incompetent to do the work that is required of others, such as myself, who can actually perform fairly simple tasks relatively efficiently and without much difficulty. Frankly, it is quite ridiculous and I'm quite tired of it.

Sorry, I'm bitchin' today, had a long week, in fact haven't had a day off since the sunday before last and have to work this weekend too. Monday, which will finally be my day off, I hope to paint my room, not quite relaxing. Oh well, now that I know I'll be able to finish school I can quit being a nurses' bitch and hopefully do something I actually enjoy, like decorating cakes or something.

just too old

Something really strange happened to me last night. After work, I went to Ikea, realized I could not yet afford what I came there to buy, but yet managed to find other things to buy that I hadn't planned on at all, whoever came up with the whole Ikea concept is a genius. Anyways, that wasn't the strange thing, I went home, rang our doorbell because my key had broken the previous evening. Nobody answered the door, so I rang the other 2 apartments and still noone answered so I stood there thinking absolutely nobody in our whole entire house was home and what I should do in the meantime (I didn't have my cell on me otherwise I would've called). One of the dudes from upstairs arrived while I was working this through in my mind though so I stopped entertaining that thought, thanked him, and went upstairs to find that pretty much everyone I live with was home, 4 people who could've answered when I rang. I'm pretty sure they just couldn't hear me over the Al Green blasting on Betsy's Ibook. This wasn't the strange thing. I proceeded to do a bit of organizing of my room, then decided to watch my netflix, probably fall asleep, and possibly go to a party later with Betsy, but we were both undecided as I have to work this weekend and she was playing soccer. So, I put in the movie, at this point it is about 10 p.m., and this is the strange thing, I DID NOT FALL ASLEEP WHILE WATCHING THE MOVIE. I have absolutely no idea how this happened, I was alone, I was feeling tired, the lights were out, the movie was decent but not particularly great, other than at the theater, during midday, and when watching the first "The Lord of the Rings" have I not fallen asleep while watching a movie.

I did not go to the party which by the time Betsy got home I was pretty torn between being tired and having to get up early for work, and going to see Mike, the thrower of the party, who I think is keen. I probably would have drunkenly tried to seduce Mike and been unsuccessful because he A. has a girlfriend who he apparently loves, and B. I'm a huge nerd. I also have a party to attend to tonight, and I'm too old now to be partying the entire weekend when I'm working.

crisis averted...or how Cassie got the fucker out of the fire

Cassie and I narrowly avoided death last night, or at the very least horrible disfigurement. This little tale will probably only remain funny to Cassie and I based on the reaction to the retelling of the story to Jenni and Carissa, but oh well, here goes. So we (Cassie, Carissa, Jenni and myself-oh and Todd too) were out at Carissa's (a.k.a the Suburban retreat center) for dinner. Todd was being anti-social, and us ladies had started a fire in the fire pit out on the deck, enjoying some beer and chatting away about highly intellectual things because we are very smart. At some point in the evening Cassie and Jenni go inside for a stint and Cassie and I are engaged in some juicy girl talk. All of the sudden a log just leaps out of the fire onto my shins! (in all actuality, I think Cassie was prodding the logs and it kinda fell out). After I take a second to figure out that I should move away from the burning log, I jump up, Cassie jumps up, grabs a couple sticks and tosses the log back in the fire. Now we have to attend to the fact that there are little bits of burning embers all over the deck so we go to work hopping and stomping til all the embers are out, knocking a bottle of beer and an ashtray over in the process. After completion of the task at hand we are able to sit down and seemingly relax, take a breath and in fact have a little chuckle. Cassie tosses a few sticks off the pile to build the fire a little and as we resume chatting, she suddenly notices that the lighter (one of those big long one's) had been tossed into the fire as well and she points at it and says "Fuck, the fucker's in the fire, the fucker's in the fire!" Cassie, being the hero that she is and maintaining her cool, reached into the fire, grabbed the lighter and threw it into the lawn. She and I then have an enormous chuckle, and ponder how we almost set the house on fire and also could have possibly been blown up, which isn't really funny if you think about it, but it sure seemed funny last night, and I'm still having a chuckle here and there today.

Anywho...I'm making friends at school, sorta. I mean, we haven't hung out during non-school time, but I do feel as though I'm liked by the cool girls in class. I remember when I had my first college experience and I didn't really have any friends til like, my junior year, other than Fujipants and people I had known from my hometown.

Work had been a real bitch this week, I had asked my co-workers to do the one piece of my work that has to be done every day last week while I was gone. Of course when I returned on Mon. nobody had done any of it and I've been playing catch up, which is difficult since I have school mon. and wed. afternooon and all day tues. I could also bitch about how I'm treated like a peon, and etc. and etc. but I'll restrain myself.

there are no words really

Such a lovely jaunt to the bigger city this past weekend, seeing good friends, seeing good friend's mothers, and eating a lot of ice cream. If I could figure out how the heck to get my pictures uploaded on this old beast of a laptop well, that would be nice now wouldn't it.

But now, I am sleepy, and hopefully the tools next door will keep it quiet.

I live near a bunch of tools

Again I was awoken shortly after 2 a.m. by my drunken neighbors, just screaming shit into the night for entertainment without regard for the fact that there are likely people sleeping that do have to get up early. I even went to bed at a decent time thinking, "swell, I'm going to get a good nights sleep for once". I had to open my window and do my own screaming into the night alerting our neighborbly douchebags to the fact that some people like to sleep at that hour, I mean, I hate to be a buzzkill, and a little drunken laughter and noise is understandable and acceptable, but some respect to the sober and sleeping would be nice. It also happens on a semi-regular basis.

Reunited with our old buddy old pal Olivia this very evening! I'm quite excited.

good news

Of her own accord, our roommate Sarah is moving out. Apparently she's been planning on it because she said she's already been looking for a place with a couple of her friends. We already have another potential roommate to take her place. I feel slightly bad that it didn't work out, but mostly relieved and do think we will all be happier as a result.

Well, I got cancelled on again, apparently the brit fell ill this morning, had to leave work and is recovering. I'd like to not take it personal, but the fact that we've been trying to make plans now for almost 3 weeks is leaving me kinda jaded. He did apologize profusely, so I don't know. I'm not super hot and heavy for him so it's not much sweat off my back, but still, it's a little odd.

I'm turning over a new leaf

I've noticed a titch of negativity in my recent postings, bitching about this, that, and the other, the other mostly being other people such as my roommate or co-workers. So I'm going to try to be more merciful and understanding, to "turn over a new leaf" if you will. I especially feel bad since I apparently wrongly accused Sarah of breaking my frame when apparently she did not, and she did apologize to me for breaking my frog after I brought it up to her, I'm over it now.

Big things ahead, outing with the brit tonight, Olivia returns on Wed., and Cassie and I head to Chicago on Thu., where it is certain much fun will be had, and at least one hot dog will be consumed.

not only

Not only was there no apology or even acknowledgement regarding my broken item(s), but as I suspected, I had to clean all the broken bits up myself. One thing that was broken was a ceramic frog, which granted I didn't really even like that much, but Sarah told Betsy that she broke it, but that it wasn't her fault and that I would figure it out. I just don't understand her, I guess if she doesn't feel sorry, then she shouldn't apologize, but at least take enough responsibility to clean it up, does this not make sense?

ranting and ranting

I sent out a slightly snarky email to the nurses I work with yesterday, because I was just frustrated that we tell them you have to do these simple things because if you don't then the work required to fix it done by the office staff is very time consuming. We've been on our "new" computer system for well over a year, they should know the system by now but gee williker, some "just forget" or are "just bad" at completing their charting. It's always the same people and it never improves and I just don't understand why they aren't expected to step up their work as it seems silly to me that forgetfulness is an constant excuse. That wouldn't fly for office staff. Now I feel bad because one of them sent me an email saying she's sorry for making more work for me, and she's such a nice person. It wasn't my intention to make people feel bad, it's just this is what you are supposed to do, I don't see it getting done, if I don't say something it will never improve sort of thing.

Anyways, enough about work. Last night I went to Jenni and Todd's to partake in the art crawl with them and Cassie, and ended up staying there, which I had kinda planned on since our roommate Sarah was having her friends over for dinner and games. Well, I get home this morning and 2 of my things are broken and I'm like gee, that's really nice, not only are they broken, but nobody cleaned up the broken glass or anything. Neither one is really valuable, a knick knack that I didn't like anyways and a cheap picture frame, but what bothers me is that I'll likely end up cleaning it up myself, and probably whoever broke it will offer to replace it, but I'll likely end up doing it myself.

damn

I'm having a really tough time staying awake right now, the coffee isn't doing anything for me, and I just ate a delicious piece of carrot cake so I'm probably having a sugar crash, or maybe I have narcolepsy.

I was just on the receiving end of condescencion by one of our lovely nurses. I realize I'm the same age as her children, but that doesn't mean that I deserve to be treated like a whiny 5 year old for merely asking her a question that enables me to do my job. She said to me in an irritated tone "sweetie, I can't look that up right now I need to take care of this other thing right now". Yeah, I wasn't hanging on your leg begging for an f-ing candy bar, I was asking a simple question that only you can answer. I would have appreciated something along the lines of "I need to take care of this, but I'll help you in a minute" or something more adult like, since I am one. Well, I guess the end is near.

I've been postponed

Potential outing with the brit was cancelled for the evening, he just got a new job and apparently he has training tonight after his regular job (as a mechanic). So potential outing has been moved to monday because he "does really want to get together". I'm tempted to blow him off as being flaky, but, well, that accent (and he seems to genuinely want to hang).

why ease into it?

I agree, I think it's a great idea to just jump head on into winter, like ripping a band aid off, except the pain lasts for months instead of a few moments. Really though, those of us who live in the northern regions were really being coddled by mild fall weather, I mean, we choose to live here right? Clearly we must enjoy whipping winds and bundling up so lets just skip over that other crap, who needs average highs in the sixties, lets get those flurries going, who doesn't love snow.

Roommate Betsy is obsessed with the Detroit Cobras, and on Sun. night she, roommate Kathleen and myself went to see them at a local venue. Our friend Mike also joined us ( I shamelessly flirted with Mike at our party the week prior despite him being in a serious relationship-I was more than tipsy, I don't normally condone such behavior, in any case I was feeling a bit of residual embarrassment, but Mike is cool so I really shouldn't have worried about it). Anyways, after the show Kathleen and I booked it to the car because it was really cold out and we were really tired. Meanwhile Mike, being a regular attender at said venue, took Betsy to the room where the band hangs out so she got to meet the band members and have her cd's signed. Betsy, having imbibed on a considerable amount of whiskey throughout the evening, wouldn't shut the h e double hockey sticks up about how she got to meet the beautiful lady from the band, and has since been playing their albums to death and talking about the band relentlessly. They are a good band, but I do not share her obsession unfortunately, otherwise I'd enjoy much more the nightly blasting of their music throughout our apartment.

It's time to break out the down comforter my friends.

it is cold

eureka, I did figure out how to get my comments back with some savvy internet searching and trial and error. I still hate html. Overall though, the new beta version is kinda fun especially if you don't know what the hell you are doing (with the html stuff) like me. I guess if I had several hours to kill I could figure out how to edit and do cool things to my page, but I just don't have the time or the natural inclination to do so.

Yesterday....tasted about 50 butters, yes, just the butter. Me and fat are going to be real tight for the next few months.

Also yesterday, went for an eye appointment for my annual checkup and to get more contacts. This is the second time I've visited this particular doc and the charm hasn't worn off. I feel like I'm stepping back 50 years cause the dude is geriatric and still uses the same equipment seemingly from 1940, it is so neat, I feel like I should traipse off to my one room schoolhouse and then traipse home to help my mother bake or something.

So, I have my first outing with the mechanic on thurs. I think. He's from England, he has an accent, this might override any other unattractive qualities that he may have, at least for a while.

freaking cold in these parts.

messing around

with the new blogger beta version, but I should really stop now and try to get some work done. Bah! I lost my comments and I can't figure out how to get my haloscan back on, I hate html.

confusion over the pastie

So what is the deal with the pastie? Like how is it that your entire breast other than the nipple can be exposed and it somehow is seen as at least appropriate enough to be viewed on television and in the general public. Cassie and I pondered this while watching the burlesque show at the bar we wandered to after going to our art opening. If someone can shed some light as to why breast tissue is appropriate to be viewed as long as the nipple is not exposed, I would be appreciative.

damn software

My car got broken into again, bastards. I'm still unclear why someone would look at my old beater, which has a partially flat tire and tape holding on the front bumper and think, gee, I bet there is some good shit to steal in there. Unless they think, hmmm, this looks like the car of someone who spends their cash on drugs, maybe they left some in the car, that is the only explanation I can come up with. Or that my car is usually cluttered so I therefore may have left my valuable stamp collection amongst my trash or my moneyclip containing several hundred dollars. Who knows, at least it is the small triangle window and not the driver's side front window like last time. I hope they saw my dashboard Jesus and felt convicted enough to repent. I would post a couple photos but I can't figure out how to download the necessary software to be able to transfer the pics from my digital camera.

I want to play hooky, it is so beautiful outside. It is also that time of year for the corn maze, who's with me?

School daze

I'm feel fat, I had to taste 24 cookies yesterday, today I had to taste a load of pies (48), monday it was biscuits and scones, do we see a pattern forming? One that will perhaps add several pounds to my short self? I could go exercise, but I'm pretty damn tired. I thankfully was not put with the woman that I despise, I quite enjoy my group actually. I'm so smart too, like I know the answers to stuff.

So I had some fraudulent acitivity on my checkcard, it wasn't stolen, someone must have gotten off the net. Anyways, I scrounged up some change to go to the local shop and get some coffee, hoping to be able to get some cash from the ATM. However, I got to the ATM and remembered that though I may actually have some money in my account, my card had been cancelled. I was a bit short as far as the coffee, but figured one of the regulars would spot me the rest. After I explained my embarrassment and told them why I was having to beg for change, the guys at the shop were like "so you have no money", and I was like yeah, but I'll survive, to which their response was to hand me a bunch of cash because they didn't want me to have to "just survive". I was quite touched actually, I mean one is the lecherous old man who has a thing for me so that doesn't surprise me, but these are really just acquaintances of mine and they were so kind.

Apparently the mechanic, though he was a no-show at the party, does want to get together still. Like I said I've already played out the worst case scenario in my head so it will probably suck....

I missed my own anniversary

If my blog and myself were in a relationship, I'd be in the doghouse. I was so busy yesterday preparing for our shindig that I didn't have time to write a special blogiversary post. It's just as well, since I don't really have much of interest to write anyways.

Our party went well, not as many people showed as usual, maybe we really do have lame partys, but I really don't think so. Anyways, we put an enormous amount of effort into this party moreso than previous party's, I mean, we usually have enough booze and snacks and such, but Jake and I actually made good food, Betsy as usual put a lot of time into the mix and she made cool decorations our house looked really nice, so we were kinda bummed when our regular attenders didn't show to witness it, but oh well, it was still a good time. I of course embarrassed myself as is my protocol. The mechanic didn't show, which I was fine with since instantly after I asked him to come to our party I mapped out the worst case scenario in my brain which I pretty much always do and was kinda hoping he wouldn't come so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. I'm just glad that I asked, I took a risk, yay for me.

Tomorrow I go back to school, though I haven't received official word on if my loan has been approved or not yet.

making a fool of myself

I just asked the cute mechanic to come to our party. This is how it went down. I drove down the street, pulled over to muster my courage, called my co-worker because I saw him get out of a car and cross the street after which I felt hugely dorky because I knew he could see me sitting there, and knew it was me because my car is pretty distinctive. While I'm on the phone freaking out, he comes over and asks me if I'm bringing my car in, I turned beet red I'm sure, hung up the phone and asked him to come to our party. He actually sounds like he might come, and now I'm embarrassed.

issues unresolved and tomorrow is a special day

So, apparently our house meeting resolved few real issues. I do think we were somewhat successful in getting Sarah to see that we do make efforts in the house, cleaning, purchasing common supplies, etc. without pointing fingers. No "real" issues were resolved however, honestely I don't think any of us like Sarah much. I guess I'm pretty indifferent towards her, but I do feel more comfortable at home when she isn't there, she just kinda looks at me strangely and I don't know how to read her. Betsy is pretty pissed off, Sarah made a couple snide comments, about the cleanliness of the house for one. Our apt. is cluttered in some areas, but despite what I make it sound like it isn't disgusting, and I feel we make a decent effort to keep things clean. It isn't even that cluttered and the clutter is papers and mail and shit or Sarah's boxed belongings that she hasn't moved into her room since we moved in. She also is refraining from attending our party since she's "really stressed out and overwhelmed by meeting too many new people", I frankly couldn't care less if she wants to make herself scarce since she's a kinda buzzkill anyways, but holy hell, we're all stressed and busy, I'm in school and working almost full time, Betsy and Kathleen each have 2 jobs, Jake has a physically demanding job, she has one job on her plate and gets food stamps (she has an Americorps position). Our rent is fairly cheap and I don't know that she has a lot of other expenses. She also "didn't have fun at the last party" well, she sat in her room with a select few of her friends, told us when we asked her to come out and join us that some people just don't like to socialize and drink, and left her other, non-select, friends to be entertained by us who had a good enough time to give us their contact info so that they could be invited to our next gathering. So yeah, she may be a cool girl, but I have no idea because she won't respond to our efforts to be friendly and include her, she doesn't seem to care to know us (yet complains), and I highly doubt that we will grow to like her. So I will be mean and pass judgement upon her, she was just kinda generally insulting, and I feel like we've made a genuine effort.

Along the same lines, I've actually been pondering the past few days about judging people, dismissing them if certain characteristics don't fit our mold, expectations, morals, values, what have you. The golden rule is crap because how you like to be treated is not necessarily the standard for all humanity, some people feel it perfectly fine to treat others like shit (by some people's standard) and expect to be treated the same, whereas one persons high ideals may cause them to blow off a valuable individual. I don't know, I fail alot at being judgemental (see above), and placing undue expectations on people, at the same time you can't just let any behavior fly without having some standards....I need therapy.

Tomorrow is my blog anniversary, 2 years of my pointless rambling posted online for anyone's reading pleasure.

a lengthy (probably boring) post about the goings on in my life

My roommate Jake's band opened for Nickel Creek before they hit it big, isn't that just swell.

My week off from school has been truly lovely thus far, I set out to have a good time and to also be productive and am pleased to report that both have been accomplished thus far, and it's only Wed.! To recap on all the fun I've been having...
Fri.-went to former roommate Emily's new house where she and her new roomie Sinda were having a housewarming party. I attempted to hem and haw with recent grads of some of the more uppercrust of MN colleges. I'd rate my wittiness on a scale of 1-10 as a 6.7. Betsy and I announced our plan to write a screenplay in which there is basically an asexual heroine. I tried to muster up a game of truth or dare of which there were 4 participants, and during which we discovered that the most probing question we could come up with was "have you ever given someone a blowjob?". Betsy made fun of us for not being able to advance beyond age 14 in our truth or dare creativity. I then self-loathed for a while for not being smarter, as I was told based on my PSAT score that I could never dream of going to such a school as Carleton or Mac., but felt confident that my new bra was pretty and showed it off to neighboring individuals. Then I fell asleep.

Sat.-was productive, cleaned mostly in the hopes of getting to the source of the funky smell in the kitchen. I had feared that some sort of vermin had perished under the fridge, so, with steel determination I moved those fridges and prepared myself for the worst-nothing other than your run of the mill under the fridge grime which was promptly mopped up. I then showered and vegetated a bit, meanwhile Cassie called wondering what I was up to, and she and I and Heather decided to join Betsy to hear harpist blues legend Billy Boy Arnold at our local chain rib establishment. I had me some good ribs and (2) cornbread muffins (2 for $0.99).

Sun.-worked, was unproductive at work per usual. Went to church and afterwards called my mother to wish her happy birthday, and had the pleasure of visiting with my local pals, and also out of town pals Sally and MS flava. I got excessively drunk likely because I was downing my beer and I had a mostly empty stomach (trying to be frugal). I then proceeded to vaguely embarrass myself and get easily offended at our local venue where our church puts on a show with a variety of local musicians and our church band.

Mon.-worked, was unproductive at work, hoped to hook up with Sal and MS flava before they headed home but didn't. After work I picked Betsy up and we tried to engage ourselves in the seedy underbelly of the Mpls punk scene. Our friend Mike's (who we are both attracted to but who unfortunately has a girlfriend), band was playing at this house with a gross basement and keg beer. I felt fairly out of place upon arrival, seeing as how I don't usually try to pull off the punk look, but Mike welcomed us even though we looked really square. Mike told us some about his drunken shenanigans over the weekend and a few offensive jokes, but was cut off by the first band, they were alright, then Mike's band played, and they were pretty good. The next morning Betsy and I were chatting about how adorable Mike was, but she then brought up the point that if one were to actually date Mike, one might get tired of his alcoholic tendencies, his propensity toward playing video games for hours, and the fact that he mostly hangs out with a bunch of dudes who also have alchoholic tendencies. She does make a good point. Ah, but he's so cute and funny and artsy...anyways...

Tues.-My day off since I worked on Sun. I awoke determined to be highly productive, my goal being to paint/clean my room. I woke, cleaned some, went to the paint store and decided I am too poor to paint my room at this point, also ran into my landlord who graciously informed me that we haven't quite been fulfilling our caretaker duties of cleaning the halls (which we haven't). I went home with a new goal of ridding the kitchen of the foul odor. This time I pulled out the stove expecting the worst...to discover only your run of the mill under the stove grime which I mopped up. Then I cleaned both hallways and attempted to tidy the basement. I lamented the fact that I hadn't been able to enjoy the lovely weather so I partook in a short jaunt to the local shop for a cup a joe and some reading outdoors. While I was trying to keep to myself and read, a regular who generally irritates me joined me and irritated me per usual and then a bird shat on my book (which was thankfully from the library). Then I went over to my co-worker's to watch the season premier of "Gilmore Girls" with 2 other co-worker's and Cassie. I wasn't disspointed, though after reading reviews today it seems that a lot of other's were, nor do I hate Christopher like many seem to (though he was somewhat irritating).
I also came home last night and finally realized the source of the odor...which is fairly disgusting...it was the fly trap that I had bought a few weeks ago, which now resides in the garbage...problem solved. Hey, at least it wasn't decomposing mouse bits....

roommate issues pt. 2

I'm hungover, and feeling vaguely embarrassed by my drunkeness as I don't think any of my other friends were quite at my level of intoxication, oh well... My attempts at productivity here at work are not very fruitful, unless you consider updating my evite, checking my ebay, reading blogs and various other info on health and nutrition productive, so actually just my attempts at being productive regarding work related things are not very fruitful.

Okay, I'm going to start hording my own toilet paper...and here is why. Apparently Betsy overheard our roommate Sarah complaining about how we were -almost- out of TP, we were down to like one roll in each bathroom. I bought TP the next day -before- we ran out (so I don't really see the cause to complain). Note that -I- bought the TP and not the complainer, one should also note that the only persons in the house to have bought TP are myself and Betsy, and at no time have we been out of TP mind you. Also noteworthy pretty much all the rest of the contributions to the household, supplies, furniture, gadgets, etc. have all been, with exception of the dining room table (which she got for free), bought/acquired by everyone but Sarah, oh and I guess she brought a small papazon like chair and a bean bag chair. ALSO noteworthy is that she does not contribute much to the overall cleanliness of the house and yet seems to feel she deserved much praise because she cleaned the bathroom once for our last party (meanwhile I find myself washing her dishes and cleaning up counter surfaces even when I don't cook anything). So I almost feel that if my TP contributions are going to go unappreciated by certian parties of the household, I'm just going to buy my own supply and horde it in my room. Actually we are going to have a house meeting this week to hopefully air out any grievances and come to some resolution so that we will hopefully stop bitching behind everyone else's back like I'm doing right now.

You know how when you walk down the hall and there is an acquaintance or co-worker and you say hello or whatever but you still some hall distance to cover before you pass eachother and it seems awkward to look at the person after exchanging pleasantries, but also awkward to not look.

We settled upon the Whodunit theme, now I have to come up with some sort of spyish dress.

I find your knowledge of water pumps to be so....fascinating

My car returneth to my posession, and I'm lusty after my mechanic. He did sound *cute* the numerous times I talked to him on the phone, and well, he is in person as well. Betsy is trying to convince me to pretend that something is wrong with my car, well there is certainly always something wrong with my car, but anyways so that I can ask him to our party next weekend. I feel too sheepish to make such a bold move, though I really felt we made a connection while he was spouting his mechanic jargon about water pumps and alternators, but actually we also talked about how he'd like to go to culinary school, so I'm pretty sure I'm in love and decided that it is necessary for me to date a mechanic.

I believe I might be in the presence of fair Sally and MS flava tomorrow, which truly makes me feel warm inside on this cold, drizzly evening.

I'm definitely getting fat....but I cleaned our kitchen pretty thoroughly today, I even moved the refridgerators (yes 2) and mopped behind them. I have some pretty lofty goals this week to relax, exercise, clean/decorate my room, and go out at least 2 nights this week despite my lack of funding, plus our party next Sat. which will be a theme party and therefore will take a bit more planning than usual. I think we've narrowed it down to Mods vs. Rockers or a Whodunit party where you can take your pick of characters ranging from bumbling constable to wronged party to private eye to femme fatale, with an attempt at some sort of simple clue or riddle type game where you can receive a cheesy prize. If anyone has a vote or opinion feel free to chime in, oh right, I just remembered that nobody reads this or leaves a comment. Well, maybe someone will be take pity on me since I just whined.....

here we go again

It is cold as balls in these parts, for mid-September anyways, so much for easing into fall....

good morning

Yesterday was my last day of my intro to baking class, and for this I am grateful. After tomorrow I will have completed my first quarter of school, with 3 more to go and my schedule next quarter will I think be much more pleasant. I actually enjoyed most of the people in my class and I'll kinda miss some of them that I know I won't be in class with again, though there is one person in particular that I know I can't stand, and I'm hoping/trying to make deals with God so that I won't be grouped with her again ( since she was in my group first part of the quarter). I'm thrilled that I will only have to get up before our region of the earth is lightened by the sun 2 days a week instead of 3, and not even as early as before, plus I'll be done with my day earlier too (I may even exercise).

I may try to finish watching the movie Eraserhead tonight since I of course fell asleep watching it, even though what I've seen of it so far is somewhat disturbing. However the movie is supposedly worth watching and I do usually enjoy Lynch, and roommate Kathleen wanted to watch it too so maybe if someone else is there with my I won't be quite as disturbed.

This completes my exciting post of the goings on of my life....

it was true

Courtney and Kurt really did live in the house that Betsy and I were potentially going to live, if only we could have gotten past the disgusting state that it was in when we saw it, and the fact that it overlooked an ugly liquor store parking lot (however, convenient). But here is proof, an excerpt from our "CityPages".

"It was a very specific time. Courtney Love was like the 74th person from that corner
to get famous. She was living [in Big Trouble House, on Colfax off Franklin, next to
the liquor store parking lot] there, and the Mondales were living five blocks in the
other direction. "

I thought that lady was full of -it, but I guess we missed our opportunity to tread upon the same hardwood floors, soak in the same tub, or eat from the same kitchen in which they made delectable romantic meals or drugs. Alas, it was not meant to be.

Well, I did fairly well on the practical portion of my exam, and I'm sure glad it's over. I was putsy as usual, one would think that my slowness would make my assignments better, this is sadly not the case. I lack creativity, but my pate aux choux swan looked lovely, it had a nice beak. Also, I told one of the cute boys in class that I made my cake for him, which had "you are special" written on it, he seemed pleased.

could you imagine

making an extremely detailed print of the face of Jesus, using only one continuous line? I sure can't, but I saw it with my own eyes at the MIA. Then again I apparently have little imagination...I just drew a plate design with a swan for my exam tomorrow, it is pretty cheesy. Sadly, after wed. I will no longer be in class with the attractive young men who I enjoyed lusting after while making various breads and pastries and the like, and since I never said more than maybe 5 words to either one of them, I doubt I will interact with them in the future. On the bright side, next week I have a glorious break from school, assuming that I'll be able to go back (still not sure about that loan), which I hope to be a perfect balance of restfulness and productivity.

Well, a smoke, a shower, and sleep, gotta rest up.

mostly irritated

As the day progresses, I get crabbier. I'm tired of being a nurse's bitch, just found out the plethora of things that are wrong with my car, I can afford to fix the immediate issue, but there are basically fluids (oil, water pump) leaking all over and well, that doesn't bode well for the future of my car, not that I expect it to be in pristine condition, umm, school kinda sucked yesterday and I'm stressed about my final, etc. etc. Yeah, one of my teammates nitpicked at my folding technique to no end and it really frustrated me, it was embarassing and I felt like an 8 year old being critized relentlessy by my father. But anyways, I'm over it I guess, and I don't really need a car so if it finally kicks it, I can deal. I feel as though I'm getting fat, probably because I eat too much and am too tired to excercise. I'm also sick of lecherous, creepy old men (well one specifically) at the coffee shop insisting on talking to/sitting near me even though I make clear through words and actions that I'm uncomfortable. So I'll just be short with people and irritably toss some papers and things around.

sloppy

Class today was difficult and frustating, we were making plated desserts, and I felt as though I have no eye for design, which I should have, being an art major and all. Well, actually, design was never really my strong suit, drawing/painting something that is in front of me and making it look like what it is, that I can do, but placing colors and shapes together in a appealing manner is more hit and miss for me. Plus we're working with food, it's kind of a different medium.

I saw my former coffee shop crush's girlfriend in the pharmacy/post office, she held the door open for me, and she is a very thin woman. Actually I'm not sure if they are still together, I think so, but I'm not positive. She seems cool though, she has a lot of tatoo's and bikes everywhere, so I guess those are attractive features.

My saturday of laziness stretched well into the evening, with me shedding my pajama's finally at 6 p.m. to dress and get some food with the housemates. I justified that it was my sabbath, and therefore do not feel guilty that I accomplished absolutely nothing because if God says I need a day of rest, then I better have a day of rest.

Only 2 weeks left of the quarter, I'm nervous about my practical exam, our midterm exam was pretty stressful and I anticipate this one to be as well. You know, I've always preferred going at a leisurely pace when it comes to just about anything, like a snail pace. This was a major reason why I was never promoted when I worked at McDonald's in high school, I was just too damn slow for their fast-paced environment. Well, culinary school is fast-paced, and I'm trying to keep up, but it does go against my nature. So yeah, I get a little knotty in the stomach thinking about all the stuff that needs to get done in our five hour class period, but I'll make it I guess, even if I fail or break down in tears like one of my classmates has a tendency to do. I guess I should get used to it as "the industry" does usually move at a faster pace, though if I had my way I'd be able to take my time, and a lot of breaks. Hopefully I'll be able to continue my education, as I have to resubmit my loan app. and I really have no idea if I'll be approved this time or not, my mother is approved as a co-signer, but my credit may just be so horrible that it won't matter that I've made just over 12 consecutive payments on my defaulted student loan.

lazy

It's 3:20 p.m. and the most I've accomplished today is sleeping and watching part of a movie that I fell asleep while watching. I'm being incredibly lazy, I may in fact go back to sleep soon. Granted the people upstairs were partying until well into the early morn, and my roommate felt it to be a good idea to blast her nickel creek at 9:30 a.m., even though everyone else in the house was clearly sleeping or at least would have appreciated a quiet morning. Jake and Connor accompanied me to the party upstairs for a bit, our neighbors turned out to be very friendly and hospitable, but we soon became antisocial and went home. Their bathroom upstairs is one of the coolest I've ever seen, it has a staircase in it leading to the back hallway.

this is great

from Carolyn Hax's online chat today.....

"Washington, D.C.: Hi Carolyn,
I've been very fortunate lately to have met and dated a couple of very nice men. Genuinely nice guys with good jobs who would probably make ideal husbands and good fathers. You know, the kind you're supposed to find and settle down with. So, why am I so uninterested in them? They treat me like a princess and I think most women would tell me that I'm crazy not to keep such good catches.
And I am getting a bit old (28) to be single. I mean, I can't continue to be so popular with the men forever. Shouldn't I be finding that life partner? These men would both have made excellent providers, and perhaps I would have grown to love them. What's wrong with me?

Carolyn Hax: That you're looking at men for their ability to provide, that you're looking at 28 as old, that you think your popularity with men is a factor of your age, that you think popularity with men is important to have, that you're looking to your age to tell you what you should be doing with your life, that you're looking at being single as a condition to be avoided, that you think being treated as a princess is what all women want, that you think something is wrong with you because you met two non-felons whom you didn't want to marry

.Did I miss anything?"

She's so great

under control

Our nasty infestation seems to be under control now, this makes me feel much more at ease.

My car didn't start, it seems to be a battery issue, which would make sense since the battery light has been on the past few days. If it is the alternator again I will be pissed.

Our new neighbors upstairs invited us to their shindig tonight, I've only met a couple of them briefly, but they seem like cool people, so I think I'll work on my social skills and head up there later. Who knows, maybe we'll all be great pals.

I'm impressed

I stopped at the hardware store on my way home to get some sort of fly ridding agent, then arrived home to find that roommate Sarah had gone on a warpath and single handedly killed several of the flies using the age-old newspaper method, and I was thoroughly impressed with her skills. There are still flies to be caught though.

embarrassment to myself

Our evening of bar-hopping with my young friend/co-worker for her 21st birthday was a success. She was thoroughly drunk and foolish early on, and maintained throughout the night. I too, made a fool of myself, either due to my steady intake of g&t's (though I didn't feel drunk) or I was just in one of my moods in which case embarrassment is inevitable.

Cassie and I did make it to the fair, it was everything we hoped it would be. I introduced Cassie to Heritage Square where they have a state fair museum and a bunch of other old stuff, along with a smithy and they sell sarsaparilla and try to make everything look old-timey. It made me yearn to be back in my home town where I can get a fix of the Village of Yesteryear, which is basically a bunch of old buildings (schoolhouse, church, post office, etc.) with historical items and antiques that you can peruse like from Little House on the Prairie era, it is one of my most favorite things to do at the county fair.

Here I go on a quest to find some sort of fly killing method, since my roomates apparently think it fine to leave food and crumbs all over our kitchen, we seem to have an infestation and it's beginning to make me queasy.

I'll take it personally if I damn well please

I've been reading through my archives as I do maybe a couple times a year, and was reading a post where I mentioned that I was a bit pissed because I could see on my sitemeter that someone would google a good friend of mine and consequently came upon my blog. Some anonymous commenter left a comment to "not to take it personally" that I don't recall ever reading. First of all, I wasn't taking it personally as it had to do with my friend and not me, but yeah, I was pissed on behalf of my friend and for good reason because...Second of all, I won't go into details, but a while back some anonymous person used information found on my blog against my dear friend in a rather immature way I might add. So guess what, when someone is going to judge a dear friend of mine who in her day to day interactions treats people in an exemplary way and then is judged based on someone's ridiculous standards of how she should behave, then yeah, I'll take it personally, but thanks for the unsolicited advice anyways.

trapped

Today I was trapped at Trappers. In an attempt to recover from partying at the suburban retreat center last night due to Kevin's birthday, Charissa, Kevin, Cassie and myself trekked to the local hunting themed bar to gain necessary nutrients found in bloody mary's, and have breakfast. We left at oh, about 5 p.m. One might wonder how one kills six hours at a bar on a beautiful Saturday. Well, mostly talking and laughing over sexual innuendo's, eating, drinking (twin's special $1.25 miller lites), and best of all, playing Big Buck Hunter pro. Cassie and I hunted Big Horn sheep and Moose. None of my pals cared that I had shit to do today, like homework and cleaning my room and I didn't have my car, my keys were confiscated, and clearly I was not at all productive.

We had book club the other night. One woman is fairly new to the club, and she was going on and on about how her family has chosen to live in one of the worst neighborhoods in Mpls, so that they can invest and minister to the community. That's cool and all, but if your going to get on your high horse and act a martyr, it really defeats the purpose, which was her attitude, and frankly if I was her neighbor I'd just be pissed off. I tried the whole Christian ministry, investing in the "bad" neighborhood thing myself when I was in college, and I doubt that I will ever again involve myself in a Christian organization to do any sort of ministry, because that is the sort of attitude that I found to be prevalent. Yeah, I agree to have thriving communities with lower crime, the people have to invest in it, and know their neighbors, but when I see that attitude of I'm doing this great thing by living with these people and judging their lifesyles and I'm going to show them the path to righteousness, well, I don't think that is very helpful. I don't know of many people who are very receptive to getting to know someone that they feel is judging the way they live, and how they raise their children, I know I no longer surround myself with people like that.

and then there were five

Emily is moving out the next couple days to move in with our friend Sinda. I helped them load some stuff into their truck this morning before work because well, I'm a good person, and because Sinda has done our household large favors by offering her truck to help us move furniture on more than one occasion. I will miss Emily, she's a neat gal. She's a natural at making baked goods (really, she should be the pastry chef, not me), she's quirky and funny and not annoying, and she'll enjoy a smoke with me on occasion, and one day I came home from class to find her practicing her accordian. However, I'm sure I'll see her around a-plenty, considering she is one of the Carleton elite.

Since we put the kabosh on the proposal of adding the creepy red-haired friend of Sarah's to the household, this does free up the spare room, which will utilized as common space to chill/watch TV/read/listen to music/get laid in haha, just kidding about that last one, uh, well maybe. I scored a good sized futon off (where else) craigslist, so anyone needing a place to crash while rolling through Mpls(especially certain someone's from the windy city), let me know and we'll give you the royal treatment.

Crummy, it looks like rain on Sat. that is when Cassie and I are planning on going to the great MN get together. However, if we can brave the elements we do have the advantage of fewer crowds. Also to look forward to this weekend is co-worker Rachel's birthday on Sun., her 21st birthday, the mother of all birthday's. Of course me and some other co-workers have planned a pub crawl to witness her legally getting schlockered. Oh to be 21 again, throwing up on the porch of some frat house.

capitol M

We've been introduced the past couple weeks in school to exciting things like cake decorating and doing chocolate and sugar work, someday I could perhaps do something like this out of chocolate and/or sugar, exciting huh? We watched a video of Ewald Notter doing his thing, he's pretty sexy when he's working his sugar...and his mojo, apparently he's been married 3 times to 3 different assistants of his. Anywho, we didn't delve into the complexities, but I did pipe a chocolate pattern that my teammates claimed looked like breasts, they thought I might be talented at making cakes for bachelor parties. So I'm exciting for my more advanced classes during which I'll really learn the craft (if my loan goes through that is). I remember debating in aesthetics regarding when something is considered art or craft, which would rile up the potters. I'm of the mindset that something made skillfully using design elements and color theories to be visually attractive is generally craft, something infused with meaning is art, expresses something beyond beauty. But then what makes something meaningful, can a potter throw a vessel that makes some sort of "statement"? I do think so, but I also think people are often quick to label someone as an "artist" or "art" when really it's more of skilled craft, and vice versa, as sometimes something generally thought of as a craft or someone "crafty" doesn't get due respect. It's a lot about the intention with the end product I guess, and of course opinions are going to differ as I'll often look at a meticulously painted landscape as more craft, because it's purpose is to be pretty (e.g. Terry Redlin). Sure, I guess it invokes feelings, awe perhaps, or maybe comfort or serenity, but then there are landscape painters like Thomas Cole, whose landscapes are clearly expressing more than a warm fuzzy. But then again, what the hell do I know, I probably just need to get laid.

not ruined

I fixed the sound on the laptop, well, I restarted the computer anyways and the sound worked.

Have I mentioned yet how much I hate trying to work enough so that I can attempt to not live paycheck to paycheck and go to school. I mean, I've been working since I was 15 (excluding babysitting), and I realize I've pretty much always been adverse to hard work, I really enjoy having enough time to indulge in laziness, much to my father's chagrin. However, when I have less spare time I either feel an enormous amount of guilt if I'm not doing things that I've hoped to accomplish (such as cleaning my room), or I just find myself doing shit purely due to momentum, dishes, laundry, cleaning (other than my room), it's strange...and it sucks. Well, I guess self-loathing is inevitable no matter what, I always feel like I should be more accomplished. I definitely shouldn't have children.

ruined

I fried the soundcard apparently on the ol' laptop and hell if I know how to fix it, but I'll give it a shot. I'd say "my" laptop, but really it's Jenni's. Good grief.

As I walked into school this morning I noticed as I do every day how ugly the school is. One would think that a commercial arts school, a school that focuses so much on design elements, would be more attractive, but alas, it is incredibly ugly. Not that the school should conform to the pressure's of society, perhaps it is making a statement by being homely.

duhhhhhhhhh

I truly feel like I don't think anymore, not about anything important anyways. Well, sure, I think about stuff, but more in passing rather than being interested in really delving in and learning about a given topic or issue, it's sad really.

let me tell you all about my vacation...

Ummm, here we are clearly exuding our expansive and deep knowledge of any and all matters pertaining to life.



The couple behind us were totally going at it within approx. 0.32 seconds after introduction.















Sarah and I "catching some rays" or not so much at the beach. I was determined to try though, and froze my arse off during my attempt. That's the towel I borrowed from our host Jer-Bear (Jeremy). We were pleased to unfold the towel to discover that Jer apparently has an affinity for cute puppies and kitties. He claims he bought it out of desperation for a beach towel....right Jer.














Breakfasting on our last day in SF, Fuj. is in a pensive mood here.

it's grown on me

As promised, here's the hideous dresser.

godawful

I'm now the ?proud? owner of the most gaudy dresser I have ever witnessed in real life. In my old place, there was a little built in dresser in the closet, which perfectly housed my clothes that didn't fit in my normal dresser. Then I moved and after trying to jam (certainly unnecessary) clothes into my dresser and closet that don't fit, I decided to search for a (free or cheap) small dresser. So I turned to Craigslist and Freemarket, searched, posted a "wanted" ad, and after missing out on several dressers I got an email offering an inexpensive dresser WITH delivery. The thought of not having to go to some suburb to pick up a dresser that might possibly not fit in my car was appealing, so I inquired further. From his description, it was considerable bigger than what I was looking for, but I figured I'd just put my other dresser in storage. So we arrange a time and he arrives, I bounce downstairs to take a look at my new means of storage, and at first glance think "oh hell, this is very ugly, but I can't tell him I don't want it since he just drove a 1/2 hr to deliver it to me", I'm guessing my face expressed my shock and dissapointment, but I tried to muster enthusiasm when he asked if it would work for me. Anyways, I took a picture of it which I'll try to post in the next couple days. It's kinda growing on me, so even if I do find something else I may just keep it. I'm actually slightly peeved right now b/c I found a small dresser and arranged to pick it up tomorrow, but I just called and the chick sold it to someone else after I said I wanted it and would pick it up, what the....

Anyways, I skipped school yesterday due to a hacking cough that kept me up all night sun. and most of last night too, so I'm even more exhausted than usual. I didn't have time for the overhaul of my room, more of an overhaul of one wall, which I spent the day on Sat. covering with fabric and it turned out pretty nicely actually. Our party was fabulous per usual, at least I think most had a good time.

eye candy

So apparently if you have a google account, you can switch over your blogger account to google which I accidentally discovered when I tried to login to blogger using my gmail login by mistake. So I tried to make the switch, and they said they were only accepting a limited number right now. So why even ask me is the thought that came to my mind.

Anywho, roommate Sarah seems to have calmed down, she's been more friendly the past couple days so maybe she just had to freak out and let her feelings be known, and now the healing can commence. It isn't our intention for her to feel left out, since we do like Sarah, so hopefully she realizes that.

I swear I'm not gay (likely contrary to popular belief since I'm sans boyfriend), but I've been catching myself checking out other women's breasts lately more often than usual. So no, not in a sexual way, but just taking note if another woman has a nice rack, and then feeling slightly inadequate even though I don't really have reason to, if I do say so myself. There is always someone that will be better than you isn't that what "they" say, and to that I say "damn it"

I'm about to attempt this evening and tomorrow to do a major overhaul of my bedroom, which I'm hoping will not end up being disastrous. I'm nervous, I have perhaps an irrational fear that my room will end up being horrifically ugly.

I got my hair cut and colored earlier this week, and while I'm a fan of the color I'm not sure about the cut. I always appreciate the opportunity to admire Matt's pectorals and overall handsomeness, but in this case, I believe his beauty made me blind to the fact that he seemed distracted/stressed while cutting my hair instead of his usual focus and effort. I guess it isn't that bad, not a mullet or anything.

roommate issues

We hurt our roommate Sarah's feelings. Sarah is kinda the odd one here because we found her through craigslist, whereas the other housemates all know eachother from college, and Betsy and I are good pals. So Sarah feels left out, an understandable plight, but I feel like we often attempt to include her, well, not me so much maybe since I'm antisocial anyways, but certainly Betsy, Emily and Kathleen do, Jake is generally a man of few words so he's not expected to be social either. Funny thing is, Kathleen, Emily and myself are all under the impression that Sarah doesn't like us. My usual experience with Sarah is this... I see Sarah, she barely acknowledges me, I think to myself "hmmm, she doesn't seem to want to interact with me" and I either keep to myself, or I think "well, sometimes I come off that way when I don't mean to" so I try to extend a friendly hello and a smile, which is returned with a "hi" and that is it, no indication of a desire for further conversation. Anyways, she asked us if we might consider letting her friend move in after Emily moves out the end of the month. This friend that basically, we all despise. He stayed here a few days last month, was incredibly antisocial (like, beyond even me), hung around the house ALL day long doing pretty much nothing but hog the bathroom, and we have reason to believe that he brought foot fungus into the shower. So we told her that we would like to stick with the original plan of just having that be an extra room for guests and a general hanging out/study area which I think will be needed once it is winter and we're not out and about as much. This sent her to tears apparently (I wasn't there when we told her the final decision), but while I understand how she may feel uncomfortable with us, we do make an honest effort to include her, invite her out with us (if she is even around, which isn't often), or include her when we are just hanging out. Being shy myself, I do feel for her, but seriously Jake, Kathleen and Emily are very cool and even though I barely knew them before we all moved in together I felt instantly comfortable with them, but then again I did know Betsy which helped. However, I have also learned that I can't blame others for not including me if I act standoffish towards them, which I sorta feel like she is doing. Ah well, if she is truly unhappy she can move out. I'm just glad the rest of us are all on the same page when it came to not having her friend move in, that would have been hellish.

We just received a really nice sofa for free off freemarket. I almost passed out today after giving blood, and even though I know I should give more often, I don't really like to because sitting there while your blood is draining from your body is rather disturbing even if it's for good purpose. I guess I should just be glad that I'm not living in the time when they bled people to try to heal them from whatever ailed them. Then I spilled the chex mix I got afterwards all over the floor when I opened it too vigorously and I was very sad.

SF is hecka nice

Back to the grind after my short stint in SF. We walked, talked, ate, walked, hung out with our host Jer-Bear watching Aqua Teen, tasted various yummy pastries, walked, ate, drank coffee, observed the hipsters, drank beer, froze on the beach, walked, dragged heavy suitcases ten blocks, shopped, ate, sat next to really horny/drunk people going at it, gave the gift of orangina, lusted after boys at the car rental place (or I did at least) etc. etc. SF, Berkeley, Oakland, all quite lovely. Fujipants put up with me during her time of transition, and for that I'm grateful. The couchsurfing thing was a tad awkward I'd say. Were I the type to be more outgoing and conversational, it would be less awkward, but I'm just not. Jeremy was a keen dude, very accomodating, and though we barely interacted with our other hosts, they were also very accomodating, everyone is appreciated for being gracious and trusting enough to let a couple strange midwestern gals into their home. Yeah, I'd say SF is as great as everyone says, pics to come soon.

We are hosting yet another party this weekend, I see a pattern forming. I still have major work to do on my room, so hopefully I'll make some progress before Sat. my goal being to finish unpacking and trying to tackle that fabric wall project.

I totally left the bar without paying for my beer, Jenni didn't pick up my slack, so that means someone that I barely know did. I feel bad about this.

Praise the Lord (a.k.a. PTL) we switched teams this week in class! I'm still with Manda, the one that I get along with, unfortunately we are also still with the dimwit, but we gained 2 cool ladies. I'm super pumped about this, it is going to make the next six weeks of the quarter so much more bearable.

sleepy in SF

I'm in San Fran with Fujipants, having a good time so far, mostly figuring out logistics. Soon we'll be heading to some blues/jazz thing and then meeting our host, which will hopefully not be awkward. I could use a nap though.

artirific

Yesterday was wholly unproductive, unless you consider looking at kick ass art being productive, which I do, so in that case I was very productive. I decided to procrastinate my to do list and instead tagged along with my roommates to the Walker to take advantage of the free admission, and I'm sure glad I did. They have the Diane Arbus exhibit running now and it was quite engaging, lots of images, and because I'm a perv my favorites were the one's of the people in the nudist colony. What was way cool was there was also a Cameron Jamie exhibit in which he fashioned this "mountain". One person could climb the mountain at a time to view some more of his work, and it was all dark and creepy and uneven (like you were actually on rock) and you had to bring this red lantern with you, and the art was kinda creepy. It was creepy in a good way though, well, I thought it was great anyways, roommate Kathleen just found it creepy. Then we went for a short jaunt through the sculpture garden.

I ditched Papo tonight, I'm hoping that he didn't actually show. I found out that it was actually Tango at our established meeting place and not Salsa, a tango night that I know the ex-landlord goes to and I didn't want to run into him, but Betsy's friend was going so I asked her if she ran into Papo to tell him I couldn't make it because I'm studying, which I am once I stop procrastinating. I feel an enormous amount of guilt when I break plans, even plans made with a quirky 60-something Puerto Rican while I was moderately tipsy;

Dude, I totally could have scored last night with a couple of 20 year old dudes (no, not the cute boys from my class). I went to coworker Rachel's party which consisted of pretty much all college kids, since she is still in college it was appropriate for her, for me however, it was a bit uncomfortable since I felt rather old. I was amused by the antics though, and though I went to like one frat party in my college days, and a handful of house parties, I don't feel I really fully experienced partying in college, especially underage since I started drinking shortly before I turned 21. But it turns out, I wasn't missing a whole lot. About an hour after I arrived, we had to caravan to the Burger King across the street because there was rumor that the cops were going to show (the party was taking place in this dorm/apartment type thing, complete with RA). I mostly hung out with my newfound smoking buddies, Josh and Tony, who invited me over to chill and play guitar and foosball after the entire party got locked out of the dorm/apartment because the key got lost/locked in the dorm or something. It was a tempting proposition, but I declined. The highlight of the evening is when some random dude walking along joined us at BK and pulled huge bottle of Jack Daniels from his crotch. I pondered if he'd ever heard of a flask, but then considered that perhaps the purpose was twofold, to conceal the liquor and to give the illusion of having a more ample "package" as he strolls along. Unfortunately I didn't have the motivation to ask as I was in antisocial mode.

succumbing

I really want to be lazy today, so I'm trying to decide if I wanna chuck all the stuff I should be doing in favor of doing nothing except maybe laying out at the lake. However, I am going on vacation in a few days, so perhaps I should be productive today. Don't know if we have a place to stay yet in San Fran, someone from couchsurfing said we could crash at his place, but he hasn't gotten back to me to confirm that is in fact true, well, there is always the hostel or the sidewalk.

I've decided to succumb to laziness for now, and maybe be productive later if time allows. I mean it is before noon no need to be in any hurry, though I did want to hit up a yard sale or two in the hopes of finding a small dresser.

I was a mere five minutes late to my sanitation and safety class yesterday, and therefore was not allowed to get any points on the quiz. I took the quiz, was finished before half the class who had started before me, got one wrong, but don't get any points. I understand being punished or losing points for being late, however had I missed class entirely, I could have "made up" the quiz and gotten half the points. This makes no sense to me. The whole class is kinda silly, it's four hours, once a week to get servsafe certified. My roommate Emily who manages hospital foodservice also has to go to a class to be servsafe certified, but her class is one time for 8 hours. This makes no sense to me.

I dragged my housemates to an art opening last night, I think a good time was had by all. I agreed to go Salsa dancing sunday night with Papo against my better judgement since I have midterms next week and really should be studying. When I picked up my deposit check a couple weeks ago (yes, I did get my deposit back, sans interest, but I miraculously got it back nonetheless) landlord Dan was sleazy as ever (he had some sort of housing court mediator there apparently thinking I would back him up in his case against the hipster girls), but he did give me a bag of clothes that the hipster girls left behind, some items too hipster for my style, but I did score a pair of jeans, comfy ones too. I do love me some free clothes....

sweet relief

Praise Jesus for rain and cooler temps, and consequently restful sleep, except for the fact that I'm staying up too late.

I was so great in class today, I dominated on oven duty since noone else chose to help me, even though each team is supposed to have one oven person. My teacher was impressed by my skills so I scored major points. I guess I have some work ethic after all as in I don't feel like a slacker. I still hate the majority of the people on my team, except for one, although she is mean to the people she doesn't like, I can't believe what she says sometimes. I still may be in a financial aid crisis, but apparently I'm not to worry about it til next quarter.

thicker than water

I'm really socially awkward around my family, like I feel no sense of self or normalcy because no-one in my family knows me anymore. It seems like it would take such an effort to be myself rather than the person that they believe me to be, like it would be too much of a shock to them or something. Regardless, I had a decent time with the fam., it was a mini reunion of sorts, my G-pa showed up, sans wife who seems to not care to involve herself in the clan. My Uncle Dan and cousins Todd and Jacob were there, Barb's daughter with her family, lots of little children. As always, it is strange to see my parents with their grandchildren, remembering oh yeah, my dad can be pretty fun at times. My brother in law Tom tried to get in my head a little, which he is usually pretty good at with people since he asks whatever he feels like. He accused me of always dodging his questions, but he doesn't really listen well, so I'll start to answer and then leave it go when I realize he isn't even paying attention. My poor sister irritates me so much, which also makes me sad because I see her trying, she just can't seem to help being completely self absorbed and immature. My family isn't as bad as I make them out to be really though, I should just chill.

A hard rain better fall tonight like it is supposed to, my tiny fan isn't giving much relief from the sweltering heat.

On a good note my retina is still attached to my eyeball, and I'm not seeing the spots anymore, it was probably just tiredness and stress.